Hi, i lost my husband 2 weeks ago today. It happened so suddenly, he came down with flu like symptoms monday and tuesday, tuesday night he suffered a stroke, when we got him to hospital they found that his heart valve had an infection and he had sepis, he died the following monday. He was 51. I never got to say goodbye to him as he never regained consciousness. I feel cheated, angry and have never experienced such an overwhelming pain. I dont know what to do with myself . I dont want to be with people yet i dont want to be alone, i dont want to be at home but at the same time dont want to be away from it. I feel i am going mad
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Oh i do so understand as i feel the same. The shock is indescribable. One minute you are happy looking forward, planning things and the next minute the rug is swept from under you and you are in free fall. Im 2 weeks and 1 day in this grief and taking it hour by hour. Im currently wrapped in his dressing gown watching a series we stsrted together on netflix, and hete ill stsy until i feel i can sleep. Sending lots of love your way. X
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Thank you for replying, and i am so sorry fir your loss too its the total loneliness that you feel, i have never experienced anything like it. I am glued to his mobile phone amd infact still text him, thinking i might wake up to a reply!! X
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Hi @Emilyb23 . This sounds absolutely normal for many of us, especially for me. I also felt I had no future, I was shaking.
But be sure it will ease, all we can do is endure it as it eases. Just cry as you feel the need. Just talk to anyone who will listen (plus those who dont want to) about him.
But dont despair, keep sharing your feelings on here, weve all been through the grief, or are still on this journey.
I very soon decided to talk to Penny every evening, and still talk to her after 12 months.
God luck, hang in there.
“This too shall pass”
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Thank you, just reading through the posts makes me feel like im not alone and the way i am feeling is valid. Sometimes i cant cry and i feel so guilty for that x
I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s a lovely picture of him 
I know exactly how you feel, I lost my OH 5 weeks ago on Wednesday. His funeral is on Friday, it was delayed because he had to have a post mortem. Like you I had no chance to say goodbye and that’s absolutely torturing me. The first week or so I was glad he passed so suddenly because I couldn’t bear the thought of him suffering but as the weeks go on I’m finding the fact there was no goodbye so hard. He was so slim, fit and active but his heart just stopped. I’ll never get over the fact I never got to say goodbye. I just wish I could have five minutes with him to tell him how much he means to me and how much I love him 
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Hello, i am so sorry. There would have been nothing that you could have said that he he wouldnt have known already. Darren knew i loved him and he knew tgat he was the live of my life, i tey so hard to keep that in my mind but woukd have given anything just to have seen his eyes and heard the words i love you from him one last time. My heart goes out to you and i so know what you are feeling. Sending you a hug xxx
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@Emilyb23
I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely Darren. The shock will make it all unbelievable and the words you say about not wanting one thing nor the other make absolute sense to those of us on here who have suffered this terrible loss.
My Richard was older but still young at 60, slim, strong and seemingly fit and well. He went out to play his weekly football and never came home.
The pain feels physical and totally overwhelming but that is so normal.
It is almost a year since I felt like that in those early days and although there are still many tears I do have a life now and some happy days. I miss him every day and wish he were still with me but I can do some activities now and enjoy them.
There is no presents predictable pathway on this grief journey so just remember that everything you feel is normal and try to rest when you can. It is exhausting so don’t expect too much of yourself. I still feel more tired a year later.
Sending love
Karen xxx
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As @KarenF said, there appears to be a process that we all go through and no one process is exactly the same.
I’m 11 weeks in and lost my partner suddenly and unexpectedly, while he was out on his bike.
Those early days are raw and so painful and you have to just ride the pain. There really is no easy way at the beginning.
Like Karen, I can have good days and get out and about and other days I am struck by such sadness and pain that I have to give in to it.
It’s ok to cry, scream ,shout. You do whatever you need to get through. Take it slow, one step at a time x
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My husband also died suddenly and unexpectedly … Like @Ali29 he was also out on his bike, which he did regularly. He was 69 but was still fit and healthy or so we thought. He just went out as normal and never came home again. He had a cardiac arrest …they did eventually restart his heart, but his brain had been starved of oxygen for too long …and after 5 days in ICU they turned off the machines that were breathing for him.
That was almost 11 months ago. I thought I was doing quite well recently … been able most days to get on with things … but knowing his 70th birthday would have been next week and the anniversary of his death coming up next month have thrown me a curve ball … I’m not exactly back to square one … but I cry more, and my anxiety level is quite high. But, I know I can get through the next few weeks, and It does get easier, which will be hard for you to imagine now. Hang in there … ride the rollercoaster and you will get there.
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These first few days can be really bad, our brains can only cope with so many thoughts at one time, with many questions clamouring for an answer it throws a wobbler. I thought my brain would explode!. It cant find space to sort out these answers.
But as the days pass, it starts to cope, bit by bit.
Then the grief journey can start and your life will gradually make sense. It takes time, but you will get there.
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@Audrey54
The nutritionist I see said that 11 months is often a difficult time. I found it to be so and, similar to you, the significant dates coming up aren’t helping but I also find that mostly I’m coping much better.
I hope you can get through the next couple of months as best you can.
Hugs
Karen xxx
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@Emilyb23 I’m so sorry for your loss. As many have said the first few weeks are so painful and raw. You will be in complete shock of what’s happened. Just focus on getting through hour by hour.
I’m now week 11 since I got told my partner had died from a heart attack at work. The shock has now worn off but the grief is still very real, but not as consuming as in the first few weeks. Take care xx
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