I lost the most precious gift that God had provided for me. We were together for 34 years and would have celebrated our 32nd July 18 of this year. She was 39 and I was 40 when we were married.
She had major back issues going back 11 years or so and became progressively worse. On 12/11 of last year she was admitted to the hospital from complications of a UTI that had progressed to sepsis. I spent 6 days a week (one day a week to pick up dry cleaners and wash what clothes was needed) including Christmas Day which was the best Christmas I had ever spent. She kept getting progressively worse until being admitted to Hospice 3/7. The following afternoon she passed away right after I had kissed her forehead, told told her how much I loved her and will see you soon. Then she took her last breath.
It is 14 weeks today that I lost my beloved wife and best friend.
I cried everyday including her memorial service which I cried uncontrollably. There is not a day goes by that something will trigger grief and I will cry. I have several close friends who have last a spouse and a few that have happened the last few months. Needless to say, ever time we speak, our conversations are cut short due to uncontrollable crying. My wish and daily prayers are God, please take me home so that I don’t suffer anymore. I’m no where suicidal as I told my Doc that but that has never entered my mind. I cannot go into her room, look through the closets at her clothes, look at pictures of us without crying. I have lots f friends who support me but all I ask for is your prayers. It is the only thing that sustains me. Sorry for the ramblings.
So sorry about your Kim. I lost my Jackie on the 8th March 2025, 15 weeks yesterday.
I’ve been sobbing ever since, in between trying to sort our house out ready for a move. It’s always worse on weekends, particularly Saturdays. Had a really bad spell these last 48 hours. Crying as I type this.
It’s so bloody difficult 
but we have to do the best we can.
You take care 
Dear Rodney. You are absolutely not rambling. Life suddenly becomes so bleak and pointless. The pain is indescribable and feels like half of us has been torn away. There are no platitudes that make one iota of difference. Nothing does, because the grief is so overwhelming and gut wrenchingly painful. I think many on this wonderful forum will pray for you. X
Since Kim was hospitalized close to 15 weeks, I had gotten used to being home alone. Now that we are in the summer season, we would take day or weekend trips along our inner coastal areas. We were pretty much together for the last nine years.
I know weekends are usually the hardest, and I feel your pain. It seems that men (those I have talked to) who are supposed to be the stronger sex, are more emotional. I, at least acknowledge that I’m weak as water but do put on a good facade until I get by myself.
Where there is great grief,
There was also great Love.
This is our last church picture.
Lovely pic Rodney.
Funny enough, I’ve just finished a long call to Jackie’s cousin, who lost her husband in 2017. She got married not long after us in the late 60s and the same age as me and a lovely lady.
Since Jackie passed, she has been checking up on me 3-4 times a week. She asked me how I’d been since her last call and after I mentioned not so good, the conversation turned to how women in similar circumstances are often better at coping with losing their partners. I think she’s right. An hour chatting to her has perked me up a bit.
Anyway, you look after yourself
I lost my darling partner on March 8th 2023. Weekends are terrible . Everybody seems to be together and I’m on my own. I keep trying to go to church but sometimes I get there but can’t go in because there are so many couples there and I feel like I stick out on my own. I never went to church when we were together but thought it was a way of meeting people because once his funeral was over friends have just drifted away. They say we’ll keep in touch but they don’t and I have given up calling because they don’t know what to say. You’re right we have to do the best we can. 2 years later and I’m still sorting things out
I’m in no way religious but have been watching a live YouTube broadcast from the cathedral in my home city in Wales on Sunday mornings. I don’t really listen to the sermons, it’s the singing and music I find comforting.
I have also tried to go into a couple of churches in the week, but found them sadly locked up.
Friends and sometimes families do drift away, but I don’t blame them. They have their own lives to continue and often don’t know what to say to people like us.
I have a lovely cousin of Jackie to talk to a few times a week. She lost her husband in 2017, so fully understands the devastation and heartbreak. I also have an old friend in Wales, who lost his partner back in January, so chat to him as well.
We are both lonely and still heartbroken, but I am sure the solution is in our hands. When the time is right, we will find new friends, if nothing else for companionship.
You look after yourself 
We had a caravan in Wales and spent most of the Summer there. Our happy place. I gave it up after he died it was going to cost too much to do repairs on top of the ground rent. I was fed up last night so I booked a room in a hotel in Wales by the sea for next week. Looking out of my window now I hope the sun will come back by then.
I also like the singing in church but I have never thought of YouTube. I will give it a try.
My family and Dais family are still married and don’t understand but they do keep in touch but they change the subject if I mention him which is very hard because it makes me feel lonely but maybe I should understand that they’ve got their own families.
You look after yourself and your beautiful Wales.
I spent a week in Snowdonia a couple of weeks ago. It was a nice break, but still felt lonely, but perhaps it was too soon for me.
Whereabouts in Wales?
You are going to enjoy the break, regardless of the weather.
Take care
Our caravan was in Tywyn and I do take off on the train for the day sometimes to sit on the bench on the promenade that we used to sit on and eat chips. It’s lovely doing that I have so many memories there. I’m actually going to Llandudno for my little holiday though. I go there because nobody knows me there so I’m not going to see anyone who crosses the road rather than speak to me. When I’m in Tywyn I seem to meet people I know and they don’t know he died. Last time I went I met a couple who said they would come back to the caravan with me to see him. I don’t which of us felt the worst when I told them he had died and I had just come down for the day. I think all they could say was there dog had died and would i like an ice cream. I think they were glad I had to go and catch my train. That’s why I prefer Llandudno
I haven’t been to Llandudno for decades, but it’s a nice place.
Going on the train, you shouldn’t have any problems from the Conwy tunnel fire.
I can understand your reluctance in meeting people you know in Tywyn, however, if the place brings back good memories, then I would go sometime in the future. People you have met will get to know.
Regardless, you really enjoy the break.
I have booked a hotel close to the station so I can drop my bag off and then go straight onto the promenade. I was there last year but the pier was closed because they had had storms the week before and a couple of the huts had blown into the sea.
I am looking forward to going. It is nice to be somewhere different so I will enjoy it.
I’m planning on another day in Tywyn after the school holidays are over. The trains are quieter then. I have so many happy memories there. We used to sit for hours watching to see if we could see the dolphins. We never did though but you never know I might.
That sounds lovely. You have a great time