my boyfriend committed suicide the 4th of july last year only 19 years old, i knew he had mental health problems but i always thought he’d come out the darkness and he’ll be okay, things did get better but i think he got used to putting up a front, i was the last person to ever speak to him, i feel guilty i have so many questions, ive really experienced grief, i get the feelings of jealousy towards other people and anger because they wasn’t there for him but now they seem to care, ive had thoughts to joining him, grief is so emotional and exhausting and i dont know what to honestly do anymore x
3 Likes
He was suffering and that is not only evident from how he lived his life, but also the fact that he committed suicide to escape the pain. I can very safely say that he would NOT want you to feel guilty. This was his choice to take his own life and, if he was resolved to it, there’s nothing you could have done. Guilt is part of the grief process so just acknowledge that and realise that nobody is guilty of anything. Even him - it just literally got too much to bear and he wanted the pain to stop.
Accept the kindness of those around you. They’re also not guilty because they couldn’t have foreseen this happening. Even if he had threatened suicide before, they might not have thought he was serious. Or maybe they did realise he was but had no idea how to help him, so kept a distance rather than risk making things worse.
Take comfort from the fact that he is no longer in pain. We are all here with you and for you 
3 Likes
Couldn’t have worded that any better my partner was the same but he drank himself to death he had to many demons and though I tried all I could to save him I failed as once you have these doubts in your mind etc no one can help them but themselves it’s very sad their is no help out their for younger people or anyone for mental health just remember the good times and that he loved you very much and will always be with you my angel was 51 we was due to get married they say grief is love with no place to go take each step at a time here if need to talk xx
2 Likes
he had the same he admitted he was an alcoholic, i feel like as a partner is so hard because you plan the rest of your future with this person for it to all be thrown away, i feel like suicidal grief is so hard to get through because there’s so many questions and answers that your never gonna be able to get, im so sorry for your loss as well how have you been coping with it, i find day by day it seems to be getting harder xx
2 Likes
i know i think it’s such a struggle being so young myself it’s a lot to handle, i’ve found grief is one of the most longest journeys no matter how many people are around you, i never had to experience anything like this before, i find it’s traumatised me to get into other relationships or to move on x
2 Likes
The fact that you said “It’s traumatised me to get into other relationships or move on,” just says that you’re not there yet. We all need to be gentle with ourselves and when (or if) we are ready, then we will know.
Hopefully the fact that you are young means that you still have your parents? Hopefully this is the case because they can provide you with some support.
I’m trying to cope best I can my daughter and friends have been great I did think at one time I wanted to be with my fiancé but that was being selfish and not fair on anyone else I feel angry lost betrayed I tried my best but wasn’t enough he family are nasty wasn’t allowed to go funeral or say goodbye now his dog has passed yesterday wasn’t even allowed to see him I’d give a thousand tomorrows to have him back with me playing his DJ sets etc but it’s not to be I cry nearly 24/7 every day it hurts but getting out sometimes helps aswell I’ve never had counselling as I know it won’t work he had a lot of demons he couldn’t face mental health and drinking etc plus diabetes took it’s toll in the end I’ll never love anyone else he’s forever my DJ 
1 Like
I am so very sorry for you. Take care
1 Like
Thank you they say it gets easy but you just have to learn to live with it grief is love with no where to go
I’ve kept my self busy my daughter and friends took me out last Friday I had a dance etc but cried aswell because of the music he was a DJ entertainer I also went places with him at weekend so sad and I feel so lost I wish I could have saved him so much guilt and regrets so many things o wanted to tell him I just wish we had married at least that way I would have carried in his name
My boyfriend was a drummer, so we also went out a lot at weekends. If he wasnt playing, we were watching other bands. I miss it so much, but only want to do it with him, nobody else.
I recently watched a friend’s band, and J got upset when the drummer started setting up and playing.
Such a wasted talent, he was brilliant!
1 Like
I’m
So sorry for your loss I’ve helped my fiancé friends promote their business by getting them gigs but it’s sad as he was talented at being a brilliant DJ life just doesn’t seem the same I try and go out because he lived life to the full but it breaks my heart knowing he’ll never come back or DJ again x
1 Like