I haven’t been on here in a while as l am still struggling with my grief it doesn’t seem to get any better. It is so hard being on your own as l haven’t been on my own for years, l have my kids grand kids and my siblings and parents but l mean on my own without my husband 
l wish you could go back in time so that we could change things as my heart is broken beyond repair. Most nights l lay thinking about him and then l start crying, l want to be free of the heartache but l don’t know how.
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Good afternoon @Akm74
So sorry for the loss of your husband 
I lost my partner Andrew 11 weeks ago today, after 18 years together. I’m 37.
It’s the worst feeling in the world the longing for our partners, who were our everything everyday.
You sound like you have a really good support network around you. As hard as it may be we need to try and build a new life for ourselves. Life is too short to live it in misery. I know that’s easier said then done but we have to try.
Someone told me to think of grief as a ball in a jar. At first the grief filled the jar, little by little we need to add other things into the jar to make the grief smaller.
We didn’t choose this life, we had our future robbed, our favourite person take from us, we are full of love to give them but they are no longer here to receive it. We now need to choose to try, try and build a new life, try and find joy and excitement in our life. We need to choose to live.
Sending lots of love and a big warm hug 
xx
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I’m so sorry you’re still struggling. It will take time and hard work I think to rebuild a new life and start to move forward.
Lean on your supports when you need to.
I’m only a Few months in so dont have much advice to give but I’m just trying each day to get through and look for the positives.
Look after yourself - sending a big hug xx
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I lost my husband of 38 years, just over 2 years ago.
I have pushed on but anniversaries are the worst, I feel what you are going through, this week has been a really struggle for me.
I do have family, but it isn’t the same.
This is the first time I have ever lived on my own and even 2 years down the line I still find it hard trying to do everything on my own.
I really feel for you, let’s both hope eventually it will feel better.
I will always miss him and always love him.
My love and thoughts go to you. 
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It will be 2 years on the 30th October but it still feels like yesterday but l am going to speak to my doctor. Thanks for reaching out and sending lots of love x
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I lost my husband 11 weeks ago to heart attack, he was 65 and I am 56. We had been together 23 years and 17 months ago we “eloped “ to Gretna Green “ and got married , I have only had one wedding anniversary.
Nick showed me the meaning of unconditional love.
Nick was my 3rd time lucky hubby.
At the age of 18 I came from Liverpool to Devon as a pontins blue coat entertainer , everyone warned me about the DJ so I married him ! He really didn’t want me to go back to Liverpool , he was a womaniser and had a string of women , at 22 I was divorced , with the help of my 2nd husband who was a controlling , alcoholic wife beater , who turned out he preferred men! After 11 years I got out , I honestly thought that is what marriage was about I knew no different until I met Nick he truly showed me what it’s like to be loved, and I thank him for allowing me to experience that x
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I’m so glad you found your true love.
But so sorry you have lost him also.
You didn’t give up after the first 2 so that shows great resilience and a strong sense of keeping going. Just keep going now - I’m hopeful it gets better for all us lost souls here xx
I just read that every day in the UK it is estimated that 500 women are widowed. The article did not give statistics for how many men are widowed. It is an awesome statistic. Every single day.
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I do feel robbed , I went through so much to find him, we were so happy and after two decades together to at last get married even after doing it twice before we just were glued together , and I only got 17 months married , oh people say “well at least you got married “! Like that makes it all ok then x
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How insulting for you Jane
It really annoys me when people say ‘well at least you got married’ or ‘at least he didn’t suffer’ or ‘ you had 20 happy years’. I think the sub text of that is they are thinking ‘so it’s not that bad!’
I know people don’t always know what to say but perhaps it’s better to say nothing.
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People say such stupid things don’t they.
It can be so hurtful.
My husbands cousin came round the other day - first time I’d seen him since the funeral as he works away over the summer.
He was an absolute rock for me the last 3 weeks when we were both living in the hospice. He was gutted when my husband died and offering to be there for me and the kids etc….
He seemed truly surprised when I said I wasn’t “getting back to normal “ nor was I “fair to middling” as his partner suggested.
It’s only been 3 months.
Folk just have no idea of hard it is.
Sending a hug to you xx
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It is so early for you the pain and horror will be terrible i am putting this kindly…you need to let the grief in, feel the pain, weep and cry out, scream if you need to, and use your voice to express your pain, sadness and grief. It may happen all day, it may not happen everyday, it may be in the morning, the evening we are all diffetent but let it out. It really does help, it doesnt stop the grief…i think that is here for ever but the grief gets more manageable, a littlle less intense. One minute at a time is the only way to deal with it and eventually you will start to cope better it will take your amount of time . Also try to think how would your lovely husband have wanted you to carry on with your life. You can carry on living…it will be very different but you can still eventually find meaning and enjoyement.
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I never thought of myself as strong ! I have suffered from anxiety for years, and since my husband passed it’s got worse , I wrote a book to help me process what I have been through and what I had with Nick , when I read it back I couldn’t believe it was me ! X
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Yes all the platitudes.
But its just that people really don’t know what to say.
They dont know how we feel, how can they?
I’m lucky, I have people that mostly understand and are giving me as much time as I want. I’ve only had a couple of times I was made to feel as if I should be getting over it, and I can avoid those people.
I thought that maybe I should be starting to feel better about it after 18 weeks, but I don’t, I am starting to cope a bit but I still cry, a lot, and I miss him so much. But that will never stop.
Big hugs to everyone suffering this massive loss x 
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I’m sorry for your loss. My story is similar to yours. I lost my hubby in October 2022 after a very short illness ( only two weeks) and we’d been married for 41 years.
I still miss him every minute of every day and find it so hard to see a point in anything now.
It just feels like we’re treading water all the time to stay afloat doesn’t it?
I lost my mum just a couple of years before my husband and I was very close to her so that doesn’t help.
I just wish I could find something I really enjoy that would distract me and give me a a new purpose in life but as yet I haven’t been able to.
Good luck to you. Sending you hugs
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I lost my husband in March.
I feel as if I am living a pretend life in a pretend world.
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I wish it were pretend Rose.
It all still seems so unreal to me.
Remember the love you shared together - that was very real 
I’m about to go walk my dog - later today as struggling to get going.
Have you anything planned for today ?
Sending a big hug xx
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Yes it is unreal, I think perhaps that might be a more appropriate word.
I think the pretend bit is when I go out, not that often, I feel I am pretending to be ok, coping, part of the world around me.
I don’t feel a part of the world around me.
I recognise the struggle to motivate.
I have one small thing planned for today.
I am going to sow some nasturtiums in a hanging basket. He liked to do this and loved the cheerfulness of nasturtiums.
Sending a big hug.
Love,
Rose xx
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I know what you mean Rose. When I do go out I feel as if the world is going on around me and I’m not part of it, almost as if I’m viewing it from afar🥰 xx
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Exactly xx