Please folks the madness you all feel as do I sometimes gets away from me and scares me so much. I imagine I’m going to end up in a psychiatric ward because some days it threatens to consume me. How do you guys deal with this? It got so bad yesterday that I thought I really couldn’t go on and again this morning. What do you do to help this out of control feeling K xx
Hi Katie
I know how tough it is and I can see it in your words. I’m further along the path than you but I can still see you when I look back, and I could give you lots of examples as to how I’ve grown into my new and diminished life. However, there is every chance it wouldn’t work for you. I really think that in your case, and still just starting the journey, that it’s difficult to fight grief. It’s like it is in control and you aren’t. Gradually things will become different. There’s no exact timescale and no grief map. No one size fits all. Eventually you will realise that you have some choices and the pain will soften a little, and then some more. Maybe you can think one day about how to build a different life, built around your grief and with a strategy for coping.
I really hope other people can give you better pointers, better things to aim for. It’s a very bumpy path, full of ups and downs. It’s a bit like the one on a game of snakes and ladders. I don’t think the path ends anywhere but I hear it levels out a bit.
I worried about depression as my Dad suffered with it and then developed Alzheimers. I was determined it wasn’t going to get me, and I’m obviously still worried, but less so. I wish I could help you more and hope somebody else can.
Hi Katie, we have all had exactly the same emotions that you are suffering, probably still do and we learn to cope with them in our own way I can honestly say that every morning I wake up with something worrying me, however the next day that concern is forgotten and a new worry is there. I have learned to ignore them. A few weeks ago I hit rock bottom and didn’t care about anything even being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. I thought it would be a nice rest from the everyday complications of life. Fortunately I am a determined person and soon came out of this phase. If I feel rotten I find going out for a long walk (even a short one will do), looking at the countryside and nature around me, being thankful that I am able to enjoy it. I can see, hear, I have legs to walk. Everyday I look for something to be thankful about. Of course I have moments of sadness and I cry but I accept this as the grief I am suffering from, like an illness and one day I will recover. My Nan had a saying that I have never forgotten “It has to get worse before it get’s better” and she was right. Try to occupy your mind and body with something, anything. That is how I cope at bad times. I refuse to sit and mope. I have a good cry, get it out of the way and then look for something to be positive about. All this takes determination and sometimes strength but you will feel better for making the effort. Good luck Pat xx
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I’m the same Katie it won’t go away never will for me ive lost my life the day Edward fell asleep in my arms is the day he took my heart im just existing for now second by second in my thoughts take care of yourself as much as possible Adele x
Dear Katie, it’s awful, this feeling that it’s impossible to carry on every day with such pain. Time is supposed to heal but it seems more like we get used to living with the terrible loss and the only way to do that is to put one foot in front of the other every day and trust that it will eventually become easier. I can only say that after one year and almost two months I find the only thing that keeps the grief away is being busy. Just doing whatever so that I’m not aware in the moment of the anxiety that’s always there, just below the surface and ready to break through. Often it gets me right after I’ve been with other people, though, almost as a reminder that I’m a long way from being able to live in a settled way emotionally, if that makes sense. Often in the car, when at least I can cry and talk to myself. Although the intensity of grief has lessened a bit and I’m gradually getting used to living this life, I still cannot believe that my Steve isn’t in the world any more.
I wish I could offer you more helpful words. xx
Dear AlisonEileen, even answering my fear means so much. I feel I’m in a nightmare and my life is on a loop round and round it goes, can’t be true, he’ll be back but inside I know he wont. Thank you so much. Kxx