I’m 31 and my dad died 2 months ago, he was 58 and perfectly fine had been to a darts game and just died in the car park earlier due to heart problems, all his friends said he was in good spirits and happy, I have 2 younger sisters whom are from a different mother and they were a complete family, we didn’t see each other enough but we did when it counted like birthdays or holidays etc, I feel guilty like an awful son one day and the next I feel so angry, I’ve upped my dosage of antidepressants just to be able to carry on, he was an amazing emotional caring man who taught me morals and how to treat people (even though I didn’t always act that way) I’ve managed to block the feelings out for now as the funeral was what I can only describe as traumatic and I’d rather forget, he was so dedicated to his family and paying off the mortgage he worked himself to death and it’s not fair someone like me who’s selfish gets to live on and he’s gone
so sorry for your loss.
dads are so important to us.
life can be so unfair … you sound o.k. their greatest hope is that we manage …
Hi Loubro, You will see from my posts how guilty I have felt since losing my mam in November. It’s part of grief. I didn’t know how precious our time was when I was trying to finish jobs in the garden. I could have spent that time with her. My mam had cancer and nobody knew. I’m so sorry about your dad. You will feel so lost without him and angry. I think we try to make sense of things. I would still gladly trade places with mam so she could live on. Your dad sounds like a lovely man. It is so unfair that our loved ones leave us behind. I’ve cried solidly for 2 months and I’m not able to cry anymore. I’m now stuck in a vast emptiness, relieved when bedtime comes but then I can’t sleep. I created a shrine for mam and it helps me to feel close to her (see CREATING A SHRINE FOR MY MAM). I posted pics of it to encourage others to try it if they want to, to create a space in which to be close to their loved ones. I can’t visit the grave and so I will have some of mams ashes with me. I too found the church and crem services so distressing that I could barely stand up. Another thing which helped me was a tribute site for mam, muchloved.com where you can post photos, give thoughts, cards, flowers, light a candle. It’s free and everyone can add to it but you would say what is ok to post. Might be a nice thing to do for your dad, to reach out to his other family. He was so young. You will feel cheated that he didn’t enjoy his retirement. But it sounds like he enjoyed his life, worked hard to provide for his family. Take comfort in that he enjoyed a full life, with friends who cared about him. So many people do not have that. Whatever you are feeling is natural and this is such a long and emotional rollercoaster. If you need medication to help you that is fine. Both my sisters have upped their dose to help them cope. My sister just returned to work and has had to take time off. Until people lose a loved one they have no clue as to how it feels. It’s like being in a club. Keep posting because it will help you to get through whatever you are feeling. It has helped me. Everyone here is feeling everything you are feeling. You aren’t alone. Sending you love xxx
Hi Loubro, My post went to Berit but it’s for you. Not sure what happened x
Hey I lost my dad a year ago suddenly after a really quick battle with leukaemia- he sounds like your dad, he was kind and good and so hardworking, I mostly just don’t understand or accept it, I miss him so much I’m not used to being able to call him, I feel like my grief is a bit delay bc I put it to one side as I’m single parenting my son, I feel the similarly as you described, it doesn’t feel right, he was a better person than I ever will I ever be. it hurts - I don’t really know how to talk about it unless with people who have been through very similar
Thank you for your lovely reply I’ve read it a few times as it’s probably the best response from anyone I’ve had in real life, one sister has gone back to uni now down in Brighton and despite feeling the grief probably more than me my other sister has just gone to Spain to complete her uni assignment to do with teaching, Im so proud of them both as I’m still barely functioning apart from working and sleeping, I’ve been cancelling all plans with friends usually on the same day so now they’ve gone quiet, my mum (who separated from my dad after a few months after I was born) has been suffering silently more than I realised over his death which has made me so much guiltier, but I mean at least I’m going to work and doing the stuff I have to to survive I guess? I feel like life’s a lie. Some days are much better than others though. Thanks for the shrine idea my younger sister (who I’d call the most responsible of of us all) made a little keepsake box full of random things that belonged to him so that’s my shrine jn a way, I kinda wanna keep them locked up though for now so I know they’re there but safe, people keep trying to get me to do things like play darts which he loved and say he would love it - and I have done out of pressure but to be honest I just don’t want to it feels wrong at the moment. I read a couple of your posts and I hope
You’re keeping well it sounds like you’ve had
It bad too and this might sound weird but it’s almost nice knowing someone else understands. Again thank you for your reply, you seem lovely, oh and I think funerals are an awful show we all have to put on and this still makes me angry lol 