My Dad Died Infront Of Me

[gonegirl]

Hello.
5 days before my 18th birthday my stepfather suddenly collapsed in our living room and passed away. I saw him die. He didn’t suffer and passed away quickly after falling. I saw his dead face, his blank eyes staring up at our living room ceiling.
I was the one to call the ambulance, I was screaming and sobbing- my mother who with three other children had been on her own since she was 25. My mother was 40 when he passed, he was 37.
My stepfather had been diagnosed with dilated cardiomyopathy when he was 23 and had gotten into a relationship with my mother when he was 32 and they only married last year.
When my mother came home to tell me he had passed I screamed and cried until I was short of breath- I didn’t sleep that night.

It hasn’t been two weeks since he’s died and I can’t cope with his death. I don’t believe he’s gone and I feel like I’m dreaming and that this isn’t real life.
I was 17 when he died. I need advice on how to get through this.
Thanks.

[Mel]

Hi Gonegirl

I am so sorry to read your post. I had exactly the same as you with my Dad, I was on my own with him and shouted for my Mum and then things went from there.

I have been told since I looked for ages after as if my world had caved in, it had and I can still remember how awful those days were. This was over 20 years ago. My Mum passed away more recently so I am going through that whole situation again.

You don’t say whether you are working or at college? I am sure you are not doing either at the moment. If you are at college there should be lots of help you can access. Your tutor should help you sort out support within the college, counselling and if necessary could get your course deferred until you are ready to resume the work. If you are working more difficult as workplaces have a nasty habit of wanting people to go back far too quickly. You could ask for a phased return, part time at first. If necessary your Doctor can write you off for longer if you need more time.

I returned to work three weeks after my Dad and it was difficult but my memories of how kind my colleagues were to me and the support I got there are good. Some people will understand, others won’t. If you can find one person who you can go to in times of need it makes a big difference. I had someone and could go to her and she would let me sit in her office and just cry or talk, whatever I needed.

The big thing I was told after Mum was not to do anything I didn’t want to. It is very liberating to say no to people I find. You don’t have to give a reason, just ‘I don’t want to’. If people have a problem with that then it is their problem not yours.

I hope other people respond to you. I am sure one of the moderators will come on and give you good advice.

Take care
Mel