I lost my only child to cancer in May this year.l am devistated.heartbroken.l just dont know what to do with myself or how to cope.with all the different things going on in my head. l feel likeno one really understands my pain.unless they too have lost a child.people think that because she was 52 she was not a child.but she was she was mine
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Hiya, I’m so sorry for ur loss and I understand what you feel. Of course she was ur child, they will alway’s be our babies no matter what age they are and even more so if she was ur only one. It’s the worse feeling in the world. I lost my Tammy 25/01/20 and I’m so broken I like you just do not know which way to turn. I hope you manage to get some kind of help and if you ever need a chat. I’m here xx
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Hi Dianne2, Oh so true, what ever age they are they are always your babies. In some ways It’s difficult to see the adult , you just see the child you cherished and worried over every day. You Never worry any less as they grow older because the love Does not get less.
Delton01 I too feel your pain I lost my son in May. X
Hi every one.
Im sorry the reason l say this as l have never been on a site like this before and get a bit confused how it works as l think l am talking to two different people.
Both of whom have lost their child like me.
Hi delton01
Yes I am a bit confused with technology to. I think the posts can be read by anyone unless you want to private message someone, which I don’t know how to do anyway. I read lots of posts on here which I find helpful, and sometimes make comments if I feel I can relate to them or if I need a bit of help myself.
Hope you can also find comfort and advice on this site . We are all trying to make sense of , and deal with this awful new situation we find ourselves in. It’s good to know others feel the same confusing feelings that we might be feeling . You are right no one can really understand unless they have gone through it themselves even though some are really kind and try. Everyone on here seems to say take it slow, one day at a time, there is no time limit to grief everyone does it in their own way. Sometimes it gets worse , sometimes it gets a bit better . So sorry you lost your daughter. You will find as you get more used to the site many posts from other mothers on how they are dealing with The loss of the special relationship they had with their daughters , 
Hi jess.
I have just worked it out.lm 70 so abit slow.seems like we both lost our child in May daughter was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which was terminal she passesed
Within 4 months it was so quick
My self and grandchildren still reeling.l keep forgetting that shes gone.l dont beleive it sometimes.l think it a nightmare and lm going to wake up soon.she would have been 52 on 11th of this month.it was the longest day ever.it has taught me that l will need to plan ahead for next year.please tell me about your son if you feel able to
It was a Sudden death, heard a bang from his bedroom went to look and he had stopped breathing , I had to do CPR and everything, seemed ambulance took ages to arrive they did not know he was not breathing , don’t know what happened there. So distressed with all this chaos during Covid as we knew something wasn’t right with him but could not get the help, delays, only telephone appointments etc. They put him on life support for three days and we could not see him due to Covid. Told us there was no hope and we could say goodbye and turned machine off.
It’s his birthday Christmas time and it was always such a happy time, I Just can’t cope with even thinking about Christmas this year’s
I don’t know the world I am in now and just want to join him.
Can’t see the point in anything anymore, but what can we do? Just plod on.x
Awww Jss, I know exactly how u feel. I’m feeling just the way u are. Alway’s saying what’s the point in being here, what was the most precious thing I had isn’t here no more. Life without my daughter I’m so sorry for ur loss and hope we can all make it a little better somehow xx
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Oh jess. First of all thankyou so much for sharing this with us.it has to be so painful to write it down.thats so awful my heart goes out to you and every one who knew and loved him.
I get you wanting join him.lm 70and my daughter was 51.l asked why not could it of not been me.l would glady swapped places.when we dont get to say good bye its so sad. I cannot begin to immagine what all of that must have been like for you l was not in uk.so by the time l came did my isolation she passed.we thought we had some time. Maybe a year with treatment .lots of miss information and delayed appointments but l was able to see her shorlty after.kiss her and tell her l loved her l beleive she could hear me.l keep finding my self back in that hospital room.wishing to be there and close to her
I was frightened to go out as l felt l needed to just walk and keep walking for as long as l could and not come back to the life l have but somehow walk myself to where ever she was.l felt like l was going mad.l still feel like that.at times.l have almost no appettite most of the time either yes your right we do plod along.l seem to be learni g alot about myself during all of this and been able to seperate the psychological pain.from the physical. One l found l cld not cry the way l needed to as the physical pain.was too much.l guess l have learned if l let the tears out when they come then l dont have a big build up that causes so much physical pain
Hi delton01 oh yes that feeling that we might be going mad, I felt that my self, but reading other people’s post I have found that it is actually quite normal in grief of such a loved one. So that is reassuring. It is all such a very strange new world we have to navigate, not one we could ever imagine happening in our wildest nightmare. It’s so helpful on this site to find others experiencing the same feelings. I could never explain to my friends what it is like , they Would never really get it , you just can’t put it into words to understand, you have to experience it to understand.
I remember years ago two people I worked with that I have now lost touch with lost their sons and I really felt for them , but my goodness I had NO idea how bad the pain they were going through could be.
I could also not eat because of the knot in my stomach and lost 2 stone but I am eating better now and people might think from the outside I am doing better but on the inside I still feel like I am dyeing and cry everyday. This Covid situation is making everything in life so much more difficult . Take care.
