How does everyone deal with it?
My Grandad was diagnosed with lymphoma and skin cancer at least 5 years ago. He was doing amazing just 2 months ago, even my Grandmas carer.
He choked on a cup of tea around a month ago and got pneumonia, since then the cancer has spread and has completely taken over his body. We have him at home and my sister is his primary care giver, we have decided against having carers in as he has always been there for us, my sister and myself wanted to look after him. We now have all the necessary equipment to make him comfortable and for us to be able too care for him.
He has deteriorated so fast. Everytime I look at him my heart breaks. He’s just skin and bone, he’s not eaten for at least 1 week now. His skin cancer on his face looks horrific and looks like it’s rotting his flesh whilst he’s alive. Palative care is so much harder than I ever imagined. He is still sound of mind, so I can see how sad and fustrated he is. He told the nurse the other day, that he was scared if dying and its tearing me apart. I find myself hoping and praying that hell suddenly just start to get better.
I miss him more than words can describe already. Around 3 nights ago he made me call all immediate family because he said he didn’t want to be here anymore. He sat with us all in the room holding my Grandmas hand, he said it was taking ages. She counted ‘1, 2, 3 go’ my heart broke for them, I just want peace for him now.
There’s not much point in this post, but I love him and wish I could turn the clock back just 2 months. He loves my 3 month old little girl Millie Rose, named Rose after his mum. I just want to hug him, and we can’t even really do that anymore.
