My handsome boy

Hi everyone
This is the first time I have posted in here
My 25yr old son died August 2019 15 minutes later his beloved doggy died also, I was very close to him and his wife whom he married January 2019 when he knew he didn’t have a cure
For the first few months after his death she remained close to me calling and texting spending time with me even on Christmas Day she came to me instead of her own family
But lately she has become distant acting in a disrespectful way only answering my messages with a line of text never calling never texting unless I text first
I ask all the time if she’s ok if she needs anything if I can be of any help etc but she never asks how I am in fact hardly anyone does except y older son and my partner and a couple of close relatives it’s as though we/he has/have been forgotten
I am a very private person I don’t burden people with how I feel but all this makes me very sad
Any advice welcomed x

Hi Fionah, I am so sorry that your son died. I am pleased she was close to you, but am saddened to read this isn’t the case now. Do you think it is possible that she wants to move on with her life? That she is young, and very sad that your beloved son died, and that she will always love him, but that being alone and sad is just taking its toll on her, and now she wants to find someone again? Maybe that’s why she is now trying to distance herself from you, so that it makes it easier for her to move on? Sorry, I don’t have any answers or advice, I just want you to know that at this site you can share your grief and we will always be here for you.

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Dear Fionah40
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your son.
I’m sure his widow won’t be meaning to hurt you by withdrawing. Perhaps she needs time alone to deal with her grief or perhaps she’s moving forward whilst always having a place in her heart for your son.
As parents we cannot replace a lost child but when you lose a partner you can find someone to share your life with again- if you so choose. She may feel it’s time to start looking for another partner and worry that that would hurt you?

I can’t think of anything else to say but I’m sorry you’re suffering.

Hugs and warm wishes

I think you maybe correct
I am not sure if I should continue to contact her or let her come to me
Thank you for you comment x

Apologies for the short reply to messages I didn’t realise how this worked and pressed the button to soon
Thank you both for your reply I think you are
Right she is young and perhaps being alone is to difficult for her I know she misses him and is just trying to get by the best way she can but I wish she’d just have kept in touch a bit longer

It’s a very sad situation for you all, do you think maybe you could discuss this topic with her, that you understand that she might want to move on but that you would still like to remain friends with her, after all, she loved your son and maybe she does want to stay in touch with you but is just afraid that you might be unhappy if you find out that she wants to find someone else now and so she is being distant because she doesn’t want to hurt you.

She is very hard to read and as a young person unwilling to open up to me I have in the past said I understand that shel move on at some point but I juts worry that it’s to soon she is meeting up with friends a lot and drinking more than I think she should (then I’m a non drinker so any is maybe to much in my eyes lol) she does work hard though so she is entitled to do as she wishes of course
I have not spoken to or messaged her for 9 days now which is a lot for me as we used to message every day but last time I messaged her I told her my partner was going to hospital and she didn’t even ask how he was or anything which really upset me so I think il just have to wait and see if she contacts me xx

Oh, that must have hurt, I am sorry she didn’t contact you when your partner went into hospital, and I hope he is doing ok. I agree, it’s probably just a good idea to give her some space, maybe send her a message next week if you still haven’t heard from her saying something like “hope you’re ok, here anytime you need me”, maybe she has some bad things going on in her life and that’s why she didn’t contact you? But I totally understand how hurt you must have been.

Thank you for your comment it has helped a lot xx

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