My bro dave

I feel so guilty not knowing how bad his mind was due to drink thought he was putting it on I hate myself as wasn’t more understanding he was living with me but I was at work all day and he done nothing I just feel devastated heartbroken and broken myself I’m in so much pain and feel broken my mum also has lived with me for past 10 years she didn’t want to live with my dad so just stayed its all taken over my life mum now whose disabled can’t walk my dad dying I had to pack up his flat organise funeral then my wonderful brother lived with me and I couldn’t save him I feel destroyed and still av to look after my mum and work just feel like my life is not my own and I just don’t know what to do.i don’t want to be at home I just want to run away. Can someone please help me luv Jo xxx

Oh my gosh I could have written this myself although my circumstances are slightly different. I lost my partner of 16 yrs to alcohol. Like your brother he had underlying MH problems. Unfortunately I found him dead…it was very traumatic :cry: I am consumed 24/7 with guilt and regret. Losing a loved one to addiction really does complicate our grief, so I do understand how you feel. I’m always here if you want someone to speak to

Thank you as I feel so alone my bro collapsed in my kitchen bleeding then vomiting huge amounts of blood he looked at me and said oh fuck and I called an ambulance and was crying saying oh fucking hell it will b alrite luv u dave I just feel so shit my life is working and coming home to my mums accusations about bollocks cos she hasn’t got anyone to talk to all day then as a go at me saying what’s wrong I said my bro died what do u thinks wrong and she’s like ur frosty with me and I cant deal wiv this shit luv Jo xxxx

Oh gosh, that must have been so traumatic for you. I can only imagine how you are feeling. I’m so sorry you having to go through this, with no real support. My partner unfortunately suffered a massive GI haemorrhage. Although I wasn’t with him when he died, I found him. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Have you got any family or friends you can talk to about how you’re feeling?

I do speak to my mum but she’s a drinker and very suspicious like im hiding stuff from her I just can’t deal with her anymore I was never asked about her moving in with me she just made excuses why she couldn’t leave. This is why my life is never mine I can’t even cry without mum accessing me of hiding stuff which does make me not want to talk as going away for a week and refuses to have a career in to deal with commode daily I’m so resentful of her luv Jo xxx

Can social services help. Does you’re mum have to live with you. Maybe you could get in touch with social services or housing, GPS I don’t know and see if she can be rehoused. Or maybe you could. It sounds like a awfull situation.

Hi my mum can’t walk she sleeps on settee and has a commode she never wants to go in a home or hospital I av to empty commode do dinners and get her medication.even wen she was able never wanted to leave mine make up excuses like my dad has a go at her and all she does is cry so was forced on me and she won’t av a carer cum in as hates meeting people got bad anxiety luv Jo xxxx

Hi Dave, I am so sorry you have this to deal with after losing someone so precious. You are in a very difficult situation with someone who chooses not to accept help, as harsh as it sounds, at this time you must look after you, regardless of your Mum’s views you need to get some help for her as you cannot do it all, ring social services & tell them you can’t look after your Mum be strong and say no, they will have to do something then you can have your time to begin grieving in your own way without other pressures. Take care my thoughts are with you.

I agree however hard it is to say I can’t do it anymore you have to. Even if you only get some respite care to start with

I am going away for a week with my boyfriend she refuses a carer and had been really angry with me about it I’ve got an adult social worker and she said let her get on with it my youngest son is going to do dinners wen he’s home from work.shes going to put a bag in commode to poo in then tie it up and put in I’m done trying to make her see how fucking ridiculous and selfish she’s being.ive not said she’s selfish to her as everyday get synde remarks and I try to just ignore but am feeling so resentful as she has put on me so much luv Jo xxxx

I feel so heartbroken everything I’m home as my bro lived with me so everything makes me think of him.i hate myself for trying to make him clear up his cans it would never get done and I didn’t realise his mind wasn’t working good and for the last 3 weeks I refused to clear his room I just feel so guiltyluv Jo xxx