My big sister's gone.

My big sister - the only person left who I’ve known all my life - died just before Christmas. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and started treatment in early May 2022. By mid November, it was clear that the treatment wasn’t working ( I went to all her oncology appointments with her), so she started palliative care.
She went to a hospice about a week before she died, and I and our younger sister stayed by her side on her final day.
Her funeral was on Jan 13th 2023, and I just feel so numb. I want to sleep all the time.
Is being paralysed by grief a thing?


Hello @figrat,

I’m so sorry to hear about the death of your big sister. As with any bereavement, losing a sibling will leave you feeling a broad range of emotions as you navigate your way through grief. You will have shared so many memories and experiences from your formative years. As you say, your big sister was the only person left who you had known your whole life, and her loss may feel like the loss of those memories and that part of your life growing up. Many of our members have experienced this kind of loss and will understand some of what you are going through.

You mention feeling paralysed by grief. We have a support page on How long does grief last? which explains some of the feelings you may experience in the coming weeks and months.

These resources might also be helpful:

Keep reaching out - you are not alone.

Hello figrat, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to loose a sibling. I lost my 74 year old brother in February 2022. He died of a sudden heart attack.

He was 4 years older than I and we were very close. It has been almost a year now, but I still want to tell him things, and I don’t think it will change any time soon. I saw him every day, apart from about 7 years when I was living in another country. - Many siblings are often rivals but we were best friends and I miss him so muck.

To your question: I felt numb for several weeks but then it hit me.

Our siblings have a special place in our heart because we have known them for so long. - Nick

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Hi Figrat,

Im so sorry for your loss. Your sister was so lucky to have you near her when she needed you the most. I’ve just recently lost my sister on the 28th January her funeral is on the 1st March.

She was 40 and such an amazing character. She developed an extremely rare type of cancer called angiosarcoma. She also did a few months of chemotherapy that she was told in December hadn’t worked and was put into palliative care.

I feel so much pain as I stayed away as per her request to avoid her catching anything, and right up till the day she died, she was determined she would beat it. I was luckily called to the hospital and was with her when she passed away.

How are you coping now? I feel the same. I have never slept so much before and I don’t know how i should be feeling.

Hi Figrat, I lost my younger sister just before Christmas. She’d been ill with a rare form of cancer for 7 years. The feelings swing from sobbing to numbness to exhaustion to putting on a brave face and all the feelings in-between.

Add in worrying about elderly parents coping and it’s a really awful time. You sound like a close family, so I hope your other siblings can support you and vice versa. Look after yourself and allow yourself time xxx