I lost my Dad a year ago in 10 days time. Im counting down, like im in a rush to get the anniversary over, it will be the last of the firsts. I think im expecting to feel better haga. My mom and brother and s-i-l would like us to be together on the day, go out, have lunch etc WHY? Its not a celebration. I dont want to be with anyone. But i feel guilty, so guilty i dont want to be with them. I love them and im selfish. But i want to be on my own with my Dad, oh how i loved him. I wait every day to feel my Dad’s presence, wishing he would hug me again. But i never do. You see my Dad was so special to me, i know he was to my family too. Of course he was. He wasnt frail or ill for a long time but i think he was and never let on. Im kind of cross for leaving me, how is it his fault? Then i am swamped with guilt again. Why cant i be there for my 85 year old mom and my brother. More guilt. I just want my Dad to myself. Goodness me im 61, why am i being so selfish. If i do spend the day alone, i will feel more guilt. My Dad was so vibrant, so alive, i think im still in shock.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad, @ELLE11. You’re not alone. You might want to connect with @Rachel18 whose dad’s first anniversary is coming up, too. She shared her story on this thread yesterday.
I shared our coping with anniversaries page on Rachel’s thread, and you might find it helpful, too.
I hope you find the community to be a support to you - you’re not alone.
Take care,
Seaneen