I have lost my brother, well not lost him I know exactly where he is, lying next to my mum. He is dead. I was the one to find him. He died suddenly I let myself into his house because he was not answering his phone. I walked round the house with his dog saying “Where is he hiding?” like I was talking to a toddler and then I saw him crumpled in an unnatural position in the kitchen. I checked his pulse and knew he was gone but I still called an ambulance and tried to wake him. When the ambulance arrived they took a long time to come out. I found myself getting angry they were not getting out faster. What if I was wrong, what if he was not really dead? He was. I feel like my heart has fractured. I still do my normal routine work, take care of kids etc but every so often it feels like I’m being stabbed in my chest. A song on the radio will often set me off. Its been over a month now and I am plagued with low level headaches and anger has become a new friend of mine.
I miss his laugh and even all the things I couldn’t stand about him. I thought he would be in my life forever to take care of.
I feel your pain reading this ;-( I too have lost my brother and mother … I’m now six months on and the pain is still a daily grind … I’m so so sorry for your loss x
Hello red33 I really feel your pain. All we can do is continue on and try to move forward take each day at a time, sometimes take each hour. I lost my dear brother last October. We spoke every day by phone and I miss him so much. Take care of yourself.
So sorry for your loss red33, I also lost a sibling (my younger sister). The first anniversary of her death will be 3 of May, and her birthday 5 of May. Life has not been the same, nor have I. I understand that feeling like your “heart is fractured.” I also thought we’d grow old together. To lose a sibling is losing a part of ourselves. They are our history. Your loss was so traumatic and unexpected, thus your feelings of anger are to be expected. I try to let my emotions flow and just ride out the grief rollercoaster. At work it is harder, so I must find a place to hide to do my crying. Take care of yourself at this most painful time. I hope you will post again, because you will find warm support here. With caring thoughts. Sister2