Thank you for those words, I am 7 months down the line struggling to see where I fit in on my own I know I’m not useless but like you wonder g how I became so dependent on him and fell into the trap of men’s things to do and women’s things to do so…… where do I start to be a strong independent woman I really don’t know yet I need to figure it out
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Hi @Nanabev
I’m nearly 8 months
I could have written what you’ve just written
We will find a way through I know. It’s just going to take a bit of time
Srnding you love and hugs
Liz x x
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Actually, I think the dependency thing works both ways. It’s the natural way of things for the men to have their role and us women to have ours. It worked and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I adored feeling protected and safe with him. I would give anything right now to be held in his arms, knowing everything would be ok. He gave the best hugs. 
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I know exactly how you feel.
Roger treated me as if I was made of glass.
And I felt safe and ptotected.
Now I’ve got to become toughened glass.
I know I can do it.
I just wish I didn’t have to
Like you I’d give anything to be in his arms again.
X x
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Hi great that you’ve reached out and placed a message, I was widowed last year and realised that grief takes many forms, don’t know if it sounds strange writing this but my grieving started when he got his diagnosis so I feel that I was ready to move on with my life quite soon after he passed as I was prepared for it, I feel like I grieved for 4 1/2 years, I hope this might help you
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Dear Liro, I agree with you and also in a way with LizT. My husband also called Roger, was not a saint and once let me down very badly, but I adored him so took him back and went on to have two sons and a lovely if not trouble free life together for 63years. I am glad he is no longer suffering but so so wish I could here his lovely voice and laugh.
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Mine either,thanks for being honest
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The sme here xx
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Wise words. I am finding it difficult to find a purpose. I was with my husband from 18 young naive. Married at 20. Had 2 children got back to work and they left home for my husband to become ill and I became his carer still working. He died 19 months ago and I returned to work quickly within 2 weeks. This last year family are back in routine I don’t see them as often.Friends similarly. I retire in 16 months and need to find a purpose. It’s scary being an individual. I’ve always been part of something Co dependent in a family. I can do or sort most things . Most would say I’m independent but I’m lost as an individual.
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Totally understand.
Sending a big hug xx
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Cookie completely agree with you. I am considered independent by people but I’ve lost my purpose and struggle to see a future. I am partially retired but have absolutely no idea what I will do now once I fully retire. All our plans gone in an instance.
Sending a virtual hug xx
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Sending a big hug xx
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That’s the thing isn’t it- the plans for retirement are different. My plans alone or with friends are so different from our plans together. I work 27 hours over 3 days now. I fill the other days. I felt and still do sometimes, guilty for sitting down doing nothing, doing things for me . Spent 42 years running around after family and husband. Now I’m not needed. So what do I do for the next 25 years? There’s plenty to do in the area but it’s not giving the enjoyment and fulfilment I need. Is that the grief?
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My husband walked on water, perfect in every way, never angered, never raised his voice, always steady and calm, the voice of reason. Ha!
None of our loved ones were perfect, just as none of us are perfect. But, we don’t talk about the unpleasant parts of life, just the good ones. Why not? Remember the good.
Friends, I lived alone for 22 years before I met my husband and I am having trouble making the transfer back to that life, so it is unimaginable to have to do it for the first time ever. I feel so sorry for you all as it is so foreign to you to live alone. At least I know I can do it. I wish I could spread that confidence to you.
You can and will make it. Life just keeps on even when we feel split in two.
Hugs.
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I think grief and bereavement definitely stop us from enjoying things.
I think for many, enjoyment will gradually return.
Obviously, I don’t know to what extent, when, how soon or at what speed.
Also, feelings of guilt will accompany the enjoyment.
However, I am sure our loved ones would hate to see us suffering.
Big hug xx
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