My brother seriously annoys me

I have a younger brother aged 54 it’s 5 years difference between us. My brother has Asperger syndrome
When I lost my mum my brother never came to the funeral not only that he has not showed no emotion he doesn’t seem to exhibit any grief and he lives in his own place. My dad who’s 80 years old runs around after him doing his washing he won’t buy washing machine. I’m worried sick about my dad at my dad’s age he should be taking it easy not running around after him. My mum did it for years. Now my dad is doing everything he even pays his mortgage when my brother gets into trouble with the police and goes to prison which has happened often. My dad and I believe my brother will become institutionalised eventually and spend rest of his life in prison. My dad has said to me often that he doesn’t know what’s going to become of my brother. With his condition he drives everybody insane with the way he is. He won’t even go the doctors to get medication to help him manage his condition. He’s in denial over his condition and I know it’ll become my problem when my dad goes. My dad can’t even bring up the subject of death as my brother just says there you go again talking about his death
Can someone tell me why isn’t he showing any grief and how do we help him?

Siblings. :triumph:

One of my siblings has caused no end of worry and pain for my parents. I can’t control, least of all understand, my sibling. So I just try to be a good daughter, and I try to bite my tongue and keep the peace. It’s very hard, I know.

Well my brother has been in and out of prison for various things. The court is clearly not that sympathetic to people with Asperger’s syndrome. My brother doesn’t do anything to help himself all he has to do is take medication but he just won’t go the doctors and my dad I couldn’t trust him to take the medication

Hi @Steven

You probably already know this but Asperger’s is often considered a high functioning form of autism . It can lead to difficulty interacting socially, repeat behaviors, and clumsiness. Asperger syndrome is a part of the larger developmental disorder category of autism spectrum disorder.(Copied.and pasted from internet)

People who have autism cannot change how they perceive the world, it is just who they are. Your brother sounds high functioning. In particular people who are autistic struggle with showing you how they feel through emotions and struggle to read people facial expressions etc. Usually express themselves in a manner that doesn’t seem socially acceptable, this could include behaviour that others find challenging.

I know this doesn’t help how you are feeling but it may help you to see from your brother’s perspective. You could have a look online for a free causes on “understanding autism” or do some research and watch YouTube videos.

I’ve worked for many years with people who are autistic.

Not sure if it would be suitable for your brother but adult social services should be able to help maybe give them a call and explain the situation. He may be entitled to support to help him remember medication and sort out his affairs.

Hope you find this helpful :hugs:

It helps kind of but how do you help someone like my brother who refuses to help himself he won’t go the doctors to get medication to help him manage his Asperger’s.
It’s my dad who’s 80 years old who’s running around him constantly I am seriously worried sick about my dad he doesn’t need my brother not helping himself he’s worried sick over what will become of him I am to. But I’m more worried about my dad. As I said my brother has been to prison fair few times now and my dad and I think we get peace and quiet when he’s in prison sounds harsh but it’s true. This is the reality he’ll become institutionalised eventually and it’s what worries us both.
I ask again how do we both help him to help himself this can’t go on anymore

Hi @Steven

The bottom line is you cannot help someone who doesn’t want any help. However saying that you could offer consistent support. You could try and be there for him without judgement.

As for your dad, your dad will continue to do what he chooses to do. You are both his sons and he will want to see you both right

A suggestion could you that you share the responsibility with your dad. Maybe decide who’s doing what and be consistent. You could also support your dad by maybe looking at support groups that could support you all to come to a better solution or understanding.

Check out the link below

Hopefully this may help :hugs:

The problem we’ve got is my brother keeps losing his job he only wants painting jobs and that kind of industry is temporary work. He goes to pieces when he loses his job and he takes it out on us we are the ones that are suffering the result of it. I know my brother does but the answer is not to take it out on us. He also binge drinks he goes through incredible amounts of alcohol he’s scruffy but my dad is doing everything he can he does his washing irons it he does other errands he pays his mortgage when he goes into prison. I am worried it’ll be the death of him so when it comes to my dad I will do all I can to protect him from mu brothers disgraceful selfish behaviour. I won’t let him do what he did to my mum it made my mum very ill. It’s alright an adult social care helping him but at the end of the day my dad and I are the ones putting up with this