My Father in law

Hi totally devastated but not sure how to deal with it without upsetting other family members. My Father in law of 27yrs passed away after 3 1/2 years of cancer at the age of 67. He was more of a father than my own father, I’m protecting my children and husband at this sad time the best I know how. I have been involved in all aspects of his life for such a long time and he treated me as his daughter . The problem I’m struggling with is, I’ve not be asked to be involved in any of the arrangements for his funeral, feel devastated my husband has not asked me, feel like I’m not allowed to grieve or be involved, I don’t want any input but want to be there for my husband, mother in law and sister in law. Just don’t understand as to why and we are all so close. Feel I need to ask my husband as to why but don’t want to upset him . Should it just be the immediate family dealing with it on there own.?? And I’m just feeling selfish?. X

Hi @luc, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father-in-law. It sounds as though you were close to him, and let me assure you that it is completely natural for you to be grieving for him.

There are no hard and fast rules for who should be involved in a funeral. It certainly doesn’t have to be just the immediate family. It may be just that they haven’t thought to ask you, rather than deliberately leaving you out. Could you talk to your husband about it, but frame it as an offer to help? So, rather than asking why you haven’t been involved, say that it would mean a lot to you to help out, and is there any job you can take off someone’s hands?

We have some more information on our website about organising a funeral.