My hero 🧡

Hello, my name is Kelysse and i’m 19. i’m new to this group so don’t really know where to start or what to say so i thought i’d just tell the story of my Dad who iv recently lost. My dad had just turned 40 before his diagnosis, he was very active and ran marathons most weekends. On July 27th he was taken into hospital due to a pain in his stomach, later that night he had surgery to remove a tumour that was pressing on his appendix. After his scan we were told he also had multiple tumours on his liver and lungs. My dad had Metastatic cancer and was told treatment wasn’t an option as the cancer had spread so rapidly. he was taken into hospice on a friday september 1st and sadly passed away on september 6th. i went to see him after he has passed however i’m really struggling and feel so alone dealing with my emotions. i have the support from my mum and nan but still feel so alone and unable to speak about my emotions. It’s only been 9 weeks since he passed but i still hope everyday he’s going to come back and it’s all one big mistake.

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Hi I’m Laura , I’m 44 . That’s heartbreaking .
I’m so sorry .
My dad died suddenly in July , he was 75 .
It’s so horrible and painful and as you say a lonely isolating experience.
I hope you have found some comfort and support where you can, lots of us here understand how you are feeling
My Dad is my Hero too :broken_heart::broken_heart::white_heart::white_heart:xxx

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Hi @Kelysse what a devastating shock for you and your family, it’s heartbreaking and I am truly sorry for your huge loss. No words can offer any comfort at this raw stage but there are many people on this forum who have experienced loss and are working their way through the dark days of grief. Keep sharing how you feel in some way as it will help you to process your emotions. Take your time, huge grief is a long and painful journey. Sending best wishes xx

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I’m sorry for your loss :broken_heart: It truly is heartbreaking, he will forever be my hero!

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Thank you, im hoping this page will help me express my feeling as iv always struggled with opening up about things. it’s a difficult time but i’m trying my best to keep going every day :heart:

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@Kelysse so sorry for your sudden loss. My dad died in March this year and I am not sure how to get over it. Some daughters seem to have this incredible bond with their dads. Me included. Here for a chat if you ever need it. Just know there are a few of us in here feeling exactly the same as yourself :broken_heart::broken_heart:

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I’ve only just joined here, I too have arrived here for the exact same loss and reasons as you, my loss was
Quite a complicated loss and should not have happened the way it did, my struggles seem similar but also a little aggravated by the neglect and abuse by our nhs professionals upon my dad for the last 2 years to be whole honest, and being even more honest even tho people say they’re here for us you try sometimes to tell them and you truly know they’re at a loss how to support or know what to say rather than encourage the fight/battle you’re on, or to try and help lift your low mood and sadness it’s such a difficult time and I don’t think the difficulty is just ours I really believe some people want to be there and do right by us but at times even they shudder at the thought of what we’re going through just now, I am actually describing my self as depressed or a child that’s so heartbreaking and the amount of crying has left me nearly voiceless form the fretting of being without my dad, and no I haven’t really cried all that much either to be fair I just feel like I am silently screaming in my head! I feel constantly tired, lonely as hell, (which I can assure you I really am not!) it’s that lonely feeling of being surrounded by friends colleagues and family yet still feeling utterly alone on this…… so I fully understand you, and I maybe just a little bit on par with you, my father died 24th July this year and we’ve only just managed to collect his death certificate due to a lengthy enquiry by the coroner! I also should add it took me 8 years to recover mentally with the loss of my mum and I worry I shall be the same with losing dad! It’s a really hard time just now because it’s still pretty raw for us… so please feel free to reply I’m sure we may just be able to help each other through some dark and awful days xx

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@Annie247 that lonely feeling with being surrounded with people is the way I feel. My lovely mum died 27 years ago and I never stopped grieving for her. Life went on. Having my dad around and looking out for him for the last 27 years helped me but now he has left me I feel it’s a double whammy and the grieving has truly started. Every single day something triggers me and I cry. People have asked should I go on to medication but is being this sad for losing your amazing parents that wrong? I am sorry you had such a complicated time and obviously so very sorry for your loss. My dad is everywhere but this is the price you pay isn’t it for having a great relationship and doing so much together. All these memories. But at this present time it does not help me but I know it will in time. Take care

