My grandad only has hours or days left.

I’m 31 and I’m yet to lose a family member… I haven’t really even been to many funerals and if I have it’s been not a close close person to me… so I’m finding this so hard… my grandad only has a matter of time left…
I keep going into hospital to see him it’s hard as he is getting weaker and weaker and thinner…
I know everyone will die and he is 89 this year in November… and he’s had a really good life…
but I just want my grandad back… I’m his only grand daughter he has grand sons but grandad and me are very close… I’m hurting so much and I could cry all the time… I’ve been crying but being a mum I don’t want to cry in front of my boys if I can help it…
I’m literally feel like my heart is aching.
He is in hospital but with no treatment as nothing is working… no drip nor food or drink… he is there till he slips away… In a boring room of his own looking lonely…
I don’t know what he can hear as he looks like he is just sleeping.
I really want him back… I want this pain to stop but he is going to slip away soon and if this is hurting now how is it going to be when he goes…
I’ve never really posted anything like this before feel a bit of an idiot for how I’m feeling as it’s part of life but a horrible part…

Hello Katy. I don’t know if you’ll drop by the forum again but I’d just like to send you sincere and heartfelt compassion. No one or nothing can prepare you for this dreadful time and nothing will make sense. In some ways it feels like you are living someone else’s life, and your own life is just waiting for you to return to it. It’s an uncanny feeling. It doesn’t matter that your darling Grandad is of a “good age” because we would always want more time with them no matter how old they are. I do understand what you mean though. It’s good that you say he had a “really good life”. You must feel blessed to have such a brilliant relationship. That’s a gift that’s not easy to come by. I can understand how frightened you must feel about the prospect of this being your first major loss, I was the same. I hope your family are supporting you, I’m sure they are. Sometimes though it’s easier to share your thoughts with strangers. Please don’t feel you are an “idiot” for having the feelings you speak of. However, if that were true then there are plenty of us about. Please continue to post or just read the posts of others if you like. Anything that helps you during this difficult time. Accept help where you can and don’t be afraid of crying. Love to you.

Hi Katy
I totally understand you about your grandad my father was in exactly the samr position he was cared for at home by the excellent Sue Ryder nurses. He had gone into a deep sleep only two days ago sadly this morning (20.5.19) I had a phonecall to say he had passed away. I am trying to get myself together as my mum is inconsolable at the moment and already we have had no time to grieve with funeral arrangements and organising an appointment to register his death I just want time to remember my dear father.
It is so sad to see a loved one go downhill so fast I totally relate to your post. If you feel like writing back please do.

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