My broken heart will never heal

Firstly I must thank you all for sharing your grieving. When I found this forum I was astonished at what I was reading, it was as though I had written some of the letters myself. My shock, disbelief, numbness,despair,rivers of tears,loneliness,and suicidal thoughts are all here
My beloved wife Pauline lost her life to cancer and was taken from me on 22nd December 2014 and since then I felt as if I was the only one suffering as I have.
The church, Cruse counselling, pills from the GP all helped a little but nothing took the pain away. You soon realise there is no magic potion.
After nearly two years I still struggle with everyday life, my mental anguish is a little less but the loneliness remains and tears can erupt almost anytime.
The saying goes " Time is a great healer" so I hope and pray that time passes quickly and brings some relief and healing to us all.
For me my love and loss are so great I fear it will be never ending.

George im sorry for your loss have you tried phoning the Samaritans ?( anybody can phone whatever there emotionlal state i do and i asked this ) Time is a great healer i disagree .Time makes me feel a different way it doesnt heal all of the pain .Im not saying all this to offend you im sorry if i do friendship hug Colin

No offence Colin just thanks for your reply

Hello George. You are very right when you list all those responses to grief. I suppose you could say at 7 weeks bereaved after losing my Husband that it’s early days for me but those weeks may as well be light years as I have no concept of time. I am in a very bad place emotionally right now and constantly revisit the entire period in my mind. In fact it’s like one of those pinball games where the silver ball pings from one place to the other. It’s a nightmare that you wake up to rather than from. I’m disappointed that I wake up at all. I personally believe suicide is a sin with no chance of repentence but think about the well-known ‘widow-effect’ and would not be sad if it happened to me.
I don’t know if time is a great healer or not personally, as this is my first major bereavement - I only know time brings distance and perspective. I hope so, I will just have to hope and see.
Kindest regards Tina

Tina
I wish you the best in the coming months and hope your faith brings you comfort. My wife also called tina died only 12 weeks ago on the 1st September . All I can say is that from reading all the postings on sue ryder site is that we are all having very similar feelings . Loneliness. Anger . Not wanting to get up in the morning or Going out alone. Talking to pictures and talking out load . Hugging her pillow in bed so as not to feel alone. I also had wishes that I would not wake up in the morning and still have those thoughts. But I know tina would not want that . I am told that all these thoughts are normal part of greaving and that we are not going mad.

I know it’s hard but I do believe that our partners are watching over us and and shadow us around which is why i continue to talk out loud .
Have you tried bereavement counciling . It’s helped me . You can just talk about your husband and all the good times you had . How you first met , favorite holidays
,what made you both laugh and chuckle

All the best Tina my thoughts are with you

Nigel

I feel so sad for you Tina. These early months are the hardest and no one but you understands the depth of pain you are feeling .One thing I am sure of is you will begin
to heal and survive these extreme sad times.
If you have family or close friends lean on them for support. My sister and daughter in law were, and are, very supportive, if only by just being there.
The church would be better if I could go alone as I am quickly in tears here and everyone seems so happy.
Pills from the GP helped for a while. Cruse counselling allowed me to talk truthfully
instead of lying about how I was feeling.
Iike you I constantly looked back at my Paulines last day with many regrets.
I am surviving against my better wishes and so will you. .
Take very good care of yourself

Sincere condolences for the loss of your wife, I appreciate your comments. Warmest regards, Tina

Hello George, thank you for your comments. They are appreciated.

Hello Tina , I’m so sorry that you too are feeling the despair and heartache that I ( and many others in this forum) are also feeling. I feel like I am living in a nightmare , I feel like a ship in a storm that doesn’t have an anchor anymore.

I don’t know how to go on without Rob, it’s been 13 weeks but the pain hasn’t lessened . I have to believe the other loved ones on this forum and that with a great deal of time we may find a way to live again. I’m sorry that you feel suicidal , please do what others have suggested and contact the Samaritans , remember they are 24 hours a day.
If you want to chat I’m here, as well as many others , god bless , Kim x

Thank you Kim for your comments. I really hope we all find some peace soon.

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