Dear Peter
I am so sorry that you feel that life has nothing for you. I feel that way too after losing my beloved husband in June. I too felt that there was nothing to live for, but I really feel bad for thinking that way.
If your wife could hear you, what do you think she would think? I think (going by how my husband would have felt) that she would be very upset. She would surely hate you to die, and I am pretty sure she would have wanted you to try to make some sort of a life for yourself and Flora. Poor Flora - in her doggy way, she will be missing her âmumâ and she will be confused and anxious. You need to comfort her and take comfort from her.
Yes, it is a very different life, but you and I are lucky to have known that love and we have lived to a good age. Some donât. I am trying to live for the memory of the love my husband and I had, and still have, and I will always try to live my life as he would like me to. It is hell on earth but I would never do anything that he wouldnât want me to. Can you try to do the same for your much loved wife?
Please write again, either on the forum or you can pte message me if it helps. You are in my thoughts. Be strong, apart from anything else, Flora needs you!
Thinking of you,
Ann
Dear Peter
I am so sorry that you are feeling so low. Please donât despairâŚsometimes we have to get to rock bottom before we are able to start climbing out of the pit we seem to have fallen into. Most of us on here have worried that we have actually lost the plot and thought that we were crazyâŚitâs one of griefâs nastier tricks and the more we fret about it the worse it seems to getâŚthe fact that the whole world seems to have tilted doesnât help either! Everything that Ann has written is so trueâŚthink about how you would feel if you were the one who had left this life first and were somehow able to see your beloved wife as distressed as you are nowâŚyou would be horrified and your love for her would will her to a better place; she wants that for you. She has left Flora in your care and she would want the two of you to comfort each other as you start walking this new path together. It is hardâŚit is often excruciatingâŚbut we do it to honour the love we have been blessed to know. If you feel really low, pick up the phone and ring Samaritans or Silver Line. Baby steps and deep breathsâŚone minute at a time. Believe in yourself and know that everyone here is rooting for you and holding you in their thoughts and prayersâŚX
So well put, as ever! X
Bless you both for your kind and thoughtful posts. This really has to be the bottom for me as an inch further and my head must burst from the pressure I feel in there. I have had an upset tummy for a few days which seems to feed on my unhappiness and is no help at all. I think I have made it up with Flora
as she has helped me demolish some ginger biscuits. Another 4 hours before I can reasonably go to bed, then will see what tomorrow brings. Will report tomorrow.
Love to both, Peter
Hello Anne you really lift me up with your messages considering you are suffering as well. So I am just saying Thank you and now this horrible news about Christmas I feel so upset. If we had our lovely husbands with us I think I could just about manage. Love and hugs to you. Xxx Carol xxx
Thank you so much Carol. That is a lovely thing to say. I am trying to lift me and everyone else up because we could easily pull one another even further down if we arenât careful.
I hope you have as good a Christmas as you can. Ann xx
Meant to say love and hugs to you too, but my iPad clearly had other ideas and binned us! Love and hugs!!
Ann
I have just realised that people might take offence at my ânot pulling people downâ comment. I didnât mean that people shouldnât pour their hearts out, of course they should. Itâs just that a slightly more optimistic post doesnât come amiss once in a while.
Please donât take offence, friends. I mean well but it sometimes comes out wrong. Xx
Hi
We are pretty much a similar age and I look forward to sleep ,my som and daughter although grieving donât get me at all and all you describe is my feelings to a tee
Steve
Know what you mean ,I even went out late last night to post a birthday card that neednât go for another week ,stopped at a supermarket just for something to take my mind off of things ,think boredom and loneliness is a big part ,also received a Xmas card from one of Eileens older friends who must have got missed so wrote her a card explaining ,finally collected Eileens ashes today as didnât want her to be alone at Xmas ,also I wonât be alone now ,Faye has asked how does she refer to the ashes ,does she say mum or does she refer to them as Mums ashes ,not a question I would have thought of but she has,hope the days start getting easier
Steve
It is now 6 months since Gill had to leave me, it seems so much longer. I still cry for her every day, I expect that I always shall.
I am becoming more used to my loneliness and, with the help of coronavirus, it is a complete loneliness - except for Flora Beagle of course! I am also becoming more accepting of the fact that happiness is a thing of the past, never to return. I am planning our headstone and finding it a surprisingly complex business. I am so very grateful to her for the 51 years we spent with each other, I was so very lucky to have met her. If it were certain that I will meet up with her again when my time comes then I believe most of my pain would melt away.
Thinking of you all, Peter
Hello Peter,
I feel your loss after losing my wife of 35 years to a car accident last September. Like you, I felt life was over for me and cried pretty much every day since. The only reason I survived was my kids who kept me going.
I am sure your Gill is looking after you as best she can from where she is, as is my Angela looking after me. Have you had any signs such as a feather or butterfly in the house? These might sound daft but they are signs and are very meaningful.
I have just started to feel a little better after 4 months of sheer sorrow and shock but as others have said to me, there is happiness again but it does take time. I am hoping they are right.
It will be spring soon with longer days and the opportunity to get out on the garden under the warm sunshine. Hopefully, that will help as sitting inside is not great.
I believe we will meet our soulmates again and they will be there for us but I know they would wish for us to continue our lives as best we can until that time.
Look after yourself and know that others are thinking of you and willing your pain away.
Take care.
I just wanted to say how sorry I am about your dog. Talk about hitting you when you are down!
You say that happened on New Yearâs Eve? Well I sincerely hope that 2021 will be a much better year for you. Sounds like it couldnât be much worse! I wish you all the best.
AnnR
Hello Peter,
Youâre 90 years young lovey and grief has no age limit does it. Bet you feel like many of us on here, like half of you has gone with her. Life alone is so difficult to come to terms with. I keep thinking heâll walk through the door any day now and itâs all been a bad nightmare. Then reality hits me like a massive tsunami and all I do is cry myself to sleep. This community is so lovely and Iâve received some great tips and advice from others already and I only joined yesterday. Keep posting on here sweetie how you feel and weâre all here to help and support each other. God bless you xx
Peter its Samantha, youve been in my thoughts and I wanted to see how you and Flora are.
Is Flora still going walks with your lovely neighbour and has your leg healed now and you are managing to take your beautiful girl for a walk?.
Its been 21 weeks like you Peter and it doesnât get easier. I hear you I see you.
Covid hasnât helped contact with others and I too am like you and finding it so much harder.
Flora will keep you right and comfort you as zara my weimaraner does for me.
Best friends forever as she was Colinâs dog as you know Peter.
I try to see it as accepting my own company and being comfortable with it instead of feeling lonely.
Donât get me wrong there are still times it is loneliness and always will be, Iâm not fooling myself.
Just know Peter, that there are lots of people here to chat with you and myself especially as we started our journey at the same time.
Lots of hugs
Samantha
Flora and I were so sad to read of your hateful year. She insisted that I send you a sloppy lick or two to which I would like to add a hug if I may?
Flora and I are struggling to help each other through our own loss, our home would have been even emptier without her.
Gill and I had doggy friends throughout our marriage and, in that time, said tearful goodbyes to five beagles, a border terrier and a jack russell. Their ashes are buried with Gill now.
In time you will consider having another canine friend, I think it would be a wise move as they have so much comfort to offer us. Perhaps an older dog who has lost his/her human? Peter.