My first born, took his own life aged 32, that was in 2021 but feels like yesterday, still in shock it feels like it happened to someone else. He was an amazing firefighter/paramedic got awards, taught in schools, Union Secretary and so many friends, he had a lust for life.
Everyday is a struggle, a constant feeling of failure as a mum I should have protected him.
My days are up and down but he’s in my thoughts and dreams all the time, I’ve just started a journal and hope it helps, jotting down thoughts, dreams, memories, feelings. I hope joining this community will help me, no one can imagine what it feels like to lose a child of any age unless you have been there yourself, I feel for every one of us with our struggles x
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@Sammy25, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Thank you for sharing a little bit about him with us. He sounds like an amazing person.
You may have already been in touch with them, but if not, I know that lots of our members who have lost loved ones to suicide have found Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide to be really helpful. They have support groups all over the UK, if you would be interested in joining one.
I just wanted to share that link with you and let you know that you have been heard, and are not alone.
Take good care,
Seaneen
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Hi Sammy25 so sorry you lost your son, he really does sound amazing and you must be so proud of him. I too lost my son in 2021 and this site has helped me so much I am glad you found it and hope it helps you to. I think the guilt we carry ,of as you say not being able to protect them and feeling we let them down is probably natural as mothers , but makes it oh so much more difficult to come to terms with and move on from in any way. In my case all the would haves and should haves and what ifs just rip me apart, nearly 3 years on and I blame myself just as much now as then. My son was not suicide just sudden death , but I can only imagine how much more complicated it must be for you. I am sure you will find help on the link that has been mentioned , I also have found a lot of support on the thread “ loss of our son aged 27”. When I have no where else to turn , ( as let’s face it as you say if you have not experienced this how can you understand it ) I turn to this site where I know there are others who “get it” and I can say on here what I can’t say to anyone else. We are all going on this terrible journey together hopefully helping each other in what ever way we can . Waiting , hoping, one day at a time. Xx
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Thank you. I too feel that I can say stuff that no one else could even imagine going through. I’m broken but I have my youngest to think about, I couldn’t do anything to hurt him, all my eggs are in one basket now.
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