My Brave Beautiful Mum

I lost my Mum just over 3 weeks ago, to secondary bone cancer… my Step Dad was also diagnosed with terminal Lukemia 2 weeks after my Mum got diagnosed… I’m trying to be strong for him… as well as grieving for my Mum… I’m really not coping very well… I’m feeling like i don’t want to be here anymore… i miss her soooooo much… my emotions are up n down like a yo-yo… i feel empty… alone… angry… depressed… guilty… i just don’t know where to turn… I’ve tried calling Cruze… Bereavement Counseling… nobody ever answers… I’ve left my contact details and emailed them… but had no reply… i just need some help to deal with my loss

Hello Flumps,

Welcome to this community. I am so sorry to hear that you recently lost your mum and that your step dad has also had a difficult diagnosis. This must be such a difficult time for you and it’s understandable that you’re feeling empty, alone, depressed and guilty. Particularly if you feel you’ve reached out but haven’t had the support you need.

You mention that you feel like you don’t want to be here anymore. It’s normal to feel this way after a loss like this, but sometimes these feelings can become overwhelming and it’s important to seek support. I’m glad you’ve found this community to talk to and hope being here helps you feel less alone in what you’re feeling.

If you start to feel overwhelmed by these thoughts, please do reach out. Your GP will be able to support you, or you could try calling the Samaritans on 116 123. If you don’t feel that you can keep yourself safe, please contact your GP for an emergency appointment, or go to A&E.

Take good care of yourself and let us know if there’s anything else we can do to support you.

Eleanor

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Hi Eleanor… thank you for your reply… I’m actually just at my doctors now… i really do need help getting through this… I’m already on medication for depression but it really isn’t helping… I’m not feeling any better to what i did this morning… and i know i can’t carry on like this… I’m trying so hard… but it’s all just to overwhelming… i miss her so so much… thank you once again

Hi flumps,

I’m sorry to hear about your mum. It’s so hard isn’t it?
My mum died suddenly 14 weeks ago and I just dont know how I have got through the last 3 months without her.
She was my absolute best friend and the pain I feel without her is indescribable.
I am sad all day every day and feel lonely, down and lost.
You are not alone
Cheryl x

Hi. Flumps. I’m so sorry to hear how you feel, but you are in the right place.
The ‘don’t want be here any more’ feeling is all too common in the initial stages of grief. I think most of us here will have felt it. But as was said, if it gets overwhelming seek help. Never try to go it alone. A big mistake!
We all need help at times and no one should feel shamed asking for it. We humans need each other.
You are probably coping a lot better than you think. But you have double trouble which is difficult to bear.
All the emotions you describe are so common in grief and anxiety. They are to be expected. Not everyone gets all of them. But although it’s very early days try not to bottle emotions up. Come on here and have a good rant if you want. We all understand.
There is no set process in grief. We all cope in our own way, just as there is no set time. Acceptance is a big word that most find difficult, but the realisation that grief is a natural process can help.
Now take care and help your Step Dad as best you can. None of us are perfect and can only do our best. That’s all that is expected of us. Blessings.

Hi Cheryl… I’m so sorry about your loss to… everyone says it gets easier but i really don’t see how… I’m going out of my mind… it’s not getting any easier at the moment… i miss her so so much… we did so much together… i still can’t believe she has gone… i went to my doctors last night… they have given me medication… have you spoken to anybody on here (counsellor) they do a video call… I’ve booked my 1st session for the 25th September… it might be worth doing that xx

Hi flumps

It absolutely does not get easier.the say after the funeral hit me like a ton if bricks and I have been so low ever since then.
My work are funding 6 face to face sessions of counselling for me.the first one is next Tuesday. The NHS have put me on a waiting list for CBT therapy and I am still awaiting a phone call.
Unfortunately I dont think either of these services will help my pain. Like you, I did everything with my mum. She lived with us and I didnt go anywhere without inviting her. My partner misses her terribly too.
I honestly feel like I have lost my best friend in the world. I dont know how i have survived without her, but i could never harm myself and i love my partner and daughter too much to ever want to be away from them or cause them pain.
My life is and will always be incomplete and I shall just have to live with my grief.
How are you feeling today? X

Thank you so much for your reply… all what you say makes sense… I’m trying to make myself feel better… but it isn’t happening at the minute… i went to my doctors last night… i was in there for half an hour… they have given me medication short term… they can’t get me counselling any sooner… but i have booked a face to face video call with one of the counsellors on here for Wednesday… so hopefully that’ll help… thank once again

That’s really good of your work place to do that for you… I’ve actually got an appointment booked with a councillor on here on Wednesday… they do it by Video call… i just can’t see an end to these horrible feelings of sadness… i don’t want to be here anymore… but I’d never do anything stupid… I’ve never felt this way before… it’s absolutely awful… I’ve been trying to be strong for everyone else… and i can’t do it anymore… I’m like you my life will always be incomplete… i just feel so guilty whenever i go to do something that is kinda ok… I’ve not had a great day today… hope you’re day has been ok xx

