My Dad

I lost my dad 2 month after my younger girl was born.
The hospital sent him home for end of life, at the time we never knew what that meant.
The night when it all started the doctor came around to my parent house and gave him a prescription and asked me to collect it. Which I did, the nurse injected with the medication and shortly after that he went into a coma.
Little did we know that was the last day he spoke to us.
That night was our longest night ever he wasn’t waking up…
Then it beginning he was fighting it so much to let go. My Dad was a fighter and didn’t want to let go. He was worried about all of us specially the love if his love my mom. Once we said to him will look after mom he gave up.
Before he gave up he was choking on blood and we couldn’t help him. There were no nurse or anyone to let us know wat was happening. We were all scared and was hoping he was coming out the coma but it wasn’t he passed away on the 16 August 2014 at 8.05.

I have been struggling so bad. Been blaming myself about the prescription that I collected. It was my fault I kept saying.

I was trying to help my mom who was married to him for 46 years.
I have a older sister and younger brother. I felt like I took all the pressure to look after my mom. Some days she won’t get put of bed.
Some days I can’t cope. I can’t concentrate at work or when people talk to me. I feel like i am in a fish ball. I can’t register what they are saying to me. I am tired all the time. My sleep patterns are all over the place.
Just don’t know who to talk to. I have friends that offer help but don’t like bugging them with this as I know it been 3 years. But it not getting any easier. My partner struggling with PTSD and I trying to support him and help get through his problems.
I don’t think no one knows how I am really struggling. Pls help me by giving me some advise
Thank you for reading my post
Take care

Hi Shanny,

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, and how you have been struggling. Everyone is different, and there’s no timeline on grief, but it sounds as though you could really benefit from some support and someone to talk to. It sounds as though you’ve had to put a lot of energy into supporting others, but it’s important to look after yourself, too, and to have some outlets for your feelings.

I hope that writing things down here has helped you to get things off your chest a little. You aren’t alone on this site, as there are lots people here who understand what it’s like to lose a loved one. While you wait for more replies to your post, you may find it helpful to read and reply to some other people’s posts in the Losing a parent section of the site.

Have you considered looking into counselling or bereavement support? Talking things through with a neutral person can be a really helpful way to start to process what has happened and feel more able to cope. Your GP can refer you to support services in your area, or you could contact Cruse Bereavement on 0808 808 1677 or helpline@cruse.org.uk.

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