It will be my husbands 50th birthday on the 16th April, the first since he passed. Am dreading it. People are saying I should celebrate it in his memory which I in my heart I know I should but another part of me is saying why when he isn’t here to share it. People are asking what do I want to do but I have no idea or enthusiasm to be honest. What did anyone else do for their loved ones birthday I need some advice xx
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Hi it was my hubby’s birthday in December he would of been 60 . We took a couple of balloons to a beach near by and let them go . Then I just came home and sat all day just thinking about him and talking to his photo. It wasn’t as bad a day as I thought it would be . Still got our wedding anniversary and my 60 birthday still to come .xtake carex
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Hi hope you are feeling the best you can in this life none of us want without our loved ones . To me my hubby will always be 59 . I don’t want any more birthdays for me as I want to stay the same age as him. We do what we can each day just to get through. I am back at work I only go because I need to pay the bills .I would rather be in the house .I feel like that is where hubby is and he is always waiting for me to come home. Crazy I know .xtake carex
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On my husband’s last birthday our first without him. In October, he was 82yrs, the whole family went to Looe in Cornwall.
On the day of his birthday we scattered his ashes in the sea, a place he loved. I still sent him a birthday card which sat in pride of place and we all sang and wished him happy birthday.
This year we plan to go away as a family again, unfortunately due to grandchildren and school it won’t be on the day of his birthday, but that doesn’t matter we will still celebrate just as if he was still here. I will still get him a birthday card.
You need to do what ever feels right for you.
Love Debbie X X
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Thank you Debbie, yes I have just ordered some balloons and will have a think about were to go. I was going to get a birthday card as well just wasn’t sure. Take care love Lisa xx
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I understand what you are saying I feel him at home the most, the first few weeks I couldn’t stand being at home on my own but am getting used to it now. I am the same not bothered about birthdays any more either. Take care xx
I have not celebrated my own birthday since my husband died in September 2020. April 24th was the second birthday without him. I sat for the most part alone. My husband died in a road traffic accident and the Great North Air Ambulance attended the scene and fought to save him. I have now set up an annual donation to this rescue service and each birthday when they fly he will be remembered and in my heart I hope that by doing this perhaps - in a small way - it will go towards saving another family from the heartache that me and my family now endure.
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Sheila, that’s a lovely thing to do and such a wonderful tribute to your husband.
It was my husbands birthday on the 21st, the children and I had a Chinese takeaway and a small chocolate cake, his favourites, it was tough though. I didn’t celebrate my birthday last year, we were married on my birthday, which makes it doubly painful, this year will be my 50th and I know family may want to celebrate, but what’s the point, it’s just a reminder that part of me is forever gone.
Lisefin, hope you got through the day xx
Thank you. What would have been a celebration now causes so many challenges. We married on my dad’s birthday, so when he passed in 2010 my husband was always there to support me through that loss. I can only imagine the impact on yourself as both your birthday and anniversary date approaches. We have two kids, each prefer to deal with the key dates alone with their own families and I can understand that. I just shut out the world as it holds nothing for me anyone.
Take care xxxxx
It is so very hard Sheila, my children are only 18 and 14 so still at home, so we deal with things together, but I think the worse thing is that person, the one you could always count on, the one to halve the burden, or talk over problems or worries, is gone. For me I miss that so much, I have no one to talk to anymore, my children are too young to burden so it’s all me now, keeping it inside. Xx
What you say is so true. Everything falls to us alone now. Although our kids are adults, son has two little babies and our daughter continues to struggle with her dad’s sudden loss and not seeing him for so many months due to lockdown so I shield them from my real pain. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for you with two teenagers trying to support them through a journey none of us deserve.
I hope that you have support of friends and family. I only have this forum now and the support of one friend, my husband’s best friend and one brother-in-law. The other brother-in-law and even my own brother and sister think I should be over it, but they still have their husband/wives so have no idea what it is really like.
I too hope that your children have support from their school/college/employer as for our kids they have sought support from counselling services. I think each has their own guilt, regret to overcome.
Take care.