my daughter

Losing a child
1

My daughter died last week aged 44 she was found in her home adter a 3 day heatwave. The coroner says she in undentifiable. I cannot say much more. They can’t do an autopsy until they can prove her identity. If I give DNA, it will take 6 months. She was an alcoholic. I tried everything to help her, but she would not listen to me, her doctors or anyone who tried to help her. I want to die I can’t cope with this pain, and I will never see my beautiful daughter again. I tried, I really did. Did I miss something? Could I have done more to save I don’t know

1 Like
2

Hi @Beverley4,

I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter. It sounds as though things are very tough and you are feeling like you can’t cope with this pain.

It sounds like you’re looking for support and I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you’re feeling with us. It is very normal for people who are grieving to feel a bit lost and not know where to start.

We know that a lot of people experience suicidal thoughts when they are grieving, and it is often about wanting the person who has died back or life to go back to how we know it. We have a video about it here which you might find helpful:

There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling.

  • If these thoughts of suicide become overwhelming, please call 999 or contact your GP for an emergency appointment immediately.

  • You can call 111 and choose the mental health option to speak to a trained mental health professional (England, Scotland and Wales only)

  • Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.

  • Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text SHOUT to 85258 and talk to them about anything.

  • You can find your local NHS urgent mental health helpline here.

You can also make an appointment with your GP and ask to be referred to counselling or other support services in your area.

You deserve care and support so please, Beverley4, get in touch with one of these services.

Take care,
Alex

1 Like
3

I think everyone is tempted to go down the “if only” route. I’m sure you did your best. For me, I know that if I could turn back the clock I still would not have changed things and believe we each simply have an allotted time - too young and too soon for our children who die before us.

The uncertain circumstances you face must be awful - sending you hugs.

4

Hello. I’m heartbroken to read about your beautiful daughter , I’m so sorry for your loss.

We lost our beautiful daughter Nikki at 38yrs just over a month ago , and although all the official things are now finished , her dad and I are still processing our grief and the day to day loss of her. She was bedbound and severely disabled , so we miss the hands on care we gave to her.

I’m finding nights the worst. I’m unable to sleep , walk around exhausted all day. I have no idea about your circumstances but you say she was an alcoholic. Please don’t suffer with what ifs , you really really couldn’t have changed her outcome.

The wanting to have done more is part of the deep love you had for her. But she would not have wanted you to die. You must live every day one by one and remember her and celebrate her life. Small steps are helping me. I don’t expect miracles , if I can get through to bedtime , I consider myself blessed.

Lots of people here who are so supportive. Sending you a big hug .

Julie Daws

1 Like
5

Thank you Julie xx my blessings to you x

6

How ghastly hideous for you, I’m sorry and sad. It’s way the deepest nightmare a human being can go through. I feel for you beyond words. My daughter died 18 months ago from a horrible seizure, she was 37 - the love light joy kindness companion of my life. Our bedroom doors are 5’ apart, hers stays closed. I can do another day (have to anyway, for the others). Wanting to do another day … that’s a whole different thing :wink:. Pippa

7

I’m so sorry Pippa I thinked you have summed it up. I keep repeating, I can do this, I can do this, my love to you

8

They have just managed to ID my daughter from her tattoos, so moving on a little, it will take 3 weeks for the post-mortem, but the funeral director is coming tomorrow to start that. There’s so much to do, and all I get from my ex-husband, her father, is criticism, no support nothing I am on my own xx