My dad my warrior and how are you he nhs let her m fown

Losing a parent
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I lost my dad 5 weeks ago it was his funeral yesterday.

How it all started. M dad was diagnosed with stage 4 prostate cancer last July after 4 and a half years taking him to doctors telling them my dad had headaches, swollen feet and loosing weight. They kept dismissing him saying it was COPD and gout.

After he was diagnosed he started receiving injections ns and we were told he had many years and it would not be the cancer it would be old age. My dad was still complaining off headaches and again dismissed. January 20th 2026 I made appointment for my dad at gp. He was still driving at 87 and said he would drive himself to doctor. I got a gut feeling in my stomach to call and check he arrived OK and was alarmed when my mum told me my dad had a black out at steering wheel. I rushed to doctors and again doctor dismissed him even although my dad was now blind. He sent him home saying it was COPD. I took m dad to hospital myself I kept telling them my dad has had a stroke as there is a condition we have fibro muscular displasia as same thing happened to me

Again we were dismissed. Imy dad was waiting two weeks for mri scan and I wanted to take him private and they wouldn’t allow me to. I was down on my hands and knees begging for them to put him on blood thinners and they wouldn’t they said it was prostate cancer that moved to his brain. My dad went on to have second stroke. Weeks passed they starved him left him naked, soaking wet in shower. They left him in his jammies soaking wet with urine. I took m dad home and he was getting better. I kept calling asking for reviews bur doctors would not come out. I said m dad had urine and chest infection cause they dismissed me. I got doctor on call out and they said your dad definitely has infection and put him on antibiotics. Again m dad was improving I took him out a drive for ice cream and was so happy to see m dad getting better. They antibiotics stopped the Friday and again my dad turned ill. I got doctor our he said yes ur dad has infection but didn’t give antibiotics. He spoke to me me and m daughter and said you need to except he’s dying. That night my dad started getting seizures I called paramedics. They arrived did nothing as said my dad did not meet the criteria for the drugs to stop seizures. My dad took another seizure I told paramedics they said he isn’t. I had to push them out the way and give m dad mouth to mouth and bring him back to life. He had to wait another 24 hours for his gp to visit next day as doctor on call said he was finishing his shift and would not come out. When his doctor arrived she would not exam him or carry out a neurological exam. She stated he will be gone in few hours or days he has bleed on the brain. When I was calling my dad my warrior she said don’t do that he won’t be here soon.

I called his stroke nurse and she advised to ask for another evaluation as she stated the doctor can’t say that without Mrs scans or ct scan. I called again asking for doctor to come out access my dad but they wouldn’t and told me not the feed her n or give him fluids. They just doped m dad u on morphine. My dad was taking fluids from me through a syringe but because they had him high on morphine and other drugs I could not feed him or give him proper fluids. I have recordings on my phone my dad saying he was staving and wanted a wee cup off tea. My dad lasted over a week. I feel they made me starve my dad to death. M dad sadly passed away 30th March an 1hr and a half before my mum and dad’s 50,th wedding anniversary. The doctors tried the say was a bleed on brain I wouldn’t except this still it went to prosecution fiscal and they ordered a post mortem. It turns out my dad had pneumonia and she was right. These doctors killed my dad and it’s breaking my heart as I feel it is all my fault. If doctors never said ny dad would be dead in few hours I’d have rushed him to hospital. My dad was my hero my warrior my word. I was his shadow I seen him every day took him everywhere spent my life with him. I now feel I don’t have a purpos I have no friends am all alone as my only sibling was murdered 5years ago and he got found not proven he stole everything from her house nor even leaving me with her birth certificate while police Scotland allowed this and stopped me entering the house but he was aloud as he was he boyfriend. I feel I hate the world. What is the point in life anymore. When they died I have also

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @Daddysgirl81, it sounds like it has been an utterly traumatic few months for you, when you have already been through so much.

