My dad, my confidant

Losing a parent
1

I lost my dad in september 2021.

Story is, I love 40 miles away from my family and one night my sister called me to let me know our dad was in hospital, she also said I should go in to see him, I have a young child and where I live I don’t have much support to call someone to leave my child with, anyways I told her I’ll come in but I heard my dad say tell her no as I do t want her driving in the dark. My dad knows I hated driving in the dark. So I respected my dad and didn’t go then this was 8.10pm.
I got a call just after midnight to say I had to rush in to the hospital. I left my fiancé with our son and drove like a maniac as I had no idea what was happening.
I got to the hospital and got escorted to my dad’s ward and room. He was awake, looked fine and had his usual dad jokes which is him all over.
So I sat and spoke to him only for 15 minutes if that when the nurse came in and attached a machine thing which turned out to be medicine to help him sleep into a coma. At that time I had NO IDEA what that was for but I sat and spoke to my dad, stroked his arm and helped him ease off to sleep not knowing he wouldn’t wake up again. My sisters turned to the nurse and said “ so is that him at ease now and to pass away in his sleep”
I’m like shell shocked that they never told me anything like that was happening or I would have told my dad how much I love him and his grandchild AND I would have shown him a photo of me at my WEDDING DRESS fitting!!! He never got to see me in my dress that he bought. Never got to walk me down the aisle.
Within a couple days he passed away peacefully.

I later found out after his death that he had pulmonary fibrosis and he knew all along but told everyone he didn’t want me to find out as it would hurt me more than my sisters. I’m 100 percent a daddy’s girl, he is my hero.

I feel sad that I never got to say good bye, I’m annoyed that I wasn’t told so I could have had more time with him and im pissed off that he kept it from me for years.

Now 2 years on I feel like my world has crumbled and I can’t even talk or think of my dad without crying. I have no idea what to do to help.

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Sounds like your dad loved you very much and just wanted to spare you more heartache.
He would have known you loved him very much and that will never change. Just remember all the happy times. I dont know whats worse knowing someone’s dying and watching them slip away or finding out afterwards all the awful details. I watched both my dad and my husband dying and i knew it was going to happen its not nice seeing your loved ones dying and feeling absolutely useless. Hope you can find some peace. Reach out to your family and let them help you. Talk about your dad laugh, cry, and just think how lucky you was to have such a wonderful father. He would have been watching you get married and been very proud.Take care.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a year ago this week. I get tearful when I think about him. Like you a proper Daddy’s girl. If it is any comfort to you, from what I read your Dad did what he did because he didn’t want you upset. I find talking to people on here about how I feel helps and looking through at some of the other messages people have left.

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