my first birthday without you

so today is my 35th birthday, i woke up feeling more broken, alone, and in the worst pain.
waking up a widow, without shaun here always making a fuss and showering me with love :broken_heart: my first birthday without you, since losing you 11 weeks ago.
i have the worst pain today i really feel i can’t carry on with this much longer… how am i going to do the rest of my life without him?

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I really feel for you… birthdays are shit, my husband was still here for mine ( just) and my sons (just) and now it’s my other sons 15th this Sunday then it would have been my husbands on 28th December.

All these milestones just floor you don’t they? I had a counselling session today and Christmas came up. I’ve decided to completely change it this year and do a Nando’s at home rather than a Christmas dinner. It’ll just be me and the boys.

Just get through today and wake up knowing you’ve managed another day and survived it. That’s all we can do… xxx

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oh @Nori i will be thinking of your son on sunday :disappointed:

how did you find your counselling session?
i think your idea is brilliant, you have to do what’s right for you and the boys :heart:

my mum is spending xmas with us and i just think we will probably just drift through the day up and down with emotions xx

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The counsellor I’m using is the same one that I’ve seen throughout. She’s brilliant and follows a integrative approach. We actually shed a tear together today, she couldn’t hold it back.
I did consider asking my 87 year old mum over for Christmas but, selfishly, I just can’t do it. I saw her yesterday and once again, she told me she’d rather be my age and a widow rather than hers. I couldn’t quite hold my anger back.

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It’s my birthday tomorrow 25th I really don’t want to celebrate I am going for a meal with my family and friends I am so dreading it x

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My birthday is looming ahead, my first since my husband died, the prospect is unbearable how do you cope, where is my lovely card and thoughtful gift? I loved that he had spent time thinking of something special for me. I still have last years card on my dressing table, I think it will be there for a long time. Happy birthday to anyone who has one coming up xx

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I lost my wife in September only 7 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. It’s my birthday on the 29th and I just don’t know how I’m going cope. Absolutely dreading it.
All alone with my grief. :smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear::smiling_face_with_tear:

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@Steve59 i know exactly how you feel, and have no idea what to say, they say the first is always going to be really hard, I guess we have a lot of firsts to get through. I will wish you a happy birthday, I know that won’t really help but sending best wishes anyway xx

Thank you for your response and birthday wishes. It’s going to be a tough period. Birthday Christmas and winter. It helps to be on here where we can relate to and engage with people in similar situations.

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@Scarl34 just sending you a hug today, you need it more than ever.

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My first birthday alone came and went. I wanted it to just slide by unnoticed as I didn’t want to commemorate or celebrate. A couple of my friends made me a cake which was nice and made the day manageable.

You will get through it. You got through the last 11 weeks, and have the strength to get through this day as well. It’s crap I now, but the intensity of the pain will pass.

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It’s my first birthday today I feel numb but trying for my family who have been amazing xx

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@Debbie25 hi, I would say “happy birthday “ but I know that is just hollow words, but I am thinking of you and I hope you have some happier memories of previous birthdays to look back on. Be kind to yourself, sending lots of love xx
Ps it’s my first one alone on 8th, I feel your grief x

thank you so much xx

@Scarl34 and another cuddle for the weekend xx

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thank you @Kathy6 really low today i have absolutely nothing in me x

@Scarl34 i think I understand, I’ve just driven home with tears, I think we are getting very weary of trying to be strong and I don’t know about you but I’m very tired and heartbroken :cry:
Let’s hope tomorrow eases a bit, the sun is lovely here today, small bonus. Please take care xx

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@Kathy6 yes i am absolutely exhausted and broken :broken_heart: just can’t function today at all!!
sending you lots of hugs x.

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@Debbie25 nothing to say, just sending a hug. You’ll need it.

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Hardest day ever my husband treated me like his queen. He loved me so much and me him cruel is the only word x

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