The NHS Inform website has a guide on how to make a complaint which you can find here: How to complain to the NHS - Scotland

You can talk this through with the Patient Advice and Support Service (PASS) who would be best placed to advise you. You can find your local PASS here: NHS complaints procedure - PASS

You may also find these Sue Ryder resources helpful:

Take care, you’re not alone.

Seaneen

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Hi Daddysgirl, I am so sorry about your suffering. From what you have said it looks like you and your father have received no compassion from the doctors you have had. I have noticed that there are times when doctors decide that the patient is better off dead and they seem to want to get things over as quickly as possible. While my wife was dying I was asked repeatedly if I didn’t want to give her something to speed the process up. As if getting it over quickly was something good. My wife woke and hugged me many times before she finally called for her mother and died. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss any of those hugs just to speed things up.
I’m sure your father is with you now in your suffering. You really need to talk through your bereavement to help you cope, finding a therapist or priest would help I am sure.
Wishing you all the strength you need
Tom :people_hugging::people_hugging::people_hugging::people_hugging:

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Thanks for your your kind words i really do appreciate it. I am so sorry to hear about your wife my condolences I hope you are surviving and staying strong. I am sure also she is watching down on you by your side.

Take care and god bless

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Hello, im so sorry for everything you went through with your dad. I don’t know where you live but its unbelievable how doctors would just dismiss his symptoms :confused: I know how you feel, I went through a lot with my husband too before he died in the hospital. I kept telling his doctor he didn’t feel well. He just wanted to start him on dialysis, my husband had a kidney transplant, his new kidney was failing, but I knew something else was going on. Turned out he had pneumonia, was septic. Went into a coma, something with his brain as well, it was too much. Hes finally at peace . May God help us find some peace as well. God bless

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Am so sorry for your loss and thanks for your kindness. I hope you are pursuing the hospital for negotiations as that is what I am doing.

I don’t want money or anything I just want someone to be held accountable for so many failings on my dad’s health and to prevent someone else and their family having to go through what me my mum and my daughter is going through.

I am so sorry to hear about your husband my thoughts and love go out to you.

Everyone tells you to stay strong but some times we just can’t and it is OK to break at end off day. I live in Scotland but feel so alone as my dad was the love off my life he cave me purpose as I have no friends or close family just my mum and daughter which I am grateful I have. I hope you have someone. Message me anytime. Xx

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Hello, yes it will be my pleasure to keep in touch. God bless

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Awh thankyou. So how are you coping? X

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Hello, honestly im not doing good, I keep thinking about my husband every minute of the day, he went through so much just to lose his battle in the end, and I’ve lost my soul mate, best friend, my everything. Still crying every day for the love of my life who’s gone.

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Sorry its probably too soon for me to offer any good advice on how to cope.:downcast_face_with_sweat:

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Am so so sorry sending big hugs and love. My wee mum and dad would have been 50 years married if he held on for another hour and a half but I told him he could go. I read letters he sent me when I was in army. I really ad the lord is my shepherd then played abide by me and he slipt away. My dad was the love off my life my best friend we were like split souls so I can imagine what ur feeling. I lost my only sibling 5 years ago her bf murdered her so am still grieving her also.

I get annoyed when people say he’s at peace or it gets easier. I feel angry with the world as I was in a few bad relationships and think why is it always the good people.

Honestly if your ever feeling alone just drop me a msg and I’ll try get bk to you ASAP.

Where are you from? X

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Hello, I feel the same way, why is it the good people who suffer? :worried:I live in California. My husband was a good man, he had so many friends and his children adored him and our grandchildren are missing their grandfather. My husband went through a lot with his health, but I never thought I would lose him. I’m so sorry to hear about your sibling :pensive_face:. May God give you strength that’s a lot for anyone to deal with

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Awh well just think your husband lives through your kids and grandkids. I keep telling my mum that m dad’s not gone as I am still with her and his wee granddaughter and we came from my dad. Sorry will continue to live for m dad and I hope you do for your kids and grandkids. They both will be shinny NG down on us and smiling we have made a new friend from across the wide world. My dad was my mums first and only true love. You don’t meet men like my dad and your husband anymore that’s why I am alone. Sending love x

