My husband David passed away 17th August, 4 weeks and 1 day, jis funeral was monday. It was sudden and unexpected, he waa a fit and healthy 53 year old. Hi PM was inconclusive, still no answers. Today is the first day of being on my own. Im devastated, feels like i haven’t even processed it yet.
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So very sorry. It is heartbreaking, we are all here for you. It is a good place to be. Lots of support and understanding.
Sending you strength and hugs. My husband died suddenly at the end of May, he was fit and healthy as far as we knew.
Xx
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Dear Sugarcube
I am so very sorry that you are going through all this. I have only joined this forum recently but I know that everyone will be feeling for you.
I have realised that the feelings of sadness and loneliness are always better shared and I hope that you will be able to find some comfort from the contact of others who really understand. I will be thinking of you.
Lots of love X
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Thank u, im only 49 and feel robbed, he was so wonderful, imnso sorry dor your loss also, thanks for finding the courage to support me x
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Thank u , again your support is appreciated x
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I was 48 when my first husband died. You will get there, I promise. I got out of the swamp once, now I have to do it again because I remarried after 5 years, I met a wonderful second husband and we were together for 16 years. Sadly he died at the end of May.
Now, where the hell was the way out? It’s here somewhere!
We will find it together, just don’t give up searching.
Xx
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Willow
My heart breaks for you losing one love is horrific but to lose 2! I cannot comprehend how bad the pain is.
My husband passed last Aug at 61, ironically he was much fitter then than when he was 30. I turned 55 not long after he died and a week before we buried him. A year on and one year older for me and I’m still angry we were robbed of our future.
I just can’t seem to move forward, my children have been amazing, however they have their own lives.
You are obviously a very special person I swore at my husband’s grave I could never go through this again.
My sincere condolences xx
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My partner also died on 17th August, six weeks after being diagnosed. My friends are trying to keep me busy but when I’ve had a day alone I just couldn’t bear it. I seem to just go along with what people say, so if they ask me to go out for a walk, I go. On my own, I just sit and do nothing for hours. I feel a bit numb a lot of the time. I know I should keep busy to distract myself.
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Hi @Genie1
I was faced with a similar situation my husband passed away in 47 days from diagnoses on 2 August 23. I’m just over the firsts, some were difficult others bearable.
It was the same for me family tried to keep me busy however alone time is still difficult.
An old friend gave me the best words of wisdom that I found a comfort she told me when you think of your husband always remember he chose YOU to spend all of his life with. However long or short the time together was you were his special person.
Everything is raw for you try to focus on hour by hour. If that’s to much reduce the time. At some points still an hour feels like a lifetime so I just get through ten mins.
It’s ok to feel everything your feeling everyone here knows what it’s like.
Keep talking, to this day I still ‘argue’ with my husband, I know daft isn’t it.
I’m happy to chat if you ever need a friend.
My sincere condolences I hope this may help a little xxx
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Hi Sugarcube75,
My husband David passed away 19th August - his funeral is this coming Tuesday - the day after tomorrow. He was nearly 63 and I am 52; he was healthy enough other than having a triple-bypass a few years ago, and liking drinking a touch too much… I can’t sleep at night - stomach hurts SO much and I have to flap my hands and feet - it is horrid… and I have taken up drinking again (don’t worry - I have only had 2 small glasses so far today - so this message is written totally coherently!)… I will have to stop again soon as I am having to try to keep our pub/club going - there is so much support there (including people telling me that they can buy it - bit soon!!!), but I am going to have to do shifts, and everyone says be strong… I have spoken to about 5 people in the town who have actually lost partners, and try to desperately grab on to what they say. Devastation is the exact word - if there was a stronger one - I would use it. It was the suddenness for us - I say us because he is probably extremely peeved that he isn’t still living his wonderful and full life, and that he will always be here… I left a half mini-bottle of prosecco by his picture on the bar he own(s/ed) and I half ran in conjunction with the wonderful bar staff an hour odd ago, as I felt despite it causing his demise, he hasn’t had a drink for nearly a month!) …he kept asking when was he going home from the hospital - he was getting better, and then - one and a half days of sudden decline and he was suddenly gone. I want to know why it happened as I wanted them to drain the ascites - and they didn’t - I will want answers in due course - I know they did their best and are professionals, but I still want to know. However - my heart goes out to you and I most certainly can understand that you have absolutely loads and loads of total confusion and frustration that you don’t even know what caused his death - what a total utter extra nightmare to losing the one you adored and was meant to spend the rest of your life with!.. I don’t think that this is anything that can be processed - I dreamt that my David was alive last night, and that I had to change the process of how things were done - we had a second chance to keep him alive - and then I woke up - it was SO horrid… I shake my hands all night and have a pit in my stomach - it is only alcohol that currently stops it - although I think it might be cheaper (and less drama after one too many drinks) to go back to not eating like I did in the first 2 weeks. You are probably not as dramatic as me - but I personally don’t know how else to cope - maybe speaking to nice people on forums like this may along - I can but hope.