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I’m so sorry for the loss of your dad. I’m currently sat here with my 43 year old husband who has metastic cancer with days/weeks to live. My boys are 13 and almost 15 so abit younger than you.
Whilst looking for support for my boys I did come across the site “Winstons wish” which may be helpful for you. I know you are not a child but your are in the age range for support

Cancer is just awful, lots of love to you xxx

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I’m so sorry for your loss :heart: absolutely! me and my dad had an unbreakable bond and now he’s just been taken away, it’s a horrible feeling but this group has definitely helped me so far xx

I’m so sorry for your loss of both your mum and dad💔 i totally understand where your coming from with the nhs, my dad was sent for a scan for his liver just before being diagnosed and turned away after being told “there’s nothing from with him” and they’re not an “emergency service” only a few days later to be told he has cancer on his liver! please feel free to message me if you ever need a chat with someone xx

i’m so sorry your going through this, my mum is also on this group and mentioned she has spoke to you. i have a younger brother 16 and sister 9. cancer is a horrible disease. the only thing helping me at the moment is the little things, if it’s sunny we know it’s dad bringing the sun out, or the brightest star in the sky is his gold tooth shining lol. dads are amazing! i’m so sorry you and your children are going through this xx

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@Kelysse yes this group made me feel normal. It really helps me - take care. Here any time

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Thank you for the reply, it really is a little reassuring that you feel this same loneliness which we’re not really lonely but obviously we have cut ourselves off to some degree, and quite possible it’s our natural reaction to this intense grief we’re under. I was my dads carer for his last 2-3 years the latter year being full care with personal care included many trips in and out of the hospital due to uti and at worst urosepsis on occasion. I worked fulltime on nights regularly and cared for him all day sorting breakfast lunch and dinner and getting him ready for bed and doing all his washing I was exhausted I can’t lie about that, I did get paid help in which was a cost of £1200-£1500 every month of which I paid, and he’d yell saying we were better in our own and only today I think I have to agree and I’d like to say he’d still be here and have had his operation… I’m not blaming myself for any of what’s happened because I genuinely needed some help but the help I’d sources had come to a crossing point where they didn’t think dad should be at home with carers because he had grown quite aggy! But for me he had turned a corner and was really appreciative and grateful for all my efforts even helping him to buy a new bungalow after his flooded with burst pipes, for me he had simmered a little so my problem added to my grief is I was so so busy doing and doing with only 2.5-3.5 hours of sleep daily I’m now lost but still only sleeping a few hours daily and still working 6 shifts in with just 2 off! I think I need to reduce my shifts and try and find some time now to adapt to doing things just for me and my household (family!)
I sometimes feel I can’t really say a lot to them with how I feel somedays because they just say yeah it takes time but you. Need to rest now you don’t need to work all those hours it isn’t healthy wasn’t before and it isn’t now! But I have this fear of being bored and falling deeper into grief, but I have also seen in another post that we shouldn’t become too busy as a means of distraction as the grief grows more intense to hit us later on!
So I am here now to take on some pointers of positive direction to allow me to make a life of living without both my parents but to try and feel good about myself living rather than feeling the loss, the hurt of losing and the pain of living without them, I actually want to say that my dad actually pulled me through the whole adjusting to life without mum, but looking back now I realise I just hid my grief and pain quite well from him… I really am not cut out for this grieving process at all, and I really am like some heartbroken kid whose effectively sobbed for months and lost my voice as a result of that sobbing! And yes I really have lost my voice, struggling to talk but the strangest thing is for that last 12 months all my dad would say is ‘I can’t hear you!’ And. Now that’s all everyone says to me! Is that his way of remaining with me? I don’t know but I’m going along with it for now…

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He will always be with you … xx

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