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Hello, that was my husband and I, we were each other’s first and only love :heart: some people might not believe that but totally true, we met when we were 19 got married at 22, our daughter was born when we were 23, second child we were 26. My husband and I were the same age, only 2 weeks apart. Now im gonna get older without him. God bless you my friend

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Hi lightmary, my wife was the first and last girl I asked out. I saw a pretty girl walking past me at eighteen and I was hooked. I invited her for a drink, then a meal and the next morning I was outside her door. I soon found out I would have to change countries to keep hold of her but it was worth it.
Wishing you a lovely evening
Tom

:people_hugging::people_hugging:

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Hello, that is lovely, and that’s why I think its harder for us because they were the love of our lives, and for me I consider myself to still be young ish, but my husband will be my one and only love. Have a good day as well

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I always have reverance for the NHS, but …..

It really is like things have massively deteriorated over the years. Had similar issues with my own Dad, he had an infection for months but the GP kept fobbing him off with antibiotics, which weren’t having any effect.

Ended up hospitalised and was having falls and mini strokes, they just kept him in the frailty ward (which was awful), because oh he’s just old, didn’t bother looking at the infection, then kept getting sent home, but hospitalised again, and again, until he had a major stroke and went to a different hospital.

It took that hospital to discover “incidentally” and investigate the infection which had necrotised (reached the bone). Even then that was awful as there was a strike, and no doctor was on the ward for 5 days!

Transferred to the stroke ward, where finally a kind and empathetic doctor who realised what was really going on, put him on palliative.

Oh and, this was all going on the same time my Mum was in hospice, with cancer. She passed away two days before my Dad got transferred to hospice. They both got ill the same month! My Mum got transferred to hospice quicker, because it was obvious cancer, with my Dad it took more time.

The amount of admin and phone calls were insane, I had to keep my phone with me at all times, even in the shower! We were visiting them both every day, despite the different locations.

The saving grace is that they both ended up in lovely hospices, where they both were hugely popular (they were generally :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:) and loved by the nurses there, and passed in nice comfortable surroundings with us family.

Now onto my partner, diagnosed with terminal cancer (only 2 weeks after my Dad passed) with weeks to live, I’ve pretty much had to check every admin letter he received, that final prognosis phone call to the oncologist, contact the adult social workers and palliative team to arrange for hospice care (at home) and appointments, arrange transport for appointments, renew his medications with his GP. The departments don’t talk to each other!!!

How are people who are completely alone supposed to navigate all this? You’d be very surprised at the amount of people stuck on their own. Witnessed it myself in every hospital and hospice. Truly heartbreaking to see other patients not even get a single visitor :broken_heart:

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Awh my heart goes out to you it really does and it’s a true saying my dad said there is always someone worse off or in the same vote as yourself.

Again my condolences for the loss off your poor mum dad and am so sorry to hear about your partner.

People like us need to make a stand so it stops getting bussed under the carpet and the government finally take accountability for there actions. They keep spending money on pot holes that u never actually see getting fixed d or building train stations and like corvid giving their mates back handers.

I am actually starting a petion as where I stay they said there was nothing care at home but if my dad stayed 10 miles away he would have got it. If you ever need to chat am here. I am from Scotland x

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They don’t love each other like the pardon am not being rude but the old timers. I would do anything to have what my parents had. I married my first bf had our daughter but when he came back from the army he got a 16 Yr old pregnant. 19 years on he is still with her but still married to me as won’t divorce me. He has took nothing to do with my daughter but that is his loss. My dad was basically my daughters dad too as he raised her stuck by me and my daughter to let me go to work. She is 24 now a qualified jockey and nurse and that’s all thanks to my dad my hero. I just look smile at her and look up to the sky and say thanks dadx

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All that’s a beautiful story. Why don’t they make men like you anymore. God bless you. Your wife was a lucky woman and you a lucky man x