My heart goes so utterly out to you - and the shock must be utterly unbearable for you. I get that. Big hug to you. O xo
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Hi Genie1,
I am occasionally watching UK TV archive episodes of Doctor’s from 2002!.. Bit of a avoidance tactic - but once in a while it is helping to get me through the night - am excellent soap which epitomises good, unlike some of the other ones, despite me begging BBC a few months ago to just get rich people to subsidise it they didn’t - and my poor beautiful husband whom I am burying the day after tomorrow, was TOTALLY on my side about.!.. God I miss him so - every picture and piece of furniture was arranged for him - I try to go to the one teeny-tiny room that was my little space - it hurts too much everywhere else!.. It is the sadness that he isn’t here still enjoying his life that really gets me - I am angry, but depression is beginning to kick in - I am finding it very difficult to walk outside - to get to the shops is becoming extremely hard - my feet feel like lead upon every single footstep. Thank you for your words - I am clutching on to people with similarities at the moment - and your beautiful other half dying practically the same day - it seems to be getting better but worse at the same time… don’t know if that makes sense?.. I had to go up to London the other day to start Probate off as well - it was extra lovely that they said they thought that I was quite possibly not going to make it - but I did. The tears fell when I saw the pub that we used to eat in for a meeting-up with his friends every few months - it was like a kick in the heart. Our home is beginning to resemble a hoarder’s house - and keeping busy seems like far too difficult to do - I have had 3 people see it - and I don’t care any more… I just want my handsome and beautiful man back.
Six weeks is horrid for you both - no time whatsoever - what an utter shock that you are living with - and all along the six weeks you were probably both hoping - hoping…
I might just do the washing-up tomorrow - there is nasty fur and mould growing - maybe that could be a goal. Doesn’t bring him back though.
Thank you for saying you feel numb - I so do as well.
I may go to Cruse as well… I went there for my Mum dying about 12 years ago, but that was nothing like what I am going through now - everyone there in the ‘Friendship Group’ had lost partners - I didn’t get how they were feeling at the time - thought it was similar to losing a parent - it is so not and I totally understand now…
Keep on going Genie1 - we have to - but so easier said than done I think. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life.
O xo
My love,
My heart is breaking for u, i know this time last week i was waiting to be picked up and took to neet david at the crematorium, that feeling!!! No words.
However the went as well as it could, i was surprisingly really strong, but u know that i dreaded the finality of it, i didn’t want it. I cant believe a week has passed.
