Thank you for your kind words Jackie, they are very much appreciated xx
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I also unexpectedly lost my youngest daughter, she was 39, on 2nd October 22 and Im awaiting the coroners report. We celebrated her short life last week but like you and so many others on this site, we are devastated at the loss, angry about lack of help and insight into mental illness available but mostly consumed by guilt - I should have done more, asked different questions, been a better parent somehow.
I send you my deepest sympathy and thanks to everyone who posts their sorrows and thoughts here because it helps so much to realise you are not totally alone.
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I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter…I have no words of wisdom at this time but, I do know the pain you are feeling as will every mum on this site.
I hope you can find some comfort from being on here with the rest of us.
It is a lovely kind and understanding platform where everyone is here to support each other.
Take care, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers 
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Hello SuzannaB My 54 year old son’s ‘given’ date of death was 29th July 2022. I completely identify with how you are feeling. He could have died anytime during the week before: I last spoke to him on the 21st and he said he did not feel well and was going to have a day in bed. Like you, we are overwhelmed with guilt because we knew he had some ‘issues’ but he refused all help as my husband and I have health problems and he never complained about anything. I sincerely hope you get some definite results from the autopsy. I guess we are asking ourselves the same questions as you may be asking yourself. It was not your fault, It really wasn’t. Deepest sympathy. x
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Hi Jessie3 - my daughter died in January she was 39. I was at her house and she seemed to be sleeping. I was checking her every 10 mins or so when I did my last check she was dead. They tried to bring her back but after 53 mins they had to give up. My whole family collapsed. I battled with social services for help for my grandchildren. I got no help whatever from the services and my grandkids are still waiting for counselling and useful support. I have fared better and got private counselling for myself and Compassionate Friends found me a grief companion. I just heard that the inquest due in December has been postponed. The lack of empathy from so many people, sometimes family members has added to the anguish and pain. Everyone on here knows what it feels like to lose a son or daughter so you are in the right place to get support. The guilt seems to affect everyone and it seems to be a default mode. Feeling guilty doesn’t mean it’s anybodys fault it is a big part of the grief. I ‘cope’ by getting through one day at a time and just keeping on keeping in. Sending you a reminder that it’s a tragedy but nobody’s fault. No parent can watch an adult child 24/7. Be kind to yourself if you can, you deserve it. Sending hugs xxx
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I lost my son only in October, he felt he couldn’t cope with life anymore, I feel so guilty every minute of everyday that I didn’t hear my phone when he sent me the message by the time I read it it was already too late, I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel some days I feel guilty for not thinking of him when I’ve been working. I’m struggling with going to work and having to deal with criticism if I’ve got something wrong.
I’m so angry at the moment, we have to wait until may for the inquest I’m not sure I can go back to work before then 
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Hello Loujay I feel so sorry for you. My son’s passing was in some ways similar to the death of your son. You have the extra stress of having to turn up for work and it sounds as though they are not being very sensitive and caring for you. I feel a bit angry on your behalf - for goodness sake, they should cut you some slack. Have you had a word with your GP? you might benefit from some time off so that you can be relived of the pressure of trying to be ‘normal’ for a while. This is a heart-breaking life changing event and you need as much support and comfort as you can get. We never expect our ‘kids’ will go first.
Much love to you all, coping with the loss of a child is a daily battle, some days we manage better than others. It would be great to be able to turn back time, or turn off grief for a while, sadly, we cant do that - I so wish we could.
Its 18 months since Keir died, i struggle to believe its been that long since I last saw him alive. The guilt and the pain in my chest is still as painful as it was, i still break down in tears daily, at the drop of a hat and christmas is something I couldnt care less about right now.
All we can do is try to get through the days the best that we can and to take care of ourselves, as hard as it is to do so at times. All of our emotions in grief come from a place of love for our child, we are all united in this, which is so much better than feeling isolated and alone. Im so thankful for this group, we are all struggling through similar emotions, pains and everything that comes with child loss. Some days i honestly feel I’m going mad, i come here and can see all of you feeling as lost, confused, hurt and stuck as me! We are not alone x
Thank you all for sharing your stories and memories, you’re all amazing Mums xxx
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Thank your for you kind words, yes I have just been signed off for 4 weeks and with a review of it being longer. Trying to find people to talk who have gone through the same thing is hard, I don’t want to burden people with my problems, I feel like maybe they think I’m not moving on and I should get on with life but I just can’t.
I am so glad that you have got some compassionate leave from work. I think you have been very brave to even to try to turn up, Me and my husband are retired and I know some well meaning people say, you need something to ‘occupy’ yourself but quite honestly, even just getting out of bed and dressed wears you out when your life have been so tragically turned upside down. Yes I know exactly what you mean. My daughter was talking to one of her friends who had sympathised about her bother’s death. - but this time he said " so what has changed then" Seemed like he was saying …O yes, we have talked about that! I feel like you, we keep it more or less to close family and don’t want to be a ‘nuisance’ but it would be great if we could get some feedback from others. Are they frightened of our emotions?, some people can’t talk about death? You can’t move on to suit other people Loujay, it can only come in your own time. It is our sons that we have lost- we will never properly get over it will we.? As one of my friends said, " in time you will learn to accommodate the loss" and I believe she is right… But the loss is painful isn’t it? I contacted Cruse in the first weeks and today I had a call from a counsellor. She is Chinese, so her accent is unfamiliar, We have our fist session next week. Lovely [if you see what I mean] to hear from you. x
Your warm and understanding post was the exact feeling I have, that all us bereft mums have. 18 months since the loss of Keir… Gary left us 3 and a bit months ago. Autopsy - no result and to be honest, I don’t think the inquest will reveal much more. OMG thank goodness for this lovely group where we can share what we feel and instantly know what we all mean. Thank you for your words.xx
Just sending a heartfelt hug to you all. I hope you are all surviving as well as you can be - its testament to our strength, if we are still here and still muddling on through the pain of child loss.
I would bet that our Angel kids are so proud of us all.
I believe with all of my heart that Keir sends me little signs to say hi and that he’s ok, wherever the ‘other side’ is. Believing this gives me a lot of comfort, I dont care if people think I’m going completely barmy when I say the pigeon in the garden is a message from my boy, if it makes me feel my son is with me, and still can be part of my life as I feed this pigeon (i call it KP, Keir Pigeon) then Im happy to carry on and have this comfort.
Bizarrely, his friend has a pigeon visitor too haha, so if I’m going mad, I’m not alone! 
xx
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