I really don’t know what to do - three months ago I got a call at work from Banbury Hospital saying they had my father. I don’t drive and I live in Dorset but I got up there. Dad had Alzheimer’s which had nosedived so I was told to find him full time care, which I did - he then had two falls and just progressively became worse everyday - all the nasty symptoms associated with dementia he developed - I visited him everyday spending between 5-8 hours a day with him at the care home and he passed on Thursday 14th December - I am an only child and I have no partner, no children - I have lovely friends and people have been amazing to me but I feel so very alone - it was all so sudden - I don’t know what to do with myself and feel as if I am both wading and thinking through mud.
Hello @gabbi1,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how that feels, mind all over the place but not a clear thought. I lost my dad last year too. So so hard. Here if you need to chat
Thank you, yes - you have described it perfectly and then the grief just wells up out of nowhere - still in denial and think he is going to call and we’ll go out for lunch… x
It’s raw still as it was only last month. Take each step at a time. My dad passed away in June, I’m still coming to terms with everything. Time has helped, I’m in a better place than I was at the time. But grief is nasty and hits you when you don’t always expect it x
Hi, I lost my mum a couple of weeks ago due to cancer. It was horrible to see someone you love detoriate, I cared for her with my brother and eventually got her into a hospice. The whole journey has been a rollercoaster. Her funeral was a couple of days ago and since then I have felt worse, it really is the end! I feel so lost…we can get through this!
Hallo, yes, it’s horrible to see someone you love deteriorate and feel so helpless - my father’s funeral was two weeks ago - and yes, you feel lost - I think denial is part of it - you keep thinking they are going to call you etc. Feeling worse, hollow inside, I think is part of the grief - be so nice to yourself - don’t force anything and if you want to cry, then do just that - I see it as a measure of how much you loved them - we can get through this - but take charge everyone is different and has different ways of coping - they are all valid - I think sometimes our society gears us up for feeling upbeat all of the time - you don’t have to pretend this - if you feel sad, let it be…
sending you lots of love xxx
The funeral seems so final. I know when we had my dad’s funeral, I felt lost after. I’d focused so much on planning everything, I guess I didn’t know what to do or feel.
It’s ok to be sad…to cry… To grieve. Take each step at a time. Feel for you x
Yes, I wake up and have a cry and then feel a bit better for it! The day goes like that, it’s very tiring but since the funeral I really do feel so lost and empty! x
I still talk to my dad, ask advice and guidance. Tell him about all the family etc. Sometimes it helps. Sending you a hug x
Yes I do that too! I used to call my mum at least 3 times a day and I really am missing our chats so I find myself talking to her a lot, it seems to help! Thanks for the hug, sending one back! X
I sometimes wear one of my Dad’s jumpers - I dunno - it just feels like some form of a contact, a link I suppose - yes sometimes it helps - I need to plan another service as well - my father was German so I need to take his ashes back for the elderly relatives that couldn’t fly out for the UK funeral - it’s all just so strange - massive hugs to you both xxx
Brings comfort doesn’t it x
I hear you. I’ve been wearing one of my dad’s cardigans since he left me. 
That’s so heartening for me - I thought I was being a bit weird - the thing is the one I wear was knitted for my Dad by his mother-in-law, my nana, about 50 years ago - I know son and mother in laws traditionally sometimes don’t always get on but they did and I loved my Nana so its a double connection - you’re right there’s something so comforting there xxxx I hope everyone is OK in this wind xx
It’s pretty bad here. Stay safe everyone