My 23 year old son had a car crash four weeks ago and has been left unable to walk. My husband and I travelled back from the hospital together Thursday night, he was fine nothing wrong. Was a bit irritable but I put that down to the sheer exhaustion from everything that has happened with my son. I came downstairs 6.10am Friday morning to my husband laying on the floor not breathing, no pulse. Both myself and my youngest son who is 19 performed CPR and the paramedics also spent 40 minutes trying to be everything but he had gone. He was 50, healthy and my absolute world. He is currently with the coroner to determine cause of death.
I don’t know how to carry on. I am trying to stay strong for our children, especially my middle son who is still in hospital facing months and months of rehabilitation. He only came out of a coma 10 days ago.
We had so many plans and dreams and now that has all gone. I can’t live without my best friend! I was with him for 29 years and I don’t know what to do.
I am so sorry this has happened to you too and your husband was so young. Mine was only 68 when he fell to the floor and was gone. That was 8 months ago now. You must be in shock with also the trauma of yours sons accident. So much for you to deal with.
Please know that everyone here has been through the nightmare your facing. Everyone is lovely and very supportive. You can search previous post for answers to all the things that go through your head or post here and someone will answer. There are some very knowledgeable people that have lived through this trauma that I’m sure will be along to help.
For now I’d say look after yourself and your family. Eat when and what your able, remember to drink and don’t be afraid to ask for help when it’s offered. People want to help but often don’t know how.
Oh I’m so so sorry for your loss. What a dreadful ordeal you’ve been through. Trying to cope now without your dear husband, whilst your son is still poorly is so cruel. My heart goes out to you.
There’s not a lot I can say other than, please look after yourself, try to eat a tiny bit, drink lots of water, breathe deeply. Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel, he will be your guiding light now.
Take care and keep reading g or posting. We are all here for you x
My heart goes out to you have so much to deal with. My husband dead suddenly without warning 6 months ago . He was only 64 . We were married for 36 years. You will be in shock. Take care of your family and your self . Make sure you eat something and have plenty of fluids. We are all here for you
I just don’t know how to navigate anything. Everyday I’m having to get up so I can see my son in hospital when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and be with my husband.
Peg2 has suggested you talk to your husband. Very soon (a couple of days) after Penny died, I decided to sit in “her” chair and every evening I chatted to her about everything and anything which came into my head, what had been a success, my failures, and particularly what her dogs had got up to. It feels weird to start with, but I can now chat happily for ages. Now after 4 years I still do it, and I feel her advising me about things I struggle with, mundane things like what size underpants do I need to buy?. Peg called it our guiding light, I’d not thought of it like that (until today). It’s her birthday today, I’ve just had a lovely chat with her.
I’m so so sorry for your loss and your son ill too.
Just take each hour of each day slowly.
Give yourself time, make sure you eat even if it’s just snacks and do keep drinking.
You are not alone we are all here for you.
Take it slowly.
Big hug
Thank you everyone. I just thought he would be with me forever. It’s a week today and I was woken up at 5.30am with what felt like an electric shock to my chest. I felt like he was with me. I am going to cling on to that and hope that he is beside me. I keep having a little chat but end up sobbing. I’m so scared of navigating life without him x
So sorry to hear of your loss and terrible time. I can imagine the pain etc you are feeling. I hope your son makes a good recovery, and you find the strength to support him whilst also grieving the loss of your husband. You have a lot on your shoulders, take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and take time to rest as I know how exhausting a sudden loss of a partner can be. You will get through this, it will take time.
It’s 18 months since I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly. Sending you strength and hope x
@Moonie77 I myself lost my partner Thursday 26th I’m very similar circumstances, I found him in our bed after going up to see if he was “getting up yet” he was unresponsive and I had to give cpr until the ambulance came, they worked on him for 55 minutes and he never regained a heartbeat, he too is currently with the coroner and has had scans and blood tests etc to determine why it happened, they initially said they hadn’t found any cause of death and that we would have to wait 8-12 weeks for any possible answers, they have however said we can arrange a funeral for him. He was 42 (we’re the same age) and he was absolutely fine in the morning when we first woke up at 6/7am to get the kids up for school etc, he went back to bed and last I knew he was on his phone just browsing etc, his phone was still playing when I got to him. No one should ever have to go through this, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it must be so stressful with all the other things happening to you at the same time. You must be so proud of your 19 year old for attempting CPR alongside yourself as it’s a very daunting thing to do.
