Hi I’m new here, I lost my Dad suddenly nov 23, I found him on my own in his home, that moment replays often, worst moment of my entire life. Each month that passes I don’t want it to as I feel further away from my Dad, I had one listener in my life and that was him, now I have no one I feel I can talk to I want to talk say how I truly feel but my listener is the one I’ve lost, I pretend I’m ok everyday as I don’t want to be a burden to others and also as I feel others want or think I should be ok, so I don’t speak, say how I really feel I don’t cry, I smile and get on with it, I also don’t want to worry others about me and don’t want to upset them if they doing ok, so I plough through pretending I’m ok now truth is inside really I’m not I want to cry I want to talk and share but I don’t feel anybody’s there not really really, others don’t consider i might not be ok still , for me I think it’s still very early days but I think others think enough time has past so I’m dealing with it fine, to functioning I am I’m being me putting others first always and doing for them but don’t think anybody’s truly looking at me and that hurts, I go to cemetery to talk lately I can’t / don’t talk I have no words I’m numb there when I was talking none stop it’s gone I feel disappointed in myself that I don’t talk there lately, I like to go need to go I take flowers and makesure everything’s nice but I’m empty lately I don’t understand this, at times I feel disbelief he’s gone I know he’s gone I understand he’s gone but my thoughts confuse and feel mixed up. I think I’m lost without him and I think I’m just sailing on as I have to and do what’s expected of me from others, I always said I didn’t know what I’d do without him I’d be lost without him and I feel deep down I probably am a little bit of a floating along do what I know but inside lost at the same time, I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone and I was in two minds to join this community as I don’t want to make myself feel worse joining a community so I’m not sure what I expect from this , sorry but I’ve just emptied some of my thoughts/ feelings here
Hi. It’s brave of you to share your story and I’m very sorry for your loss, it must have been traumatic to find him. 
I too have lost my beloved dad and what you write makes sense, don’t worry. It’s good that you have joined the community, people here are willing to listen and help. I think we all feel lost without our parents and like each day carries us farther away. It’s hard when others expect you to have moved on and you smile and nod but hurt so much inside. Sending hugs and hope you will find comfort being here and seeing that others can relate. 
It makes a lot of sense. Grief is so hard and there is no right or wrong way. I very much relate to your feeling about floating. I do what is expected of me, don’t want to let anybody down and don’t want others to think that I’m sad or that I’m dwelling in sorrow. But to be honest that is what I would like to do just be sad and cry. I am learning to open up about my hurt because it is too much to hold in.
Hi
It sounds exactly how I feel too, it’s so hard because you dare not mention how you really feel incase it upsets someone or they feel they need to solve the problem but there isn’t an answer to it at all.
All I can say is that we have been the luckiest people on this earth that shared our lives and memories with such an amazing father.
To have had our dads in our life was a blessing and without them is such a massive loss it leave a hole in us
I’m sat here reading your message and I was already crying writing mine and I’ve done the same and wrote it down to try to get the pain out
My dad passed away 28th February 2016 and it broke me and left me feeling like you said too that there is a numbness that’s left
I am sending my love it won’t help or solve anything but I feel your pain and your not alone xxxxxx
Our lovely dads