the most gorgeous ginger hair and big blue eyes fought so hard to stay in this world with me and his 4 sisters who he was perfect when he was born and only had gas and air he was 6lb born but a few hours after that we were on the ward it was July so it was so hot but I couldn’t get his face and hands warm then I couldn’t even get him to take 5mls off milk so at two days old after sleeping with my head on a incubator with a blue heat light on cause they said he had jundice he had screamed the whole of the night and he wouldn’t drink any milk at all that morning my life changed forever a young midwife came into my room I had high premise with kayden so I had been in for 10 no visitors don’t smoke I had not left the hospital so she said to me hey babe I don’t like the look of him and I said to her I no am really worried so she took one look at me and she kept saying to me so what medication was you on so I kept telling her I had been in most of my pregnancy she said I am taking him to get bloods done but at this point she thought I was a drugie and took him to special care if she had took him to any other nurse on my ward they would off told her that I was not taking anything just cause I didn’t have any make up or eyes lashes or Botox and then a hour after taking my baby she came skipping down the ward right passed my room so I shouted her and she said I will bring your medication when I am done I said I am only on iron we’re is my baby so she came into my room and said I should be grateful that she took him to special care has he was seriously I’ll and just had a fit in front of her so I went to special care were they had already made the minds up before they even met me when I walked in they were 4 of them the health care assistant had hold of my baby they had even given him a bath and I kept asking for him they passed him round and then kept asking me the same questions over and over again and then the health care woman said to me that if I told them what drugs I was taking then It would go better for me when I tried to get him back from social services I kept telling them that they were wrong following them around so I must of told looked aratick but I new they were so wrong he was screaming in so much pain but what they did next was the worst thing they could of said they said we need to give him morphine but you never know with them not knowing what drugs I had been taking they could give him to much and you never know what could happen so I had to get out of their I went home and I hadn’t seen my 2 year old for nearly two weeks I have a 19 18 14 2 years old all girls and they my baby boy my little girl had gone to sleep so I got a shower and then my 14 years old came running up the stairs saying that the police were at my door looking for me so I went down stairs and told them to come in so they said they were looking for Joanne so I said I am her so they said they needed so I’d so I shouted my 19 year old to get my passport so then they asked who was in the house so I told them and they were so confused because special care had told them I had two babies in the house and they said I was off my head they said to me that they were told they were coming to remove to small children they even had social services in the van they were only in my house five minutes and they said no further action so that night I had my two older kids sitting side by side with me when I called that hospital and I spoke to someone called Diane who told me I should never have been treated like that but I begged her on the phone to do every test they needed to do but they were missing something he was 2 days old at this this point I goes back in the next day and they took me in a room and said I need to stop looking for problems that’s not there and then I went into see him they had put a ng tube in to feed him so I asked why and they told me cause he just needs to learn to drink his milk but they kept him for 6 more days with that tube in his nose which turns out that he was actually dying so at 8 days old he was rushed to alder hey we’re I found out he had a cardiac arrest in the ambulance I had no idea that my baby was dying at this point special care did a X-ray when I was there and they at that point they were aware of the fact he was dying but still didn’t tell me all they told me on the way out his are you said he was sick didn’t you so we got to alder hey we’re he was rushed straight to theatre still on my own in a room and I thought the worst it would be is him having a bag on I didn’t even know that we have to bowls so 3 hours later two later two surgeon and a nurse came in to the room and told me that if he makes it through the night it would be a miracle out of 200cm my baby was left with 9cm my whole world was in pieces my poor kids hadn’t even met him anyway for a whole year we had to recycle from his small bowl into his big bowl to try to get it stretched as much as we could but a long the way he was in and out of icu he had to go on total prenatal nutrition which went through a main artery and this was to keep him alive so 10 weeks ago for the first time ever I got to bring him home my girls were living in the Ronald McDonald house just behind the hospital so I was trained to do all he was doing so well but 3 weeks ago I told his tpn nurses and his dietician that I was really worried about how pale he was and he had lost weight and he was dry all the time so they done his bloods and I emailed them like 5 o’clock saying that I was still considered an she said that they were okay but 5 minutes later I had a voicemail of the tpn nurse saying that they were deranged and needed to be done again me and my 3 year old was really sick on the tuesday so they said leave it till Friday but they never got to do them as he ended up passing away 19 months old
I can see that you’re new to the community. I hope you find it to be a support to you, but I am so sorry for the loss of your little boy Kayden that brings you here.
It sounds like the past few years have been so traumatic for you and your family. I wanted you to know that you have been heard and you are not alone. Sadly many of our members have experienced the loss of a child and will understand some of what you are going through.
I wanted to share some of these resources with you where you could find additional help and support for your grief.
Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304
Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I’ve also edited your post very slightly to remove your real name; this is to protect your privacy. I hope that’s okay.
Please keep reaching out and take good care,
Hello Kady - so sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy, it must be devastating for you and your family . It sounds as if you also had a very overwhelming and confusing time at the hospital which must have added to the pain and distress you were feeling throughout your boy,s illness. It is good to know that you have some older daughters who are hopefully able to support you and each other. Has your GP offered any counselling or just someone to talk to? I would I definitely recommend the Compassionate Friends as they offer support for people who have suffered the loss of a child. I found their support invaluable when I lost my two beautiful adult sons at the end of 2021. Please try and get some support and so sorry for the loss of your little boy. Xx
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Please be kind with your words no need or best not to comment
@Jenna couldn’t agree with you more! Xx
I have flagged my comment to be re moved because the last thing I would want is to cause upset. It was a hard read and due to what is being said and content. Heartbreaking xx