I went to work on the day he died, we just came back from butlins with our grandchildren and family, he was in a really good mood, he git out of bed (unusual at 6.30 am) to have a coffe with me, said he wanted to spend time with me as he felt we hadn’t seen each other. His dad was staying with us. We said our goodbyes and kissed, i got a call at 7.20 pm frim his dad, said hed had some sort of attack, my colleague drove me home, ambulance in attendance, they worked on him for an hour, our 23 yr old son had also came home, we went to a&e, the pronounced him deat half an hour later. He was sat happily watching football witg no warning or anything, it was all so traumatic, my children and grandchildren are devastated, none of us can believe it. I have flung myself into the paperwork, i have a mortgage and bills, its a horrible nightmare, ihr was the other half of me ive been with him sunce i was 19, sorry for all the details and i hope ove not triggered anyone. Ill be thinking of you tomorrow
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Hi Sugarcube,
Thank you for your heartfelt and so utterly real words. The sudden shock and happenings of what you went through in the space of 5mins just about / 1hr speeding back from work to your beautiful love are like a horror movie - the love of your life gone - just like that… my Grandmother lost her beautiful husband in a car accident in 1947… she would have been only about 42… I never asked her about it as one didn’t talk about things like that in the 1990s when I was a teenager - I was too young to think of asking… but I would so love to be able to ask her to help now. My whole heart is with you and your beautiful children… why???.. we were meant to be with our wonderful husbands until we were at least 80… I think I am blocking tomorrow’s funeral a bit and just doing jobs in our pub cellar - straightening kegs etc… but I will have to go home soon and wash my hair (!) - I don’t care about myself at the moment but I will have to tomorrow out of love for my beautiful hubby - he would have wanted it and also would have wanted me to keep going (despite saying, “Duel!!” to anyone who fancied me!!!..). I too have got so much paperwork to get on with - thank you for sharing that - I will have to ‘Get on with it!!’ - one of my hubby’s favourite phrases! I miss him so very much and I know you do your other half - total thoughts with you as well. My hubby was so brave about so many things in his life but I am finding it so very hard to be like him in that respect… I will just have to plod on - sounds lame, but that is all I/we can do… I think keep on talking to anyone who will listen - will make time go by… the more I am talking - the more I am finding others who have felt my or similar pain… it hasn’t taken my pain away as such - but it helps in a parallel way perhaps. Thank you for being here and my heart is with you as well - so very much. x O
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My hubby was getting better in hospital - and then I read the word kidney… then I saw an oxygen mask and then a few hours later I was rung and told to get into hospital (along with his 87 year old mother)… he was put on an oxygen ventilator which was going to hopefully get him better in a few days to a week… 1 and a half hours later - he died. I failed my hubby - he kept asking me to take him home. Why is life so cruel?!!.. Love to you - we must carry on being brave - don’t know how though! Ox
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Hope tomorrow goes as well as it can, i took great comfort in the stories ans love everyone has of him. My friend said that in her 60 years dhe has never known love like ours, which makes me veey lucky. Be strong tomorrow xx
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I am sure all of us will be thinking of you tomorrow - you will get through the day with the help of your family, friends as well as the genuine love and prayers of everyone who has been through similar sad times.
Sending love and hugs xx
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Thank you so much Sugarcube75. I am still thinking of you as well. I will be as strong as I can be and as I know my hubby always was in similar situations - although not quite like this. I know my beautiful love and kind new friends will be helping me. Thank you for your kind message. xxO
Thank you so much Eden1 - such lovely kindness to me. I do indeed have so many lovely kind friends and family - I wish that hubby was here to see how loved he was - although he knew I am totally sure. I also know that hubby is sending you loving thanks as well for being so kind to me - I just so wish he was still here to do it in person. Thank you for your love and hugs. xO
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P.S. Wow - what a lovely thing to be told by your friend that she had never seen love like yours - something to be so utterly cherished. xO
Thank you Eden for your very kind message.
I miss my man so much but society expects us to move on quicker!.. I am having to look happy!..
Oh well - hubby would always have wanted me to be happy - maybe I will just have to fake it to make it, as it were!..
How are you doing??..
Time heals everything but loving my man (as is basically sung in the wonderful song from Mack & Mabel which Torvil & Dean danced to the overture of in their most wonderful dance dressed in gold!)…
I love my man so… for ever.
Thank you for being here for me Eden.
‘My love’ / Angela x O
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