My ex. Was murdered

My ex and father of my children was murdered.
He was a drug addict and a terrible Dad. We split as friends but he then went on to a life of crime, in and out of prison, we drifted, I moved on, met someone I truly love.
Police called one night to say he had died, his death was awful, I spend my nights hoping he was so high on drugs that he didn’t feel the pain. His death was a frenzied attack.
My partner doesn’t understand my grief, I don’t understand it either.
I’m so unbelievably sad for him, I always hoped he would clean up and come back for his children, and turn up for a wedding and we’d have to decide what table he’d be on. But this hope has been snatched away, forever.
If he’d died from a drug overdose I could accept it, but he didn’t, I’m sad that he was probably by himself, and unable to protect himself.
I haven’t been told all the details as it’s going to court, so all the questions I have will be answered in time, but then my adult child will hear the truth too and i’m dreading them hearing it too.
Bizarrely I’m next of kin, I organised the funeral so my kids could say goodbye, it felt right and im glad they had that opportunity.
But this is all so much to deal with, life is tough


I’m so sorry for your loss. This must be very hard to understand and deal with.
Sending you hugs. Hopefully getting the answers will help. Stay strong

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@Louise10 Just because you and your ex split up it doesn’t mean you stopped caring about the father of your children and to know that he was murdered would affect you. I have been divorced years now but even though we don’t speak I wouldn’t want anything awful to happen to my ex.

You have thought of your children’s needs and organised the funeral of their father. That is a really wonderful caring thing to do, it will help them process his loss and I really do applaud you.