Yes l lost weight too.just like you over 2 stone.l still dont really have much of an appetite .but lm trying to eat better.as my stomache really plays up when l dont eat.l was living off m& ms lu cozade.and wine at night trying to knock myself out.it strange people stay away cause thry dont know what to say.but thats ok.cause there is nothing they can say to make it better or go away no one can.but its great to have the ones that do drop a tex asking “how are you” and can accept that your not.and continue to send you love.l dont seem to be able to concentrate on anything for long.lve been trying to do some daily mindfulness.found an appt where l can write on daily.bought water paints while l was in uk.but dont seem to be able to do any of it consistantly.l watch alot of films.l guess l get lost in them.l have a few pets l think they do help me.as they depend on me.l feel like they need me.l guess its bedtime in uk now.soifyou get this tonight lhope you sleep well tonight
Yes it’s night time but I don’t sleep much. Glad you have pets they can be so comforting. I am not usually one for reading but I find I can’t watch much on tv or films anymore so am reading lots of self help books instead . I used to do mindfulness but now every time I try I just get overwhelmed with memories so have given up on that for a while. Yes I am drinking wine to now, I found that helps relieve the knot in my stomach so I can eat , it’s probably not the answer but what ever gets you through is ok I think. It’s still early days for us really.
Hi Jess
Yes l get you with the sleeping.so l started to take some herbal remedies .but have stopped.now.and tried to cut down on the wine too
Mindfullness only helps me sometimes but lm like the colouring in books they have.l started doing them because l was bored after leaving the uk.and was not very good at it.but lmalot better no wand hours pass quickly.lve just come from dentist to take a tooth out.its strange because before my daughter passed. I would have been concerned about my smile.and now l just dont seem to care about such things.
I have done some reading.but am finding it reall helpful to read what other people and yourself are saying about their feeling
I have 5 dogs 2cats 10 doves and a parrot. Do you have any pets
No delton01 I have no pets. All the pets you have will certainly keep you busy. Yes all the posts on here from others that have lost loved ones whether sons, daughters, partners are all very helpful and insightful . Keep reading. Take care.
Hi
So sorry to hear this, I know exactly what you’re going through. I lost my daughter last May 2020, she had secondary breast cancer. From diagnosis to death it was 4 months. She was 44, has a husband and two teenage sons. It was all so sudden, she’d done so well after her first treatment in 2017. Traumatic then, mastectomy and chemo plus radio, but we really thought she was ok. She ran a 10k two weeks before her last diagnosis. So fit.
It’s so, so hard, there is no comfort. Just a gradual acceptance and a need to go on for her boys. We had Xmas together last year, missed her so much as she was so into all the festive stuff. I would have just ignored Xmas but the boys and their dad wanted to be with us and to do the things she liked doing, so had to carry on. I was dreading it but it surprised me that we did enjoy ourselves and talked about her all the time.
Every day is a struggle. I keep a daily journal so I can write down my feelings rather than talk to anyone - people are kind but they don’t want to hear it every day. I find it helps. I’ve also read a lot about grief - I’ve found Julia Samuels has really good tips and advice. She’s written books and does online sessions. Good Grief is an online community with lots of different videos and discussions.
I hope you find some comfort in your memories and find ways to cope. A piece of us is gone forever but I feel I have a responsibility to live my life for her. That keeps me going. Stay strong x
Hi Elaine
I thought l had written to you this morning but it seems l presses the wrong send button so lm just practising now to see what happens
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Don’t worry about making errors or replying to the wrong person. I did that too when at first. It’s still guesswork at times. So sorry about your daughter. I know how bad it it my lovely daughter died too in March this year from a spontaneous brain hemorrhage it was sudden and unexpected. She was 48 and has left two teen daughters. Their grief is my grief - I live now only for them, to help them survive as best I can. It gives me purpose and makes me move forward. Peace x
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Ok think lve got it now.it is so nice to hear from you.but sad to know that some one elĂźe is going through the same pain and turmoil.
I had just retired to Jamaica.mt daughter and l were estranged.l was getting news through my grandaughter with whom l am very close.l asli have a grandson. Who is like a son to me.but regaurdless .l loved my daughter unconditionally
Shewas diagnosed while alll od this covid and travel restrictions were going on.lots of confusing and miss information from consultants
And then told that she had a year with treatment.l booked a flight so l cld be there to support her and my grandchildren.but while doing the 10day isolation on th 8th day we were suddenly told that it was a day if that.l boke my isolation but got there too late.she was still warm.l was able to hold her and tell her how much l loved her.l wanted to never leave that room.l keep going back there in my mind.l should have broken my isolation.but at the same time did not want to put any one at risk.
Now l know what a broken heart is mine is crushed
Your right people dont want to hear how you are especally when you tell them that your not they dont understand.so is goos tohave this space to listen to others it asures me lm not going mad
Your daughter was very brave 10k
When she must have been unwell
You have given me some hope about living.and trying to enjoy life for her.and for her children my grandchildren.and you have yours too.it does help.l stayed with them for 3months.l lost over 2 stone could not eat or sleep.its a bit differrent now.l keep thinki g it should have been me lm 70.l would have gladly swapped.
It was her birthday 2 weeks ago.and the longest day of my life so far.it has tought me that l will have to plan for it nest year
Thankyou again for responding
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Hi, well done for working it all out! Not easy to respond. So much of what you say is familiar to me, and so heartbreaking. It was covid lockdown for us too when my daughter was very ill, didn’t dare go see her as didn’t want to risk infection. Her husband is a nurse so was amazing at looking after her till the end. We saw her an hour after she passed to say goodbye, broke lockdown but past caring by then. We plan something nice for her birthday, this year we had a long walk where she used to like walking. Her husband and oldest son did a fund raising walk that day, raised a load of money for the unit that treated her. I hope you can find strength and feel her with you. I would have swapped with her in a second, I’m 67. But I know she wouldn’t have wanted me to give up. Especially for her boys. Wishing you the strength to carry on xx
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