My Grandma

My Grandma passed away 2 days ago and the nightmares are truly terrifying. She was diagnosed with Lung Cancer at the end of September and it had already spread to her brain. Radiotherapy was unsuccessful and her cancer at that moment became terminal. She said she wouldn’t cry and she never did. She just got on with it. She became weaker and more dependant on us but still she never moaned. Just before Christmas she picked up an infection and it was terrible, she would’ve been mortified by everything that was happening. She was a proud lady. She picked up somewhat with the antibiotics and we enjoyed Christmas Day with a lot of food and laughs! Next was her birthday a very tiring day but a great day and a few days later, in the night, she had a fall at home so my brother and I decided that we would split the wk and stay over night to help my Grandma if she needed it. Bless my Grandpa, he did all he could but at 88 years old there is a limit so we spent the nights helping as we could. My Grandma got weaker and weaker and the nights became longer and harder. She wanted to know why we wouldn’t let her die & that she was miserable. It broke our hearts to reassure her and all we could say was that as soon as her bed was ready she’d be taken to be more comfortable. On the 24th January a bed became available at Sue Ryder for my Grandma and there she spent her last 48hrs. The whole family filled her room for the entire day, we took turns to hold her hand and tell her how much we loved her, to thank her for being the best Wife, Mum, Grandma and GG there was, and we joked and laughed about the past. We all said out goodbyes for the evening and said we’d see her tomorrow. We left grandpa with the TV remote so they could enjoy the rest of their evening, just the two of them. At 5.54 I looked at my watch, thankful that my phone had not rang in the night. 6.08 my phone rang. My dad said, she’s gone. I raced to the hospice. On the board, RIP 5.55. My Grandma had come to say goodbye. I miss her so much and i cannot accept I will never see her again. It hurts. The last few wks I saw my grandma ravaged by cancer, so cruel and degrading. I am trying so hard to remember her but I cannot move past the last images I have of her.

Hi Wibbs im sorry for your loss .Iunderstand fully you cant get move past the images of your grandma suffering (i too saw my wife suffer at home in hiospital an itcu) 1 its very raw for you to say the least .This is what i did .1 i got the earliest appointment at my GP and said can you help meMedication didnt knock me out but it calmed me a bit and at night i took sleeping pill from GP .The nightmare will still be there but you need food and sleep to balance everything so your not literally running round the room (i did this at the hospital ) .You can pm me if you wish no problem at all (im57 my wife was 41) Big hug Colin

Hi Wibbs83 - this is a very recent loss for you and it must be very raw for you right now, so I’m glad you’ve found our Community for some support.

It sounds like you were very close to your Grandma and did lots to help her and your Grandpa when she was poorly at home. When you help to care for someone at the end of their life, it can be difficult to remember them as they used to be, perhaps looking through old family photos might help?

There will be a few other people on this site who have lost a grandparent they were close to, and you might find it helpful to chat to others who understand your loss. For example user sammie has recently lost her Nan and you may be able to support each other

I hope that helps
best wishes

Hi Colin,
Thank you for your message and I’m sorry to hear about your wife. It’s a very hard alien situation to be in. My sleep is not improving and I will see my GP about this. Knowing that my Grandma was poorly was one thing but accepting she was dying and has now passed is quite another. It’s hard, but being there for my Grandpa is comforting and replacing the time I spent caring for my Grandma at the moment.

Hi Wibbs

Wanted to say how sorry I am to see you have lost your Grandma. You sound a lovely and loving Grandaughter who did everything you could to help your Grandma through her last days. I lost my Mum six months ago and like your Grandma she was a very proud lady. It broke my heart to see her so ill looking and the debilitating course of her cancer. I saw her go through things I would not wish on my worst enemy in a stoic and brave manner. Similar from what you have said about your Grandma. You were so lucky that she was moved to a hospice and comfort there and had her family around her to say their goodbyes.

What I really want to say is those awful images you mention of your Grandma in her last few weeks will pass up to a point. I had terrible flashbacks at first which knocked me sideways. A tip I gained from this forum site when it gets all too awful and much is to think of an image of your Grandma when she was healthy and happy. A memory of a family party, anything where she is smiling and looking lovely. It may work for you, it has for me. I have a photograph of my Mum taken at a family party a couple of years ago and she looks so beautiful in it, wearing her favourite top and some earrings I gave her.

Do keep coming back to this site if needed.

Hugs and all good wishes