That sounds like a good plan for today.
I still haven’t got out with the dog yet, who is unusually patient today
Normally she’s be hassling me but perhaps she’s missing my husband too.
Sending love and a hug xx
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Thank you.
I have probably told you before but one of our cats was not well. He is elderly, has dementia and is absolutely wonderful.
The vet examined him and said he was grieving. This was a few weeks after my husband died.
The other one has also grieved for him.
So, yes your dog knows.
Thank you for caring 
xx
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Just had the tv on.
A scene came on where a patient’s heart stopped and so cpr was started.
They then shocked the patient twice and you can guess the rest.
There was that dreadful continuous beep from the monitor.
I remember that beep and what it meant.
I am going to feed the cats, hopefully stop crying and then probably go out if I am not crying.
Oh my, that was rough!
Love and hugs everyone.
Thank you for letting me share.
Rose xx
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Yes every day has lots of things that remind you of all that has happened - good and bad.
At the moment though I suppose all reminders just make us feel sad, lost, despairing, panicky……the range of emotions is endless.
Getting out will help - or at least not make you feel any worse I hope.
I’ve had the dog out and my son came with me today. Feel a bit better but am worried about my youngest who is not talking and tending to self isolate.
Maybe my task for today is to get her engaged a bit more.
Sending a huge hug xx
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Aww, Rose, That’s rough. I know that noise and what it means. It meant the end of all our hopes and dreams.
Hang on in there, my friend. Xx
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Nick and I would binge watch ambulance , and he even watched the CPR and defib all the time and then at the end when they would play the sad music and show a photo ? We knew what the ending was ! Now I know that’s Nick ! Just don’t think I could ever watch ambulance again! My first aid in work is due for review next year I have already said I just don’t think I can do the cpr training anymore! I have don’t it myself on guests it’s so different when it’s someone you know and love x hugs to you x
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Hi Rose
I’m so sorry
Love and hugs
Liz x x
Yes I do the same when I m in bed.
I hoped I would go first but it wasn’t to be. I too wish I could go back in time in fact thinking of how things were in the early days when we were together really upset me as do songs etc that are played from that time. Nothing can prepare you for having your heart completely broken 
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So sorry Rose
Glad I didn’t see that. Big hugs 
xx
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Thinking of you and your family.
I hope you can be with your youngest xxxx
Love
Rose xx
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It came on suddenly and in the beginning I was not too bad.
I too am glad you didn’t see it.
Big hug.
Love
Rose xx
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Rose garden I can’t watch anything in a hospital setting now. It just reminds me too much of being there with my husband.
Sorry your cat is unwell. I wanted to go out today but instead cried so much I couldn’t face the outside world and I had a splitting headache too.
I keep trying to make myself not sink down to far but today I couldn’t shift the panic and fear at all.
I often hear a helicopter going over and I hate it because it reminds of the air ambulance that brought a doctor to help David, sadly they couldn’t help him and his heart wouldn’t start again…but that sound of the helicopter flying over and landing in a nearby school field will haunt me forever, and yes like you certain hospital scenes are dreadful now. X
Yes me too for the same reasons. A horrible reminder.
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It’s so hard doing the simple things. My husband used to do the garden I have done bits but I m 75, he was 74 when he passed away nearly two years ago. He didn’t want to be buried he wanted cremation which I didn’t but I couldn’t go against his wishes. His ashes are in a marble Buddha at the bottom of the garden, my daughter’s go down and talk to him but I can’t. I do the decorating and bought a new wallpaper steamer at least a year ago but have got no motivation to use it even though there is lots of decorating that need doing. I used to feel confident but now I’m a withering mess I feel I will never be the same.
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