My husband died 3 weeks today I’m totally devastated and so upset that he has passed. We’ve been together for 45 years and only got married 7 months ago. For the last 3 months he suffered terrible having a Parkinson’s psp having 3 hip operations he died of Aspirational Pneumonia brought on by having Parkinson’s such a cruel disease. I am totally lost without my world is empty.
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I am so sorry for your loss. Nobody can understand how you feel apart from others who have lost their life partners too. My husband passed away in may of last year after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in the February.
I feel as though I have not just lost half of me but more than that, I am just not who or what I was when he was here. He was only 61 so we had years ahead of us but now I am terrified of the thought of those years without him.
Know that everything you are feeling is completely normal, the sadness, the anger, the exhaustion. Sounds a bit cliche but it really is ok not to be ok and there is no right or wrong, let your feelings lead you. Take care of yourself x
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Thank you for your message and understanding. You don’t know how your going to feel or what is going to happen in the future. Death is so final almost wiping away the person you knew. It’s heartbreaking.
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@Wbaillie
Good advice from @Sandie5.
There is no easy route through this terrible grief after losing our other halves. That phrase means so much to me now as I realise that half of me really did go when I lost my seemingly fit and healthy 60 year old husband, suddenly, almost three years ago.
I don’t get on the forum much but run a Zoom session on a Sunday evening so people don’t feel so alone.
After three years I still miss my husband every day, still cry from time to time but the grief is less ‘all consuming’ that it was. I don’t expect to get over it but I am making a life which I mostly enjoy now. It’s not as good as my old life and different but I am happy for at least most of the time now. That has taken until now to feel that way but I was determined I HAD to make a new life as there was so much which I needed to do and I couldn’t let his death take me too. My daughters need me, there is farmland to deal with, a house and garden to maintain and somewhere in there is me. Craft is my main outlet.
I would say be kind to yourself and don’t expect too much of yourself; grief is EXHAUSTING. The smallest task can seen huge so take your time and maybe just think one hour at a time. One task a day is success, particularly in these early days and weeks. That task could be as small as having a shower.
I barely left the house for the first five weeks and even after that only went to places I had to. I still find that new activities, or ones I did on my own before, are easier to do than anything we did together.
You will find a way to live but take it slowly and give yourself time. Remember that the pain of this grief is due to the level of love you had for each other. He will stay in your heart and that love will stay.
Having been to several weddings since losing my husband I know that those words ‘till death us do part’ are nonsense. I still love him just as much as ever.
You do the right thing to reach out on here and I am sure you will feel supported by others who are on this journey of grief.
Karen xxx
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Wbaillie, I am sorry for your loss. My darling wife of 52 years had Parkinson’s diagnosed in 1994, she was very brave and had Deep Brain Stimulation in 2008. I totally understand your loss. I am sure you looked after him like I did my wife, Tablets help getting up, help getting showered, help getting dressed, help walking and so on. I was glad to help her, She would say I cannot do anything, I used to say You gave me 2 lovely children and have made my life. With the amount of careing you were giving him there is such a big hole in your life . Oh I wish she was still here, here good humor and always up for going out and doing things. got to stop now. It is to much for me. Come on for a chat we all understand.
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I am so so sorry.
The emotions you are going through I know are completely overwhelming. My husband of 44 years passed away 2 months ago on the 21st feb. He was a strong fit 65 year old man but had gallstones which had been giving him problems from time to time. He had a procedure 3 years ago to remove stones from his bile duct which was successful and was told he would be on top of list gall bladder removal. 3 years later after a cancelled op last October he went in for the routine op (day case) on the18th Feb. Evidently there were complications with the op (which were never explained to us) after several calls that afternoon i was told he would be ok to come home at 7 pm. What my daughter and I found was indescribable my husband was in a dreadful state. To cut a very long painful story short he had developed septic shock (which they did not pick up) on and organ failure and put on life support ( too little too late) he passed on the friday morning. We had to wait for 5 weeks to have his funeral as there was pm and there is to be a coroners enquiry. Me and my children are completely broken. His death was completely avoidable but here we are. Our world as we knew it has ended. I miss him so much and cannot see how I will ever move on from this. He had so much to live for and will miss out on seeing his grandchildren grow into adults. Its so wrong and unfair.
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My goodness what a dreadful time you are having and I am so sorry for you and your family that perhaps his death could have been avoided.
Like me I am wondering if my husbands death could have been avoided in hosptial. He went into hospital in January this year for a dislocated hip and ended up dying of aspirational Pneumonia 3 months later. Its been 7 weeks now that he has passed and i am still in disbelief that he has gone and I am asking to see his medical records as I still think he could have been saved. Did the hospital do enough to keep him alive Im not sure. His loss is terrible for me.
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Aw bess you, I am so sorry for your loss.
My family and I are absolutely devestated and still cant understand how we have found ourselves without him, its like a living nightmare and we will never get over losing him. We couldnt say goodbye or tell him how much we loved him. I hope we get answers and I hope you get answers.
I also hope no other family has to go through this, sadly though I doubt anything will change.