My husband didn’t leave me, he died.

Just recently I seem to be a magnet to people (wouldn’t even call them friends) whose relationships have broken up. Suddenly they are getting in touch because they are feeling lonely and sad, and can associate with me, apparently. They suddenly want to catch up, presumably to wallow together in our woes.

I’m sorry, but you don’t know how I feel and I definitely don’t know how you feel.

I am sorry this has happened to you. It must be very sad, hurtful and scary.

But I don’t understand, because my husband never left me, he never let me down, he was always there, he always put me first, he adored me, spoiled me, was loyal and lived true to his his wedding vows until the day he died, after 25 years together.

Of course I want to support people, show compassion and be there…but I’m a bit spent right now.


Dear @ElsieF

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your husband.

Understandably you are a bit spent right now. I would reassure the people reaching out to you that you are there for them but you need do time to grieve as you have recently been bereaved and are trying to come to terms with this.

Hopefully they will understand this and they will give you the time and space that you need.

I hope this is of help to you. Take care and keep reaching out, we are here for you any time.


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People can be very selfish
I don’t think they mean it but are just wrapped up in their own wee world
Like you said he never left you
I too loss my husband suddenly out of the blue after 25 wonderful years together

Sometimes though helping other does help you cope with your grief
Or just take away your pain for a while

Take care

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@ElsieF - this also happens to me. I know someone who’s husband left them after a long marriage and she compared herself to me and said “at least she knows where her husband is”!!! It’s a good job she didn’t say it to my face. How can people think it’s the same? I would still be happily married if my husband hadn’t died. We just need to distance ourselves from these kind of people.


There are those who do truly understand, like everyone here, then there are those who pretend to, liken themselves to you for other reasons like has been mentioned here, the best thing any of us can do in situations like this, and this may sound harsh which I don’t really mean it to be, but be blunt with them, tell them straight it’s not the same, I personally haven’t had this and don’t expect to as I don’t see anyone but my family (son every few weeks and daughter once a week) and 1 neighbour who checks up on me most weeks, now a new neighbour too who so far seems caring and could be helpful if I asked, I don’t have any close friends to turn to, I only knew those I used to work with and since I retired from there in June I’ve not heard anything from any of them so in the most part I am totally on my own.

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