In August, my husband took his own life, leaving me and our 12 year old son. It was my birthday yesterday and my son tried so hard, and my family and friends sent so many messages. But I felt truly lonely, and it has carried onto today. I am keeping us busy and going through the motions of Christmas, but all I want to do is cry. I can’t too much because of my boy. What coping mechanisms can I try?
4 Likes
Hi @Drakelow, so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you and your son. I lost my husband Steve in September and like you I’m struggling too. This time of year is really tough for the likes of us, more so for you as you have your son to think off. I’m home alone now as my boy is grown up and living with his fiancée. People cope with things in their own ways, you’ve just got to do what’s right for you. I find it helps a bit talking to people on here as they understand and feel your pain. I tried writing a journal, joined a bereavement group but have left so just taking a day at a time. What have you tried?
1 Like
Hi and thank you. I see a counsellor once a week where I talk and cry. Family and friends are there for me, but they have their own lives and I don’t want to burden them. I take long baths, go walking once a week with a friend, i keep so busy with work and my house is immaculate, as I am cleaning more than is needed. I am so conscious that my son needs extra watching / love / support, that I’m running him here and there, keeping him busy and knowing he is loved. I play music loudly in my car, when I’ve dropped my son off at school, to block out my thoughts. It’s so hard. Suggestions are welcome!
3 Likes
I wish had answers or solutions for you. All I’m doing is taking one day at a time. No two days are the same and I don’t beat myself up if I have a bad day.
1 Like
I’ll try not beating myself up! I’m a bit harsh with myself. Thank you x
I didn’t mean to offend you, I didn’t mean don’t beat yourself up. I’m so independent and strong normally that I did beat myself up if I didn’t eat or shower that day. Messages can be misunderstood please don’t think I was being rude.x
1 Like
I didn’t take it that way at all. When you said what you said, I recognised in me, that I am being too hard on myself. I was grateful for your message x
1 Like
Thank you, I’d be devastated if I upset you.x
no offence but maybe your son feels the same way, doesnt want to cry in front of you, have you tried together talking about his dad all the positive things, leaving out what happened. my son is 48 and i nevr cry in front of him about anything, but a 12 yr old is different. as people say you can only take one day at a time and this time of yr its hard for anyone that lost a loved one. hugs
1 Like
No offence taken. We talk a fair bit about his dad, I ensure that good memories are spoken about. How he is feeling is always my first thought. Almost every decision I make is based around him and his needs. He is also going through counselling. I just need to be strong for him, hence my post. Thanks for your message.
1 Like
well i hope you try and have a decent xmas as best as you can xxx
Hello Drakelow, this is the first time that I’ve returned to this forum since those early dark days. My darling wife Elaine took her own life in September 2022 following a short illness, so I understand where you are. There is a lot of support out there for this awful unique type of grief. Try SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) or Suicide and Co.
Both have been so supportive for me. Take whatever help and support that you are offered.
SOBS group meetings, either online or in person are especially useful as it is all people in our situation. I’m a year on from yourself, it becomes just a little more bearable day by day.
Ian
1 Like