Hi I’m new here, I lost my Dad suddenly nov 23, I found him on my own in his home, that moment replays often, worst moment of my entire life. Each month that passes I don’t want it to as I feel further away from my Dad, I had one listener in my life and that was him, now I have no one I feel I can talk to I want to talk say how I truly feel but my listener is the one I’ve lost, I pretend I’m ok everyday as I don’t want to be a burden to others and also as I feel others want or think I should be ok, so I don’t speak, say how I really feel I don’t cry, I smile and get on with it, I also don’t want to worry others about me and don’t want to upset them if they doing ok, so I plough through pretending I’m ok now truth is inside really I’m not I want to cry I want to talk and share but I don’t feel anybody’s there not really really, others don’t consider i might not be ok still , for me I think it’s still very early days but I think others think enough time has past so I’m dealing with it fine, to functioning I am I’m being me putting others first always and doing for them but don’t think anybody’s truly looking at me and that hurts, I go to cemetery to talk lately I can’t / don’t talk I have no words I’m numb there when I was talking none stop it’s gone I feel disappointed in myself that I don’t talk there lately, I like to go need to go I take flowers and makesure everything’s nice but I’m empty lately I don’t understand this, at times I feel disbelief he’s gone I know he’s gone I understand he’s gone but my thoughts confuse and feel mixed up. I think I’m lost without him and I think I’m just sailing on as I have to and do what’s expected of me from others, I always said I didn’t know what I’d do without him I’d be lost without him and I feel deep down I probably am a little bit of a floating along do what I know but inside lost at the same time, I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone and I was in two minds to join this community as I don’t want to make myself feel worse joining a community so I’m not sure what I expect from this , sorry but I’ve just emptied some of my thoughts/ feelings here
Hi. It’s brave of you to share your story and I’m very sorry for your loss, it must have been traumatic to find him. 
I too have lost my beloved dad and what you write makes sense, don’t worry. It’s good that you have joined the community, people here are willing to listen and help. I think we all feel lost without our parents and like each day carries us farther away. It’s hard when others expect you to have moved on and you smile and nod but hurt so much inside. Sending hugs and hope you will find comfort being here and seeing that others can relate. 
It makes a lot of sense. Grief is so hard and there is no right or wrong way. I very much relate to your feeling about floating. I do what is expected of me, don’t want to let anybody down and don’t want others to think that I’m sad or that I’m dwelling in sorrow. But to be honest that is what I would like to do just be sad and cry. I am learning to open up about my hurt because it is too much to hold in.
Hi
It sounds exactly how I feel too, it’s so hard because you dare not mention how you really feel incase it upsets someone or they feel they need to solve the problem but there isn’t an answer to it at all.
All I can say is that we have been the luckiest people on this earth that shared our lives and memories with such an amazing father.
To have had our dads in our life was a blessing and without them is such a massive loss it leave a hole in us
I’m sat here reading your message and I was already crying writing mine and I’ve done the same and wrote it down to try to get the pain out
My dad passed away 28th February 2016 and it broke me and left me feeling like you said too that there is a numbness that’s left
I am sending my love it won’t help or solve anything but I feel your pain and your not alone xxxxxx
Our lovely dads
It makes alot of sence. Very few will understand you because very few people have/had such close bond with their parent. The usual is more of people not having great relatipnships with their parents.
I completely understand you when you say by each month you are slipping further away from him. This scares me too.
I can’t comprehend how I will manage to live my life without seeing and talking to my dad. I can’t even describe my pain. I can just say that Im dead too.
Regarding talking to him by the grave… neither I can get a word out whem Im there, because if there is an afterlife he is surely not there so I don’t want to think of him being there either. But I do talk to him at home, I cry out everyday. I have not spent a day in my life without my dad untill his passing this year, Im 32. He was the only one I had/have and the only one I needed/need. Everyday when I serve my plate of dinner, I set out a plate for him too, I have a small picture and lit a candel and we wat together and I talk to him, mostly cry, but that is my was. I cant and wont live my life like he is not here. Acting like many others oh he is gone, it is over etc. No. Regardless of the fact that there is an afterlife or not I do not know for sure. But it gives me some kind of comfort to cook and serve him food he liked and us eating together.
I dont have any advice. I can just tell you that very very few people will understand because I have come to realization that very very few people have such a wonderful, loving, caring parent and very few people have such strong bond with their parent. Which makes me realize how blessed I truly am for having such a great dad, but it does not lessen the pain. The pain is great. Too great for me to bare a lifetime here
We are blessed to have had such amazing Dads and such close bonds , today for me hasnt been a good day it’s so hard and it hurts so much,
Everybody does things different I think you got to do what is some sort of comfort for you , I think to myself my Dad would definitely not want to see me like this so that makes me fight harder to be stronger but at times it’s indescribable the pain I feel inside and at times can’t manage it well I sometimes feel I have no where to put my tears no where to put my thoughts my feelings and it builds until I just cry all day and feel so sensitive to anything in daily life , but again my dad would want me to be strong he always taught me “ you have one life live it “ “life’s short” and I try to hear him say that to me nearly everyday and I talk to him everyday and I believe there is afterlife and I believe he’s trying to help me , like I think your dad is with you and trying to help you too
I feel your pain and totally understand how you feel and your absolutely right it is such an amazing and wonderful thing to have had a life with such an amazing loving parent and yes we are blessed and our memories are precious but our heartbreak and pain is unbearable
Sending you lots of love xxxxx we share the same pain xxxxx
Your words resonate with me. Indeed we were blessed, people often have complicated relationships with their parents and most seem surprised by such closeness. I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. But the pain, oh, the pain. I don’t want to be here without my dad and I hate that I have to be. Much love and hugs.
I don’t want to be here either. I only had my dad and now I have no one. Even if I would have people and I would have everything that considers happiness in this life, I don’t want it. I don’t want anything, I just want to be with my dad
I feel exactly the same … I would give anything to be with my dad if I knew that I would definitely be there
But I have to say … I will one day … and until I am I’m going to make some mistakes and try to have some fun so we have more to chat about for longer and he can laugh at me and roll his eyes