My husband died 3 weeks ago

My husband died 3 weeks ago and it feels like I am having a double loss. The loss of losing him and The loss of The caring role I had for 26 years.
His funeral is next week and I am dreading seeing the hearse pull up outside.

I know in my heart I will cope, but the sadness and the reality of his absence will be there in front of me.

How did you find that day and the hearse?

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It’s very early days for you and your head will be all over the place.I couldn’t see his hearse arrive at the crematorium,I sat inside someone said to me he’s here I didn’t even look.Afterwards my friends said everyone outside was wondering where I was they thought I hadn’t turned up when I said I couldn’t bear to see him in a hearse they were really upset.Do whatever you want on the day don’t try please anyone else.

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Thank you for your reply,
I will be following the coffin into the chapel as music of my choice is played.
I guess for me its the hearse thing.
Yes I will definitely deal with it my way and not being pressurised by others.

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So sorry for your loss @Cazuk
Like you I was dreading seeing the hearse and following the coffin in to the Crematorium. Neither was as bad as I thought it would be.
Saying that I cried all through the service, but that was the beautiful eulogy and the music.
I hated walking out and leaving him, but I did it and so will you.
But as @LyndaK said you just do what’s right for you
My thoughts are with you now and always

Srnding hugs
Liz x

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Following my Dads hearse and walking behind the coffin was something I didn’t want to do for my Husband, I knew his friend was driving his hearse so he wouldn’t be alone. I waited outside the crem as I did want to see him arrive I had also just picked some forget me not and lily of the valley from our garden, and I wanted to place them myself on top of his coffin. I then went inside and took my seat and waited for him, I didn’t want to watch his sons taking their place to carry him, but you do whats best for you.

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I walked to his flat with his brother, about 20 minutes, it was freezing that day and I was only wearing my leather jacket. We met his other family members and bandmates there. Then the hearse arrived and I cried. The flower tributes were amazing, he was so loved. Neighbours came out to pay their respects. Then we got in the cars and followed the hearse.
The curtain closed after the service, but all I thought was that it was past the time for his cremation; we had waited for over 5 weeks.

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I completely broke down when the hearse pulled up outside the house but the funeral director was brilliant and gave me a moment alone with him. I also cried throughout the service but I did not have the curtains close at the end as it would have completely broken me. I know some people like that finality but it was not for me. Sending love :broken_heart:

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It was last June his funeral and I cut lots of beautiful roses from our garden he had planted for his coffin.I was cutting them at 6am in my Pajamas and raincoat in the rain for his coffin.They looked absolutely stunning and very poignant he died suddenly in the garden watering his plants.

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Thank you everyone.
I have chosen for the coffin not to be lowered once cremation service is over, but to remain there as we leave.

And with the support on the day, what will be will be.

It’s all very normal how each of us react to loss and grief.

Thank you.

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Hi @Cazuk
I chose not to have the curtains closed. I think that would have been a step too far for me.

We will all be thinking of you

Sending hugs

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Oh Lynda, your heart-breaking message about your husband dying while watering his plants has inspired me to send my first comment. My husband was also a passionate gardener, and I too picked roses he had grown for his coffin. He died suddenly, completely out of the blue, last July, but he was sitting on the sofa. We only have a small garden but he packed it full of plants - now giving me nightmares because it was entirely his garden and I haven’t much clue what to do with it all. The roses are absolutely magnificent this year, never seen anything like it, and every time I go out or look through the windows I just think, Oh, if only you could see them…

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So sorry for your loss,i lost my husband January this year.I also cared for my husband ,so like you i had to deal with the loss of being his carer.You are in the early days of grieving for your husband .the day i saw the hearse I knew he was at peace and that helped me ,

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we loved gardening together although we had "his & hers " sections we went to Chelsea flower last year I was heart broken watching it on tv, we were going to go to Hampton court again this year my son is going to do it with me, it’s very special to me to have a little something we had grown on his coffin x

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Yes he is at peace and watching someone waste away over 3 months was awful.

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