My Dad

It will be 2 years next month since I lost my dad to cancer. We were very close and we shared the same hobby and I used to take him out every Sunday so we could indulge in our love of photography.
He went from a sprightly old man to a skeleton in just a few months.
We were lied to by the consultant at the hospital and It hit me hard.
I think of him every day but recently I’ve been feeling like I’m overcome with grief.
I’m having difficulty at work with a lousy boss and I feel myself welling up when I think about him. I look at pics and videos on my phone and it all seems too much.
I haven’t told my wife about any of this because I don’t feel I can talk to her.
She suffered from depression in the past and she hates it when someone says they’re depressed as used as an over used word.
All I can do is suffer in silence, some days I’m ok but others it only takes the slightest thing to set me off but I have to hide it.
It’s like I’m living 2 different lives.
At home when I’ve got things to do and think about I’m ok but commuting and when I’m at work is when it comes out but I can’t show anyone at work as I work in what can only be described as a place from the 70’s/80’s with that sort of mentality.
I hope I haven’t rambled. I have had many, many dark thoughts. I just don’t know how to get out of this.
After my dad died my wife was very good but I really don’t know how to approach this as her mother has been ill recently too.

Hi Tiggerums
I’m sorry you feel so alone with your grief. Could you try reaching out to say Cruse? They’re very good. I was just browsing their Christmas cards on Facebook and someone popped up and asked if I wanted to chat, which was very helpful. I know they have a phone number you can ring, which I’m sure others will know or you could Google it.

Or do you have a GP who you can talk to? Some GPs can be very supportive. And while not counsellors would probably refer you on for counselling, although cognitive behaviour therapy is the treatment of choice for depression these days, challenging our negative thoughts.

There really is no time scale for grief. So please don’t best yourself up about your feelings.

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Many thanks for your response Sue, I will certainly check them out tomorrow.

Hi Tiggerums

You don’t need to suffer in silence. I still suffer terribly since losing my mum suddenly nearly 2 and a half years ago.

The first year is awash with arrangements, probate, getting over the shock etc.

The second year is about adjusting to the new life without them. After the 2 years is up no one even mentions them anymore.

I darent tell my family how sad I still am and how unsociable I feel because they would think it ridiculous after ‘all’ this time.

But on this site you will find plenty of people still struggling without their mum or dad


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Thank you Cheryl, only today I have been in so many tears that I struggled to work, fortunately I work with a visor on and my back to my colleagues. It seems to come in waves and it brings on a lot of fatigue aswell. I just feel drained, my wife often comments that I fall asleep as soon as I get home and we turn the telly on.
It’s the only respite I get it seems.
I’m scared to say anything to anyone as you’ve said it so well as they think after 2 years that you should be well over it by now.
It seems that it’s getting worse everyday.
After the first 6 months or so it seemed as I was OK, I seemed to think about him a bit less but in the last few weeks it’s hit me like it happened only yesterday again.
I seem to want to torture myself by listening to his favourite music and looking at his pictures and of course this brings it all back.
My mum is coming up to her 91st birthday and she seemed to get over his passing a lot better than I have been able to.
I just don’t know the answer.


I’m not sure there is one other than living your life the best way you can. I realised that my relationship with my partner was starting to suffer last year so I dont really mention how I feel much anymore. It’s not right but I was making my other half and our daughters life miserable with my constant grief.

I miss my mum so much. She was my best friend and my support and I can confidently state now that I will never get over losing her. Sadly I have had to accept that others dont have the same point of view so I reluctantly keep my feelings quiet.

I know I have changed as a person. I have little desire to see friends and socialise. When I’m not with my partner and daughter I’m happy on my own with tv, a book and a glass of wine

I tried bereavement counselling but it wasnt for me do I wont suggest it for you. I only needed it to bring my mum back and it didnt.

I’m sure we arent alone in our feelings.


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I fully agree with you, I’ve never been a big one for socialising so that doesn’t come into it, I’ve always been happier with my own company and I’ve done a bit of reading up on cognitive behavioural therapy and I really don’t like the sound of it at all.
Many years ago I used to cope with things by writing poetry and I’ve started a little of that again to express my feelings if only to myself. I just need to be able to get the time to contact someone like Cruse as its very difficult when you need to keep things private away from loved ones and colleagues. Thank you for your replies.

Hi, I lost my mum a few months ago and am still finding things so hard. I don’t talk to my dad about my feelings as it upsets us both. I didn’t want counselling as the only thing that I felt would help would be if I could have her back. After 5 months I did see a nurse and talking about how I feel did help me a little. My husband has been great support but I feel like I’m stretching his patience as I’m always so upset and sad. When my mum first died I started writing to her. this helped at first but if I’m too upset I can’t do this. Think all we can do is take each day as it comes and be here for others when they need to chat. Definitely not alone Cheryl, it is so hard. I have chatted on cruse by text and it helps getting feelings out instead of keeping them in. Definitely a day at a time. So glad to have a site like this as it makes me feel less alone x

I hope it helps

Glad to have been of help Andrea…time is not a healer is it

Not really, it has been like living in a nightmare I can’t get out of. it is engulfing x