I know exactly how you feel.its a long road ahead.
I cry every day.i tend to feel worse in the mornings and afternoons. Evenings arent too bad but I think I’m so tired and cried out by then.
Keep taking those baby steps x

My worse times are mornings and night time… i sometimes cry myself to sleep… but then i wake up and then I’m tossing n turning all night… i don’t even have an appetite… all we can do is take those baby steps each n every day… i just know our life’s will never be the same again xx

Hi everyone
I too have lost my brave beautiful Mum 5 weeks ago to Liver cancer. While she was recieving end of life treatment at home her husband my step-father had a seizure and spent the last 2 weeks of her life in hospital where he was given 3 weeks to live but died the following day. We were trying to get him to her funeral from hospital on portable oxygen but he passed away 3 days before, 15 days after my Mum. Its been really difficult for me coping with the loss of two of the most loved people in my life. While caring for them both in the final stages of their lives and making all the necessary arrangements I felt numb but now a huge surge of grief has come over me which iI feel so lonely even though I have my partner and 21 year old daughter. After the funerals everyone has gone back to normal but me. I can’t stop crying or think of anything but the awful time they both had and how their lives ended. My step-father having to deal pubically with his grief from an awful busy ward in hospital after we had to break the news my Mum had died when he was also being told he had to prepare for bad news of his diagnosis of lung cancer. I keep picturing my beautiful Mum looking so terrible as she faded away. They were the most loveliest couple ever and my life will never be the same without them, I have so much to sort out as I’m the only relative and I really just wish I didn’t have to and they were still here and this was a bad dream.
People keep saying things will get easier?? I go to sleep crying and wake up feeling the same ready to face another sad day, can’t think how things will be easier, just everything we planned this year was with them, we did everything together and I’m going to miss them forever. I feel I’m the only one not coping as other family and friends seem to be getting on with their lives as normal.
Anyone else feeling like this or gone through the same, any advice?

Hi soo,

I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your mum and step father. You have been through such an awful time losing both of them.
I cannot deal with just losing my mum and cannot imagine dealing with the loss of two loved ones. It’s bad enough that my dad died 21 years ago and I feel that I have been grieving for him as well as my mum these last 14 weeks.
I also have a partner and daughter but still feel alone during this time. I’m also the only one whose life hasnt gone back to normal. I’m still off work and simply dont enjoy anything anymore. I cant watch tv as mum loved her telly, I dont enjoy drinking anymore as mum and I used to have a glass of wine together, I dont enjoy music anymore. All my plans involved my mum too.
For me, it has been baby steps and just taking things one day at a time.im already dreading the run up to Christmas and the onset of festive adverts.
I cant really offer any advice as such because I’m still grieving so much but I just wanted to respond to your post and let you know I’m thinking of you.
Cheryl x

Hi soo,

I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your mum and step father. You have been through such an awful time losing both of them.
I cannot deal with just losing my mum and cannot imagine dealing with the loss of two loved ones. It’s bad enough that my dad died 21 years ago and I feel that I have been grieving for him as well as my mum these last 14 weeks.
I also have a partner and daughter but still feel alone during this time. I’m also the only one whose life hasnt gone back to normal. I’m still off work and simply dont enjoy anything anymore. I cant watch tv as mum loved her telly, I dont enjoy drinking anymore as mum and I used to have a glass of wine together, I dont enjoy music anymore. All my plans involved my mum too.
For me, it has been baby steps and just taking things one day at a time.im already dreading the run up to Christmas and the onset of festive adverts.
I cant really offer any advice as such because I’m still grieving so much but I just wanted to respond to your post and let you know I’m thinking of you.
Cheryl x

Thank you Cheryl, you describe exactly how I feel and the way I go through my day when everything reminds me of them it’s very difficult to have any enthusiasm to do anything. I’m told to keep busy but they are still in my thoughts whatever I do, wherever I go like you say. Thinking of you too, nice to have a reply from someone who understands x

I’m so sorry to hear of your sad losses… i really do understand what your going through… i lost my Mum 4wks ago… but it stills seems like yesterday… it just doesn’t seem real… i can’t move on like the rest of the family have… i miss her so much… like you we did everything together… i can’t do anything nice because i feel so guilty if i even try to… I’m still of work… also my Mums husband my Step Dad was diagnosed with terminal Lukemia… 2wks after my Mum got diagnosed with terminal secondary bone cancer… so he is struggling with losing my Mum… so as well as trying to grieve myself I’m also trying to be brave n strong for him… I’m just struggling with everything… however i have got an on line counselling session on Wednesday… so I’m going to see if these sessions help… maybe it’s worth yourself trying them to… thinking of you Di xx

Hi Flumps
So sorry to hear of yours and Cheryl’s sad losses too, it makes you feel better coming on here to realise it’s not just you feeling so lost and alone in your grief. Hope the counselling works well for you, it’s very early days for us all so keep in touch on chat how things are going, I’ll do the same. God bless x

Hi soo and flumps?
I’m just wondering how you both are a few more weeks down the line?

Cheryl x

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