My husband

Losing a partner
1

My husband died on 16th july 2023 he was only 61 he battled lung cancer he went though so much before that as well a long story. He didn’t deserve to die i miss him so much he was always there for me even to the end im crying more than ever i just want to be with him i tried counciling but even that dont stop the pain. I lost my dad 8 years ago and even now i dont stop griving for dad all is left is mum i try to be brave but at the moment my world seems to be falling apart now im on my own im struggling to pay my way. All i want is my dad and my husband back. I dont want to be here anymore .i know hubby is with me i even spoke to a psychics who told me hes not in pain im so glad i just wish i could see and hear him i going to try and communicate though a sprit box i only hope he comes though with my dad. As im writing this im sitting in my van in a park where we use to go had to get out as hubby passed away there. Im so sad and in so much pain . I would be better in a group rather than on my own is there anyone going though this as much as me

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Hello @Donna23,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband and dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

You also mentioned you would be better in a group setting rather than on your own. You may find this link helpful, where you can search for local in-person support groups: The Good Grief Trust

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Alex

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Dear Donna, I lost my husband suddenly on Valentine’s Day this year to advanced kidney cancer. He was never diagnosed with any form of cancer and I thought he had a heart attack. One month later was his funeral and his urn is upstairs in our bedroom. It is a horrible and lonely existence but I try to make my peace with this situation I am in and it helps me to survive another day. Some days and nights I am crying and cannot stop but some days and nights are not too bad. I am 63 and my husband died three weeks before his 66th birthday. We were almost 26 years together including the 15 years and two months of a very loving and happy marriage. I also do not want to wake up in the morning without him but I try to think of our happy times together and his cheeky smile and I can hear him saying that everything will be fine just do not give up. It is hard but we all can do it and this forum helped me a lot. Did you apply for the bereavement support money available online to help you with the funeral costs? I am taking prescribed tablets Sertraline 50mg tablets once a day and it does help me. I also waiting for Mind Thurrock for counseling. You are not alone in your pain and tears. Sending love and hugs.

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hi just returning your email thank you. its so sad i just dont understand any of it. im sorry for your loss to. i have recived the berevment thank you for asking. i have been with my husband since october 1989 34 years. i talk to him and me and my family have heard him on one night me and my daughter heard him clearing his throat it was only the moring after she faught it was me when i mensioned it to her.anyway thank you for emailing me when your going though so much yourself take care

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Hi Donna, I lost my darling husband 5 weeks and I’m so lost without him. Steve was only 44 and the love of my life, I’m absolutely broken without him. We lost both his parents in 2019, then my mum in 2021 now him this year. He was my rock and helped so much whilst I was grieving for my mum. He passed away very suddenly whilst were on holiday it was and still is an absolute nightmare.x

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Good morning sorry to hear that i ask myself how can this happen to anyone and especially when they are so young. My heart goes out to you. This weekend is a really bad weekend for me on 21.10.89 i first dated my hubby and on 22.10.94 we got married. Yesterday i went to the pup where we first went and today i went to the church where we got married. Im all over the place. Me and 1 of my daughters are going to see a psyic today we did see her in September and its so unreal she told us things that we only would know and i really need to ask more questions i really want to see him and talk to him. People say it gets easier but i dont think so you just live with it. The worst bit is when you go shopping and see other couples together and wish that was us and growing old together. You take care and be strong

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I’m sorry for your loss and it being a bad weekend for you, I can relate to that. It’s a really hard few days for me too. I lost my lovely husband 24th October 2022. He got really poorly on the Sunday and we took him into A&E at teatime, never for a minute did I think he wouldn’t come home again. He had sepsis and died on the Monday morning :cry:. I’m sitting here alone with my little pup not knowing what to do. I hope we find some peace and better days to come. Take care .

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Sending big hugs to you, it’s so hard.x

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My heart goes out to you hope you have family around you as it helps but you will want time alone as well take care

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Thank you and to you to

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@charms sorry to hear this. my hubby wasnt well on the friday and at 3am sat morning he got taken to hospital with what we all thought was something to do with his diabetes. by 12 noon he was dead. it turned out had a urine infection and took antibiotics for it yet it had not cleared up and he never got any more tablets for it, and that turned into sepsis. none of us knew. i am angry at him for not saying anything, angry at me for not noticing. that was 18 months ago and i seemed to be doing fine until the last couple of months and now it seems worse than at the start. i am worrying about everything, every little ache or pain scares me, i dont want to go out, not really intrested in anything. i just hope it gets better

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I’m so sorry your husband went through this as well. I too blame myself for not noticing how Ill he really was. I think we all feel the anger and blame thinking we should have seen or done more, I suppose it’s all part of grief. Like you I have no interest in doing anything or going anywhere and my home has become my safe place, just me and my pup. Now I face the prospect of having to retire which I should have done in March but I worked on part time to give me some sort of routine but it’s not the same working there now, everything just feels so different. Also we had no family of our own so my family want me to sell my home and move 75 miles to be nearer to them. I just find it impossible to make any decisions but in my heart I know they’re right. I really hope things get better for all of us. Take care and thank you for replying.

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I can see that I am not the only one with the problems of not going out or not having the energy to do anything. And in a weird way, it helps me to see that I am not alone in fighting these kinds of problems. I am going once a week out of the house to go to the library and also to pick up my TV magazine but that’s it. I place a lot of online orders and actually, I should go to Lakeside to put a cheque (£10 from Dartford Crossing refund) in but just cannot face public transport at the moment. I hope it will be better for us soon and we can go (and even just for a short time) back to a kind of normality. Sending love and hugs to everyone.

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Hi Anna it’s so hard isn’t it. I just feel so safe in the house. I’m normally confident, bubbly and outgoing but I’m so lost. I get terrible anxiety now about going out and seeing people. A friend took me out shopping and for coffee on Saturday and I couldn’t wait to get home. It’s my husband’s funeral on Wednesday and I’m praying my anxiety does one for the day. Sending hugs to you.

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its your decision but i wouldnt advice moving near your family, seen it go wrong many times.
i did put a post up about the symptoms of sepsis but it has been taken down due to not complying with their guidelines. doesnt matter where the info comes from its the same everywhere, its time people knew what they were and maybe they wouldnt end up like us

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I was also afraid of my husband’s funeral but the day went more peaceful than I thought. There was a tense moment (please, do not laugh) as we passed Lidl at Pitsea because we mostly used that shop. My husband told me before that he did not want a big funeral and no getting together afterward. So it was just the funeral and after the funeral, I was on my own again at home. I was in a dreamlike situation and I can hardly remember who attended or what really happened. I am so glad that we both talked about our funerals before (music, flowers, etc.). I have a recording from the funeral but I still cannot watch it. My Philmore’s urn is still in our bedroom and he still gives me the strengths to carry on. Sending love and hugs. I will think on you on Wednesday.

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