My dad passed away this morning.He was 80 and had been increasingly ill and frail for some time so we were expecting it to happen, just not so soon.
Sadly due to hospital covid rules and the fact he passed quite suddenly, neither myself of my mum were able to visit recently and did not get to say goodbye, and this has made it much harder along with the fact he never got to meet our 3wk old baby.
We didn’t have the closest of relationships but obviously he was still my dad, and I have many happy family memories with him from childhood.
It just feels like there was so much left unsaid and undone…and I feel so bad for my poor mum now being on her own its heartbreaking as they had been married a long time and were close.
I just don’t know how I’ll come to terms with never saying goodbye?! or even getting a final chance to share happy memories, tell him thanks for all he has done for me throughout my life, or tell him that I cared about him
So sorry at your loss and you will be in shock. Having to deal with the loss of your dad at a time when you have welcomed your new baby - I can’t even begin to imagine.
I lost my dad 11 years ago and was slightly older than you at the time. But I recall how I felt after he died. I Iived with guilt for a while as I had had to persuade him to go to hospital. I told him that he needed treatment and would soon be out knowing that this was not the case. Six weeks later he died and no one was at his side. I had a cold the last three days of his life and because it was a respiratory ward was not allowed to visit. They called me at work early morning and told me to get my mother and family there as quickly as possible but none of us made it in time. It took a while to get over the guilt of both having had to lie to him to get him to go into the ambulance and not being able to see him the last days. My husband got me through this period.
I am sure that your dad knew how much you appreciated and loved him and will have been immensely proud of all your achievements.
Unfortunately my husband died when our oldest grandson was only 9 months and our son has another baby boy. All I can tell you is what I have said to our son and that is take all the good things your dad taught you, all the experiences that you shared and hold dear and make sure your child is told about them. I have started a memory box for our grandsons and this year booked a cottage for the whole family to go and spend time at one of our favourite family holiday locations.
Thanks so much Sheila for your supportive reply and sharing your own story about the loss of your dad.How sad that you were also not allowed to visit and he too died without family by his side.It sounds a very similar situation to ours…sometimes everything is such bad timing.My dad was desperate to pass away at home and even just a day later he would have been able to.Life is so cruel sometimes.Its hard not to second guess decisions and feel guilty isn’t it.
Sorry to hear your husband passed away too,especially as your grandson was so young. Thankyou for the advice…luckily we also have an older daughter who is 4.5 years so he was able to enjoy being a grandad to her for awhile, mostly whilst in good health, and she is old enough to remember him.
I am feeling better today than yesterday, but obviously the grief comes and goes in waves so aware the process will be full of ups and downs.I am channelling my focus into supporting my mum and my little girls are keeping me busy and helping me to feel better.I have a very supportive husband aswell so am lucky in that.
Thank you. There will still be challenges ahead and many arrangements to make - these usually keep your mind occupied and sometimes it is after the event.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing but something that none of us have. My dad was desperate to stay home but given his condition it was not appropriate. It has only been fourteen months since my husband died and I wish every day that he had not gone out on his bike.
I have to try and focus on our kids and grandsons.
Hello, I’m so sorry for your loss and send my condolences to you. I lost my own dad last August, he had been in a care home for over a year and suddenly went down hill basically he had septic shock got taken to hospital and never came out. We were only allowed to see him the last two days of him being in there. But only for an hour a time which by this point he wasn’t aware of us anyway. Like you I never got to thank him for everything or say goodbye the way I wanted to. Beating myself up for the pain and state he was in. But I do believe your dad would of known how much you loved him and that he loved you very much and wouldn’t want you to be going through this as he is now pain free.