My first Christmas alone

My darling husband Jeff passed away suddenly in January. I have been dreading Christmas coming and then when we get into January it will be a year since he left me. I cannot face putting up the tree/decorations, or sending any cards. He always used to put up the lights outside but not this year. It still hurts so much & I wonder when it will ever end. I have 2 wonderful sons & will be spending time with both of them & their families, but I would give anything to have him back.


As well as dealing with grief we have to deal with all the anniversaries and occasions which to the rest of the world is happy times …… as if we are not punished enough.

Family and friends are great but we still have to deal with that lonely time when it’s just us instead of the 2 of us :broken_heart:

Take care
Dee xx


Gillie, welcome and like so many of us Christmas is not the happy, happy time. The first year is not going to be the best and knowing you have to face January will not help. You will read lots of posts from people in the same situation over the next few weeks, so know you are not alone. Hope your dons make you feel special because mums are very special. Take care S xxx

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He didn’t leave you - he will always be with you. To live in the hearts of the ones we love is to have eternal life. My first Christmas after Ron died was the worst. So many mixed emotions and nobody knows how to behave.
You don’t want to be on your own but it feels strange being solo and not sure if you want to be with other people. So I think as a family you just have to acknowledge there is no right way and it’s OK for everyone to deal with it in your own way. If you want to leave - that’s OK.
First xmas my family did a “remember when” after dinner - some memories were funny - and some were heartwarming. But it was ok not to be ok. Don’t let people tell you how to behave.
I’m 7 years on and still grieving - there os no time limit on grief. But sharing helps.

Sending hugs xx

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Thank you for such a beautiful message

I’m approaching my first birthday without him and my first Christmas. To be honest since last week I’ve been reliving the awful time we went through last year when we were told that there was no more could be done for his brain tumour. The sadness was indescribable. To see my active husband of 49 years deteriorate rapidly was the worst thing. So Christmas is just a day to get through. My sadness is about what he went through.

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I totally understand your pain. My husband had secondary brain tumours and I’m reliving the agony of his last few months.
He would have been 66 on Sunday, then of course there is Christmas to navigate. It was always so special when Ian was here, now it is just something to be endured. . I’m like you, I feel daily heartbreak for the pain & suffering he went through. Ian wanted to die at home, but that too is with me each & every day. I get comfort from knowing that at last he was at peace in our bed, but I often have to think about the steps it took for him to get there. He’s at peace now and that’s what gets me through. I loved him more than words can say, and always will

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Janey, my husband Jimmy also wanted to stay at home but in the end it was taken out of our hands as he had a bad seizure and the ambulance paramedics could not give him the injection he needed without taking him in. I had terrible guilt over this but my friend & neighbour who also had cancer that travelled to her brain died at home a few months later. She had a horrible death, one that is etched in her family’s memory now. Their experience made me realise that Jimmy had a peaceful end with me by his side. Like you I take comfort that his suffering is over. He didn’t deserve what he went through. He was always a kind man to everyone. I’m glad to have shared my life with him since I was 15 and I am so thankful for our time together. Our nephew & Godson gets married today (another first big occasion) I will have all my family though. It certainly helps to talk to others going through this journey. Wishing you well.xx

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Sorry about your loss Gillie

I cant face putting the decorations up either as i lost my son in September, he was 38 and it was just before his birthday so to miss christmas as well is devastating. I understand how you feel

I think your loss (the loss of a child) is the very worst bereavement. It goes against everything you expect. I hope you can get through Christmas and the New Year and have good support. :kissing_heart::kissing_heart:

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