My Dad, my best friend

In May my Dad passed away suddenly.
Whilst it’s been my worst fear for a long time, certainly since losing my Mum in 2006, I really didn’t think I was going to lose him any time soon.
My Dad was my best friend, my rock, my absolute favourite person in the world.
I still lived with my Dad, it never made any sense why people expected me to move out, why would I leave him on his own to be lonely?
The problem now is that my world feels like an alien one.
I get up in the morning and I feel my Dads absence, I come home from work and he’s not there, any time I come home and expect to hear his happy voice asking me how my day was or how something was.
We used to go for beach walks, used to go out for lunch, used to go away for the weekend or to the cinema. Or just stay at home and watch a film or tv show together.
I enjoyed spending time with him and after losing my Mum it was so important to me that I had memories with my Dad, that I didn’t regret not doing things.
We have so many photos and sometimes they’re comforting, but mostly it’s all painful reminders of what I’ve lost and what we’ll never have again.
I miss him so much, nobody talks about him, he’s mentioned in passing, like he was an idea of something that existed rather than a physical person.
As soon as the funeral passed people stopped asking if I was ok, stopped seeing if I wanted to do things, so now I spend the majority of my evenings alone.
I’m waiting for bereavement counselling but right now there’s no support, no nothing, I’m just alone.
Occasionally I feel angry at my Dad for leaving me, or angry at myself because maybe I missed noticing that he was i don’t know getting old or getting ill.
And I feel guilty because when I cry, I cry for my Dad, I say I miss my Dad, he’s the one I’m longing to see, and I feel guilty that I used to say that about my Mum and right now I can only feel how heartbroken I am for my Dad.

Oh goodness ARC86. I feel your pain. It’s so difficult to even begin to come terms with what’s happened. This site can give you some comfort just knowing you are not alone.
Yes, it’s amazing how everyone is so helpful then, when you need them most, they seem to disappear. It’s once the funeral is over and the paperwork done that it often hits you. The pain and grief. I can only say do your best. It’s all we can do.
It’s 10 months since my wife died and I’m just about coping. It is a little bit better and I’m taking more interest in the world. But there is no time limit to grief or any set way of doing it. Everyone is individual and will find their own way. But we all have this one thing in common here. Grief!
You are not alone as everyone here will testify. I have found this site so helpful. Pain is not something to try and avoid, but to be accepted as part of the grieving process.
I often see a light in the far distance and it does get brighter. Slowly, very slowly.
Bad times get less and better times better. Give yourself time. It can’t be hurried.
It’s very early days for you and what I have said may make little sense. But keep posting and come back and talk to us all. Blessings.

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