My best friend was murdered

She was murdered about a year and a half ago (oct 2016) which is a while ago now but, up until the trial last april we were all just in limbo waiting and prepping to give evidence etc, the trial itself was sould destroying and I wouldnt wish my WORST enemy to go through something like that, then for about 6 months after that it was a come down from the shell shock of it all before I could even start to process the death itself…but then they also made a documentary about it which was shown on the anniversary on ITV so that raked up a lot of difficult stuff. I thought i would be a lot further on than I am, and i feel like talking to friends just risks putting them back in the dark place too because she was their friend too. Its been a year since the trial and im still crying most days, recently more as ive had other stuff going on too and i just feel like its more on top of me than ever. There are some pretty intense factors to this awful story, which make it harder to deal with…right now im struggling with the fact that the guy that killed her, I went to uni with and introduced them to eachother…the guilt can be pretty unbearable sometimes as unjustified as it is i have this loop of guilt i cant shake. Im not sure what i need, if talking helps or if I need something else…I just dont want to live in the i dont know place anymore.

Hi Penngwenn

I am very sorry to read about your friend and how you lost her. That is an awful thing for you to go through. All made so much worse by it being such a public event and having it almost rubbed back into you at intervals. I do wish these programme makers would think before making doucumentaries, the effect it has on friends and relatives left behind. You cannot blame yourself for introducing this person to your friend, you didn’t know what would happen. Have you received any counselling or offer of this from anyone? This is a terrible ting to go through on your own ad maybe some help is needed.

In a small way I understand. I lost a friend many years ago in very violent circumstances. It made the national news, there have been programmes about it and the people responsible for the crime. Every year on the anniversary it is mentioned on the news so I can never forget it. My friend was a month younger than me and she died in her 20s. She was my first friend and the first person I remember playing with, she had so much life left ahead of her and was cheated of it.

Please take care of yourself and consider getting some help or advice from your doctor. You deserve a happy life and not to be worrying about an event that is not your fault.


Thanks Mel

In regards to the documentary…it was at least supposed to raise awareness for stalking/domestic violence…but that wasnt what it was at all…it almost glorified it, and the work the police did (they were a large part of the reason she died as they failed to help her on a number lf occasions and are now being investigated). I was seeing a guy about it all and it got me through the trial and a feq weeks after but i just stopped going, i wasnt neccessarily ready to delve into it in so much depth, im still kot sure if im ready. I understand exactly how you feel, she was a year younger than me and we spent pretty much every second together, and went through so much together and grew. Like your friend, she was taken too too soon…24 is no age at all and i know all of the plans she had and stuff she wanted to do. She wasnt done. Its a really hard pill to try and swalow.

Hi, just read your very sad post and I can understand the pain you are going through and like Mel, I do feel you need to get help to give you back your life and find happiness you deserve. There are many different councillors, it’s just finding the right one for you now which is different from before, you will have moved on and you will see things different to a year ago. Please seek out a person who can help you. Life will change because we are not allowed to stand still even if we feel it’s not changing, it is and with it, we change.
Bless you.S

Hi Penngwenn11,

My friend was murdered in 2014. It still doesn’t get any easier. We were at uni together too. I left after my second year to do a placement, but she continued the course. I was in the local city to the village where we lived during term, really not far. I was meant to keep contact but I didn’t. I let all of my friends slip away that year. It wasn’t until I found out she was missing that I got back in contact. It was then that I found out things had gone really bad for her over the 8 months I was doing my own thing. I’ve never forgiven myself for not being more communicative. I just figured we had time. All of us. I was wrapped in my own world, meanwhile everyone else was watching everything get worse. They did a documentary about her too. I promised myself not to watch it, and still haven’t. The guilt still wracks me every day. People always say that you have nothing to feel guilty about but I don’t think, unless you have been through it, that people can understand it isn’t logical, just a gut feeling. The man who murdered her got away with manslaughter, he got the highest sentence (14 years) as it was quite clearly not manslaughter, but he got away with murder on technicalities. I saw it on the news, I heard people talking about it at the shops because of the news, I got bombarded by reporters, some even came into my house when I wasn’t home. I had to get my housemates to kick them out. I didn’t know I could feel so much pain, guilt and sadness. I felt like no one could possibly understand those emotions, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to our friends because of the guilt of not being there, and talking to them now feels like I would just be a horrible reminder of the whole thing. If you need anyone to talk to, please, contact me.

My condolences. I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend on April 29, 2019. I consider her passing to have happened on the 27th because that’s when she was shot. Her and I had a rough couple of years and we had just started talking again about a week and a half before she was murdered. Even though we weren’t on the best terms on and off for a few years, we still always had each other’s back and loved one another. Sometimes I want to vent on Facebook but there are people on there that just want to comment negatively on things I post. I just miss her. It was weird because I was out of state when it happened & I received a phone call and I rushed an hour and a half back to my home town (my knowing if her family would even let me in the hospital to see her) I did go in the hospital to see her… She was shot in the head so she didn’t have much life left in her, she was hooked up to so many machines! It was crazy because on my way back to my home town, I was looking out the passenger window almost the whole way, & it was like something or someone showed me what happened to her, who did it, how it happened, who was involved. Mind you I was over an hour and a half drive away. My gut was telling me EVERYTHING & what makes things crazier is, I was right! I’m not sure if it was HER telling me (because she KNEW that I wouldn’t let her killer go) or if I have some type of gift that I don’t know about. She’s left behind 2 beautiful children. Seeing her in that casket, well… I won’t be going to another funeral (unless it’s close family- which I pray is no time soon) At 1st it hurt… Yes it did but I think I was in shock or denial…?! Lately, I’ve had a couple of dreams with her in them… & now it’s hurt… It has turned to confusion and hurt. I can’t call her when something funny happens or when I need advice or when something reminds me of her… It’s starting to become reality that she isn’t coming back! I know when it first happened that I was stuck somewhere between denial, shock, anger… Because I stayed at her house with her mother and kids and slept in her bed… It’s been over a month since I’ve seen them & sometimes I catch myself choking up & tears come to my eyes and depending on where I am I just cry…! Your story is the reason I joined this page! That’s why I decided to comment on your story. Not to take away from your story, but to thank you for sharing your story and making it available for me to see so that I can have an outlet to grieve. She isn’t the ONLY person that I’ve lost abruptly and out of no where… But she is the one that hurt the most & hit the hardest. (I knew that my I was losing my grandmother to cancer so I distanced myself) #sleepeasy #flyhigh #restpeacefully

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