My husband of 48 years died last October

I feel lost. I am on antidepressants for the first time in my life. I thought I was doing OK and then last week the crying started again. I miss my Dave all the time. It is amazing how many times he and memories of him go through my mind every day. I have always been a fairly optimistic person but although I’m sure I appear all right on the outside to people I meet and my family, I am really really lost and alone. Does this awful feeling go away? When does it stop? People say that time helps but I think that I will always have this big gaping hole in my life where my husband should be. He was ill for 8 and a half years, we knew that he would die with the illness but it was sudden at the end. Everybody else seems to have moved on but I am stuck. My friends and family have all been wonderful, but I don’t think they know how I am really feeling. I don’t like to burden them with my unhappiness. Every day is something to be got though, it is so tiring. Sorry to ramble on.

Welcome to our community Vicki. It’s perfectly normal to miss your husband so much and to feel lost and alone. He was a huge part of your life and you were together for such a long time. Have you thought about telling your family or a close friend how you are really feeling? I am sure they wouldn’t feel burdened with your unhappiness and would rather know so that they can support you. They may think you are coping okay and so not talk to you about Dave for fear of upsetting you. There is some information about coping with bereavement on our site that you might find helpful Do feel free to use this community whenever you feel like talking Take care.

Hi Vicki, I can understand how you must feel.I was married to George for 26 years and lost him January 2014… The awful lost feeling that you describe I often feel too. Of course you have a big hole in your life,after so many years together. My daughter gave me some good advice. She said, Mum, just go through the motions, and one day it will get easier." So, that is what I attempt to do. and when all else fails, then I have a good cry! I hope I have helped even a little bit.I am always here to talk if you need to.Best wishes.Jen aka Grandma7

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Hi Jen, Thanks for your advice. I do go though the motions and I still cry. It helps to have contact with somebody going through the same process as I sometimes feel very isolated in that people seem to think that I should be OK by now. I don’t feel I will ever by ‘OK’ again, but just would like to achieve some peace of mind. Thank you for your very kind reply. Take care. Vicki

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hi vicki i lost my husband a year ago on the 12th off this month he died at weatfield we have two sons one 14 one 11 he died at 45 i miss him as much now as i did the day he left us he had gullet cancer we found out in january 2014 and he died in august 2014 we were defastated our lives will never be the same again i was with him 16 years and the hole in my life will never be filled i miss him so much if you ever need a chat day or night i am here sorry for your lose

Hello Shanny, So sorry for your loss. I know what you mean when you say the hole in your life will never be filled, I feel exactly the same. Every day is something to be got through and it seems that all the joy has gone out of living. My husband was ill for 8 and half years but he went very quickly in the end and it was a shock. I miss him so much as you must miss your husband. People assure me that it does get better, but I haven’t felt that yet. You have your boys, I have two boys (men now) and they make sure I am OK. I have a lovely daughter in law and 3 grandchildren. I am sure my husband wouldn’t have wanted me to be so miserable but that’s how I feel. I know that my saying ‘I hope you feel better soon’ won’t actually help, but I do mean it. Thank you so much for responding to my message. Take care. Vicki