I lost my best and only friend last December. Wed known eachother since high school and was the only person from school i still talked to. I woke up to calls from his family saying he had to get some equipment off the hills for his job the night before and still wasnt back. About 3 hours after that i got a call from his fiance, saying they found him in the loch. When i first heard the news i was so shocked and kept hoping it was a bad dream, that id wake up and chat with him about the aweful dream i had, but i knew it was real and my head just kept telling me to join him.
I hadnt seen him in years but we still at least once a week would play games online together. Its been nine months and im still not sure what i should do with myself, i still have all the games we played together downloaded but i can barely look at them without missing him.
A few months after my friend passed my uncle also passed from cancer. I used to be very close to my uncle, most of my hobbies i picked up from him. As a family we knew my uncle didnt have long left and were planning to meet for a big last get together with my uncle a week or so before he passed. I already had mental health struggles and the funeral for my uncle was being held the other side of the UK than me, so i wasnt able to be there in person, my mum set up a laptop that i called into so i was still kind of there.
I dont know how im supposed to keep going, ive recently started some mental health appointment which have been helping me but i still wake up most days wanting to die and spend most evenings sitting staring at everything that reminds me of them.
I still love them both so much and its so hard knowing their gone from my life.
I love you both so much and ill never stop missing yous.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’m so sorry to hear about your best friend and your uncle. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling really unsure how to manage your grief and struggling to know how to keep going.
It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start. I am glad that you have started to receive some mental health support.
We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful: